“The true joy in life is in the little ordinary moments when we fully allow ourselves to be human.” This was the last line in my journal from BWCA number two. It is an interesting concept to think about. It is very true though, is it not? During BWCA number one; I had bought a book on identifying different types of mushrooms. I thought it would be great if Emy and I could harvest mushrooms and eat from the earth. We took one of the plates from our camp gear and set off on a nature hike to pick mushroom.
My goodness there are a lot of different types of mushrooms in the Boundary Waters forests. There were big ones and little ones. All variety of colors were available too; yellow, pink, red, white, tan, orange, peachy. Some were big and flat others were round like little bubbles. We had a blast walking through the woods and hunting for our mushrooms. This is a prime example of allowing ourselves to be human.
We flipped through the book attempting to identify our mushrooms. Did you know that a surprising number of mushrooms cause hallucinations as one of the effects of eating them? In the end, good sense won out and we ate none of the mushrooms. It really wasn’t about eating them anyway; it was about playing in the forest and finding the offerings that were there for us.
Another truly human experience we had in the Boundary Waters was dancing naked in the moonlight. I got it in my head during the first BWCA adventure that while Emy and I were out there in the middle of nowhere with no other people close by; I thought we should dance naked in the moonlight. Emy humored me the first year saying, “ya, sure, we can do that”. The first year was plagued by rain and cool temperatures. We never saw so much as one star the whole time. Our days and evening were filled with the work of having to keep the fire going. We really kept it burning almost all the time. It kept us on our toes.
Gathering firewood was an ongoing chore, in the gear we were provided with a really cool little hand saw. Emy could saw through those trees like nobody’s business. I could pick that wood up and carry it back to camp. We made tea continuously to not only keep us warm but also to cover up the taste of the lake water. Add to this cooking, fishing, cleaning fish, and cleaning up after meals; we worked very hard the first year.
When it got dark and we were relaxing before bed in front of our fire dancing naked in the moonlight no longer seemed like such a great idea. We were tired and sore. Mostly we were cold and damp and taking off the clothes that were providing some barrier to the cold wet weather seemed like a piss poor idea. I will tell you no dancing naked in the moonlight happened that first year.
So year number two comes along. Man we were so excited for second year. We were confident and felt this sense of “we got this”! We had braved the first year and come out alive. We doubled the length of our stay, packed a ton of stuff and set out excitedly on the hardest physical experience that either of us have ever been through. I, of course, chatted happily to Emy about dancing naked in the moon light. She once again humored me saying “Sure, let’s do it”. The first night we were lucky we had enough energy to eat and go to bed. Add to that we voyaged in on the night of the Full Moon, so we pushed ourselves to stay up to see a full moon to make her appearance. She was shy one that year. We had to walk over past the “bedroom” to find her on our other shoreline and even then she was just peeking in and out from behind the clouds. We were way too tired to dance naked in the moonlight.
The next day our bodies were sore and we spent time soaking in the cool lake. I honestly think this saved us a lot of aches and pains and the possibility that we may not have been able to make our way back out. The healing lake waters cared for us. So night number two, no dancing naked in the moonlight, we were just to Zen’d out from our Boundary Waters spa day.
Okay night three for sure. Woohoo, naked dancing for all. It rained all day and I perhaps had a bit too much to drink and sitting in my camp chair was already a challenge for me; if I had danced naked I probably would have burned off something important in the camp fire. That would have been the ultimate in embarrassing Boundary Waters emergencies, some drunk lady dancing naked in the moonlight fell in the fire. Just imagine the headlines. I would have made my mama proud; not!
Our final night on this BWCA we were nervous about the trek back out. It had been such a physically challenging and exhausting experience. The terrain was so dangerous we really could not devote energy to anything other than psyching ourselves up for the journey back out. The last night on the BWCAs is always kind of somber. There is a weird mix of emotions. The excitement of going back to our loved ones and being able to be back on the grid with cell service and contact to other humans. The sorrow of leaving the beauty and slow serenity of the forest.
For me there was also the loss of the companionship. I was single and when I went home it was alone, while Emy went home to her husband. It seemed so strange after five days being with someone and saying good morning and good night to go back to being alone. There is a weird thing that happens in the Boundary Waters; five days is not five days. Five days is like five days in dog years… Time slows down out there. An hour will pass here at home without us hardly noticing it being gone, out there in the forest an hour seems far more significant. I am not sure my words can do justice to the magical quality that time has in the Boundary Waters; it may be something you have to experience to understand. So year number two came and went and we never danced naked in the moonlight.
Ok, year number three, “Yippy”! Emy told me, “I am not sure what your obsession is with dancing naked in the moonlight”? Hmmm, good question? Cause it sounds like mad fun! I think there is a freedom in being in the Boundary Waters. There is a release from the normal conventions of life. When everything you are doing, and I do mean EVERYTHING, you are doing outside, it provides a sense of freedom. The idea of dancing naked in the moonlight is like the ultimate for me in embracing that freedom. The idea of prancing around the fire with only the stars, moon, owls, and other critters of the night looking on, while boobs bounce freely with the movement, and all the glory of being a women is free to the elements, seems like a glorious expression of being purely human and completely free.
Despite Emy not fully understanding or even embracing my desire to jiggle my gloriously feminine body outdoors, she is a good sport about it and never makes me feel weird about it. She is supportive every year also and agrees to do it with me. Thank God for friends like Emy who support you, even when they think maybe you are a little off your rocker. And even better are willing to let loose with you and support your harebrained ideas.
So the first night, was the rain and wine night and we were suffering pretty big hangovers. No dancing. And so it continued much as it had in year number two. Each night the night came and went and no dancing naked in the moonlight happened. By the fourth day we knew we were going to write this book. I told Emy I was definitely dancing naked; how could I write about dancing naked if I hadn’t done it? The final night came, again with the weird mixed feeling and somber mood and it seemed just a little cool to disrobe, even near the fire.
So there is my story of dancing naked in the moonlight. And you know what? I am okay with it because, I allowed myself to be purely human. I embrace feeling cold and wanting to keep my clothes on. I embraced that I had drank too much and needed to respect how my body was feeling. I embraced sore and banged up body, which need rest and appreciation for the strength that got us in and needed to get us out. The true joy in living is in the little ordinary moments. Next year when we voyage into the Boundary Waters, I will once again be convincing Emy that this is the year we will strip down to all our glory and shake our bootie for all the bats and frogs to see while wolves howl in the distance.
It is interesting to be rereading these stories we wrote so long ago (in 2015). So much of my life has changed. I never did dance naked in the boundary waters with Emy, although there was some skinny dipping. I did dance naked around a campfire once while camping with my husband. It was fun and freeing and checked the box on my bucket list.
Another human story that comes out loud and clear as I read these is my relationship with alcohol. I have had an unhealthy relationship with drinking. It is something I have been working on for a number of years to find balance and health with in. Diving deeply into this is likely a story for another time but I will tell you that I am 1 year and 8 months sober at this time. It has been a very human journey that I continue to this day. I will be on a retreat to learn and improve my healing in this area of my life at my 2 year anniversary of sobriety. As you read the blogs about my experiences in the boundary waters, know that this struggle with alcohol was a part of the journey. I was already fighting to quit drinking and take better care of myself. I believe that that time in the BWCA was important to the healing that was taking place within me and allowing me to reach the healing that I needed to start to take better care of myself.
“The true joy in life is in the little ordinary moments when we fully allow ourselves to be human.” I would like to add to this and say that embracing our humanness and learning how to be better humans one step at a time is an important part of this journey.
Stacy Crep 