It was a Struggle

This morning’s run was a struggle. When the alarm went off, signaling it was time to get up and get started on my mornings healthy habits, I did not want to get out of bed. The alarm was snoozed and snoozed again. Eventually my commitment pulled me out of bed and downstairs to my meditation space. My mind was restless and I had to continually pull myself back to focusing on my breathing. I found myself peaking at the timer before I hit the 20 minute mark. Still I persisted and continued to sit quietly for the whole 20 minutes.

Next it was time for my run. It was 31 degrees out. The ice has melted off the driveway, so an outdoor run was called for. I began my warm up walk on the frozen gravel road. The air was crisp and calm. I could feel the resistance in my muscles even on the warm up walk. I pushed on, being my usual Stacy Sunshine, believing it was going to get better. Once the running began, it was still difficult. My muscles felt tight. I was short of breath. The hill seemed way more steeper than most mornings. I walked more than I ran.

I continued to push on. Convinced I could “positive think” myself out of the struggle. The full moon was setting over the hill in the distance. It was beautiful to behold. There was a pink tint to it in the early morning lavender sky. It felt inspiring to see it so large in the sky. It did not make the run any easier though. I completed my run, although I did not stick to the C25K algorithm completely. Although my time was the same as my run 2 days before, my distance was slightly shorter. Even though I got out there and did it, it still felt like a failure.

Why are some days like this? My day yesterday was stressful and full of intense emotions. I am recovering from a mild case of COVID, so perhaps that played in. The food choices I made yesterday were not as exemplary as I would have liked. When I weighed this morning, my weight was up slightly, causing me some disappointment. Was it any one of these things? Was it the combo deal of all of them? Should I blame it on the full moon?

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter why today was a tough day to take care of me. What does matter is that I got out there and took care of me. I continued my commitment to myself. I may repeat this run tomorrow, in order to be true to the walk/run ratios called for in the C25K program. If I don’t, know one would know or care, but I would be letting myself down. Commitment to ones self is of the highest importance.

Not everyday is going to be perfect. Not everyday is going to feel like a huge flaming ball of success. In fact, I believe, it is these days that are struggles, that we gain the most from. It is on these days that we remind ourself, we can push through. We can do what once seemed impossible. It is on these days that we grow! Keep those commitments to yourself. It is worth it. Push beyond the story in you head that says, “go back to bed”. In the end, you will be glad you did. I am very glad that I still meditated and ran today. Even though my experience was one of difficulty, I checked the boxes and got it done. Tomorrow is another day.

Thank you for reading my blog today. May you find the gumption within yourself to push through even when it feels difficult.


Do You Feel the Call

I can feel the creativity flowing within me. It wants to come out but not in the way it has in the past. This is not about just about writing a blog or creating a meme. This is about creating something that will live on beyond me. Something that will help people on a much bigger scale than my blogs currently can. Maybe it will even help me at a deeper level. After all, the wheel of the year has turned to the place where the crops are harvested and the seeds lay dormant under the surface. Just waiting for the time when their potential can be realized and rise again into the sun. This is how I feel now.

I want to create a class or retreat. I want to help others do their internal work. I feel it may be time for me to do this again as well. I was recently reading a book about someone who attended a silent retreat and that sounded interesting and growth inducing to me. There is something within me that has me saying that I should create one of my own. Am I destined to do it alone or am I going to offer it on a larger level?  I feel called to offer classes and retreats but how does that work within my world? How does that work with my travel. Perhaps offering something online? Is it possible for me to do more, be more, help more?

What types of stirrings do you feel in your soul? Are you called to create something right now? Do you feel more inclined to journal, paint, meditate, teach, or do some other type of creative endeavor? Am I alone in this calling (deep in my soul) right now or are other light workers feeling this call as well? I am always drawn to work collaboratively with groups, but at this spot on the wheel of the year, is the time right for that?

It is the right time to go inside, both physically and mentally; to feel deeply and learn more about yourself. It is a great time to do healing work. It is wonderful time to feel your pain so that it can be released with the new life that will arrive in the spring. Trust what you are feeling now. Trust what is bubbling up inside you. Follow your intuition that pulls deep in your gut and create!

Thank you for reading my blog today. I love you! May you be able to follow the pull you feel inside of you, as if by magic.

*Photo was taken in Indianapolis, IN

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