Emy and I are not the types of women who need are hairdryer, a bag of makeup, and accessories to pack for a trip. I do happen to really love shoes, however. Packing for our BWCA trips has been an interesting journey all on its own. Why do we as women always seem to have so much baggage? Perhaps this is not confined to just woman, I can only speak from my experience. I sit in the airport waiting for a flight as I write this chapter. I am surrounded by people with all different amounts of baggage around me. Roller bags, backpacks, musical instrument cases, pet carriers, briefcases, paper bags of take-out food, duffel bags, and shopping bags. I am taking up 2 seats in the waiting area. I have my backpack which I use to lug around my work and personal laptops. This backpack weighs more than my checked bag. Yup, I check a bag pretty much every week; I need room for those shoes. I also have my purse and a glass of ice tea sitting on the chair next to me. Additionally I have a jacket, The Cloak of Protection (I will tell you more about that later).
When you venture out on a BWCA what you take with you is what you have until you are done. When you get to your campsite you have a pit toilet and a cooking grate. There are lots of trees and critters, lakes full of water and fish. That is all. There are suggested packing lists. These are very helpful. The outfitter sells packages; you can rent just a canoe, or you can also rent gear, or you can even have them pack you dehydrated food. Emy is gluten intolerant and I am a vegetarian. I do eat some fish (I get to make the rules for my life). The differences between our dietary needs made getting food from the outfitter, not an option. We did go with the canoe and gear option; thank goodness we did! We wouldn’t have had any idea what we needed to bring.
The first year we stuck pretty closely to the suggested packing list. We still had a ton of stuff. When we got to the portage it took us 2 or 3 trips to get canoe and gear across the portage. While on our first BWCA adventure we made a list of other things we thought would be handy to have with us when we were on our voyage. Between years 1 and two something shifted in us and we decided comfort was also important. Are you beginning to see this spiraling out of control? We did not. By the second year it was taking us a minimum of 3 trips for each of the 5 portages. The 3rd year we had 4 trips per portage worth of stuff.
Let me go back to the first year. As I said we stuck to the list the outfitter provided of suggested items to pack in with us. We were nervous and planned to stick to the suggestions like our life depended on it, after all, it might. In the BW you drink the lake water. This is a rare area of the world that is barley touch by the hand of humans. The water in the lakes is clear and clean; although not necessarily tasty. We bought bottles with filters in them that would allow us to drink out of the lake without fear of getting ill.
We planned to catch and eat fish but we also packed in a bag of potatoes, eggs, corn starch, nuts, and other items to eat. We brought our clothes; items all chosen from the recommended packing list. Rain gear, bug spray (both a common DEET containing brand and a couple of holistic versions made from essential oils), emergency blanket, fishing gear, and flash lights. The first year was our shortest trip and we did not use everything we brought. It rained and was cool so our clothes were much appreciated. There were times when it didn’t seem we could get warm and dry. We had a fire burning almost all of the time to combat the cool dampness. Leaving we were lighter because we had used the cooking oil, eaten the potatoes and most of the other food.
The second year we were staying an extra day, but when we got to the outfitters we impulsively added a 4th night. This was the year of comfort, haha. We packed in cots, Emy froze a case of 16oz bottles of water and we packed in more food and ice. We also decided a box of wine and flask of vodka were a good idea. This is a slippery slope my friend, because now we needed OJ too. We brought extra tarps and extra clothes to be sure we would have something dry to wear. We had more bags and we had heavier bags. Oh the baggage!
This was the year we portaged the most; we planned on 7 portages and made 5 of them (more about that later). This was also the year with the most challenging and treacherous portages. I added up the weight of the items in the food pack while we hiked one of the 1/2 mile portages. With the ice, bottled water, food, and dry ice, I estimated that the food pack weighed about 100 pounds. I tried to carry this pack and it would throw my balance off. Emy who is much shorter then I am picked it up and heave hoed it across all but the 1st portage. She is a little mighty mouse. There were a couple of times when I had to push from behind or help her get back up when she fell but she was awesome!
This was another important lesson we learned. We all have different gifts and it is okay that they are not the same. Emy could carry the 100 pound food pack like nobody’s business! But due to her height the canoe was difficult for her. I could more easily carry the canoe because my height made it easier to balance. There were other things too that we discovered. It is like the quote, “If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life thinking it is stupid”. I think it was Albert Einstein who said that. Be proud of the gifts you have and appreciate others for the gifts they have, even when, or better yet, especially when they are different than yours.
After the trek of the second year we decided that there were lighter ways to be comfortable. We replaced the cots with camping hammocks and blankets. We still brought the bottled water and ice but spilt it into two separate coolers. On the 2nd year Emy and I had duplicated a lot of items and so we thought we would get smarter packing for the 3rd year. I asked Emy to be in charge of who was to bring what. I was in Florida the weekend prior to our BWCA trip so I asked her to be in charge of the food and just make me a list of everything else. She thankfully made me a list.
I brought everything she had assigned to me. She packed us a feast. When we got to the outfitters and we were packing our ginormous green bags, we discovered that something had gone wrong. Instead of having the traditional 3, then 4 green bags, this year we had 5 big green bags. How had this happened? We additionally had a backpack cooler; Emy’s daughter had given her as a gift, plus we both had our traditional day packs. This is a standard backpack that we used to take day trips and have snack and necessities (like a roll of TP, hand sanitizer, compass, bug replant, etc.) for the voyage in and voyage out.
We had been so careful to lighten our load. Now organization had been an issue for us this year. Emy is a Virgo, very organized. I have Virgo rising in my chart so I am typically fairly organized also. But this year the stars were simply not aligned and we were both feeling scattered. Was it possible that the increasing birth of our baggage simply due to disorganization? We really just could not understand it. We made it in and set up house, organization was still not in the cards for us. The energy shifted before we left and we were back to being the queens of organization for the journey back out.
While being in the BW there is time. The days stretch out. As Emy noted, they are like those long summer days of childhood. There is a lot to do, cooking, making tea, gathering wood, tending the fire, washing dishes, catching and cleaning fish (if that is a choice you make) while in the BW. Despite all of these chores that must be done there is still plenty of time in every day.
We had brought in a lot of duplicates of items. We had a gallon zip lock of granola bars, 7 long handled lighters, 2 large containers of cut up melon, multiple bottle of various bug spray, four boxes of fire starters, 2 bottle of sunscreen. Why did we have such a need to bring in so many of certain items? I think I had packed 17 rolls of camping TP as well as 6 small hand sanitizers and 1 large one. Why did we feel the need for all of this baggage? We come to the BW to get rid of our mental emotional baggage; is there a correlation between the two? Probably.
It is a lovely thing. We would chat. We would journal. We would rest. We would go on mini adventures. It was while I was lying on our rocky shore soaking up the sunshine that it hit me. It was a fear of not having enough.
Apparently Emy and I were both sharing this fear this year. Emy and I really see these things as symbolic. “As above, so below” is a spiritual principle. External also reflects internal. Our fear of not having enough in life was manifesting in us packing way to much stuff. What really was it that we feared? Not enough money? Not enough love? Not enough energy? Not enough time? These and likely many more.
We live in an amazing world of abundance. I know there are times when it is hard to see this or hard to believe but it is true. Believe in the possibilities of abundance; it is a great place to start if you are having trouble. Belief in possibilities is a great spell. It unravels potential and allows it to circle all around you. Once this was in our conscious awareness Emy and I could shift our thinking and start believing in the possibilities. There would be plenty of money to do what we want to do. There would be an overflowing amount of love for both of us. We would have an abundance of energy to complete all of our tasks and any other items we chose to have on our agendas. We would slow down time in such a way that there would be more than enough time for everything.
Getting to know yourself and having a true awareness as to why we do the things we do is a gift. It is a gift ripe with potential ready to bloom and grow and change your life in such magical and beautiful ways. When Emy and I started on our BWCA adventures we thought we were going to do something fun. We dreamed of canoeing, camping, being amongst nature. We could not even have begun to fathom the amount of “self-work” we would both be doing. We could not have predicted how it would change us and how it would improve our lives. These little lessons and awareness’s that came to us were true gifts. We are very grateful for the experiences and opportunities that transformed us in such powerful ways.
As with the spiral, the lessons in life come back and repeat time and time again. Each time they repeat we are better able to manage our way through them.
I eventually began traveling for work Monday – Thursday almost every week of the year. We were expected to carry on our bag, as we often had to be rerouted due to the needs of the company. I learned to pack lite. I began to love packing lite. I do not carry a purse anymore as I have a wallet case on my cell phone. This made for very easy and efficient travel and has improved my life.
One of the interesting side effects of learning to pack lite in my work life was how it affected how much I wanted to carry with me in my personal life. In the end it is what caused the end of my joining Emy on the Boundary Waters trips. I was having anxiety at the thought of all the baggage and having to portage it. One year this even landed me in the ER with chest pain. Another year I told Emy I agreed to go but I wanted to pack lite. She agreed and we started planning. While planning she mentioned the cooler she was planning to bring. It completely triggered my Fight/Flight/Freeze response. I backed out at the last minute choosing to take our camper and go on a solo camping trip. I invited Emy to join me but she had her heart set on the BWCA. I am grateful that although upset with me, frustrated, and disappointed, Emy forgave me. We both had our separate adventures that year.
How is it that stuff can have such a hold on us? The fear of having stuff and the fear of not having stuff. I am far from having this figured out. I am more willing and able to look deeply at myself and see why I do the things I do. When something causes an emotional response within me, I am better equipped to look inside and see why I feel triggered rather than trying to make the other person wrong, or blaming them for my response. These trips to the BWCA, taught me so much about myself, including how much I have to learn and how I do not have all the answers. Even all these years after that first trip, I am still learning by reflecting on the experiences we had there.
Stacy Crep 