The Pain We Carry With US

I was recently talking with someone and he was telling me about a part of his life he felt was a failure. It seemed to me that the perceived failure in this part of the person’s life caused him to view himself as a failure. Failure is a very harsh word. We all carry these pains and self judgments about ourselves with us. How can we learn from them and move forward and realize these perceived failures do not define us.
Let us start by examining the word failure. Are we ever really a failure or do we just make choices that are not in our best interests? Some of the things I have done in my life, that may have seemed like failures at the time, have led me down different paths that I would not have taken if the other path had been a success. For example, there was a time, when a job did not work out the way I had planned. My position was replaced by someone else and I was given a different role at the time. I felt horrible and like a failure. As it turned out it led me to another job that was even better. Life has a way of leading us to exactly where we are meant to be.
We all have had experiences in life where things we have said and done have caused us to feel like we failed in that situation. We carry this pain with us. For a time I even felt like I had failed as a mother because of the pains that my children carry with them. I now see that all three of my daughters have grown to be beautiful, smart, dynamic women. I wish I could have spared them the pain they experienced, but I also see how this pain has formed and helped them to become the women they are today. The pain they have experienced has shaped each of them in different ways. It has given them talents and the ambition to move their lives in amazing ways. One of my daughters always fights for the underdog. She speaks out and shares her views even when it is not popular. Another one of my daughters is all about family. She loves big family gatherings and wants everyone to feel welcome and accepted. The last of my daughters leads people. She has a drive to build and lead teams. I am extremely proud of them.
Just because something does not turn out the way I had hoped, it is not a failure. We all have these times in our life. It is important that we take them out and look at them with new eyes. By allowing our view to shift we can see how, what we once thought was a failure, is in fact a blessing in disguise.
What has happened in your life, that you once thought was a failure, but now can see how it benefitted you in the long run?

Maintaining effective communication during the holidays

Today’s blog is written by Emy Minzel, Adventure Sister.

The stress of the holidays has a way of bringing us closer or tearing us apart. I hear stories that make me laugh, cry, and groan, sometimes all at the same time. I would like to focus on how we convey or communicate love in our closest family relationships. I am guilty of getting defensive when I hear something I may not agree with from people I love. Yet through my years I’ve learned it’s not the best way to communicate effectively.

We know that when our parents, family, and friends are meddling in our lives it’s usually because they love you and see things from a different perspective. They may have advice we don’t want to hear, but it is important for us to listen with love. They speak up because they had been there and done that, and don’t want to do it again. They warn us or tell us ‘how it is’ because they love you, even if it upsets us and pisses us off.

What if we decided to give our dearest family and friends, the benefit of the doubt? Choose to think only the best of them. If we tried to recognize that whatever they do or say, they do it out of love or fear. Then we could also assume that the people we love, do the best they can, in the time and space they’ve been given. I have realized that all our actions, the good, the bad, and the ugly, come from fear or love. At the root, we all want to be loved. As we grow in different ways and different directions, the way we communicate changes as well.

What matters is that we continue to communicate. Even if we are scared, it’s important to tell our loved ones if you are fearful, or hurt, without assuming their actions or words were purposely harmful. Most likely they were not. Keeping lines of communication open, by not overreacting or shutting down is difficult for some, yet it’s imperative for effective communication. When we overreact and blow up, our emotions take over and our ears stop listening, stopping any connection in its tracks. This can affect even our closest most cherished relationships.

What if we met miscommunication and perceived hurt with love? Understanding that loved ones are either fearful of something or trying to show love in a way you may not understand. How would the conversation change if we chose to calm fears, by focusing on love? It may take courage to ask our loved ones to explain until we understand. It takes disciplined focus to speak our truth the best we are able, in the kindest way possible. It’s well worth the work we put in to communicating well, we should talk and know it’s ok to agree to disagree, respectfully.

It can be hard to remember that how we communicate our thoughts and feelings will define our character. How we act/react, handle hard times/good times/holidays, how you make someone feel, the words you choose and how you say them become how you communicate. How you communicate portrays how your closest family and friends will remember you.

My hopes this holiday season are that you too choose love and communication. Remembering that most of your family will act out of fear or love. When we focus on love, we open understanding and healing, this is how we make the world a better place, one family at a time.

~ Emy Minzel, Adventure Sister

What is love?

What is love? Is it the passion you feel for your romantic partner? Is it the warmth in your heart when you see a sleeping baby? There are as many different answers to this question. Probably as there are people to ask it. I want to tell you about the selfless love my husband has displayed to me over that last couple of weeks. It has shown me another aspect to love. I am blessed to have the unconditional love of this man.

Two weeks ago I fell and broke my wrist. Having only the use of my left hand has given me challenges that I didn’t anticipate on having. We tend to under appreciate having two working hands. It isn’t until you lose the use of one hand that you recognize that. I have needed help with things that in the past I took for granted. Washing my hair, putting on my socks, and opening a container, were some of the tasks i needed help with. My husband patiently helped me with these once seemingly easy tasks.

When the pain was new and intense, he got up every 2 hours in the night to make sure I was as comfortable as possible and to give me pain medications. He has driven me to appointments and meetings. He has been right by my side throughout this process. My husband has taken over household chores that are typically my responsibility. He has done all of this with care and compassion. He is steady when I am having a meltdown because something is more difficult now. My husband reassures me, when I feel bad because I have lost my cool.

I now know that love is multifaceted. It is the hot steamy moments alone, touching and exploring pleasure together. It is looking tour new grandson with pride. It is holding hands and walking down the street as the sun sets together. Love is so much more than these sweet moments. Love is caring for another, even when it is not glamorous. Marty shows me his unending love by doing for me what i can’t not currently do for myself. He needs no praise or recognition. He does it because he loves me from deep in his soul.

I am grateful for this love. I am humbled by it. I hope he feels the depth of my love. When I bake cookies, wash the towels, and do other simple household tasks, I express this love.

What ways do you show your love?

11 Tips for Creating a Powerful Vision Board

Vision boards can be a powerful tool to help you focus on the things you want to bring into your life. I first heard of the practice when the book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, was on the New York Time Best Seller list. I have since created many vision boards and have had amazing results. Here are some tips to help your vision boarding be magical.

What do you want? ~ New car, travel, happiness. It might be all three or it might be you want the new car because it will allow you to travel, which you think will bring you happiness. Make a list of what it is you really want.
Variety of sources ~ There are several sources you can use to find images to attach to your project. Cut them out of magazines. Print things off the internet. Use photos of yourself. You can even draw images yourself.
Meaningful photos ~ I wanted to loose weight for one of the vision boards I was creating. I used pictures of myself from a time in my life when I was thin. Another time I wanted to have endless energy. I used photos of myself, wearing my bike helmet with my bike.
Words ~ Words have meanings. Using powerful words on your board along with pictures can really help clarify what you are manifesting.
Choose with feeling ~ Choose pictures and words that evoke a feeling in you. Feelings will make your board more powerful.
Creativity ~ The more of yourself you put into your vision the better it will work. Using your creativity connects it to your heart. Draw pictures or decorate words. Add your own flair.
Size matters ~ Don’t pick a really big size if there is no where to keep it up. Don’t use something so small you wont notice it.
Location, location, location ~ Will it live in your office? Hang over your bed so you see it when you wake up? Are you mobile so it has to be carried on your clip board. I wanted a grandfather clock once, because it reminded me of being at my grandparents house. I carried a picture of it on my clipboard until one day it was delivered to my home.
Have fun ~ The more fun you have while creating, the more happy, grateful, feel good emotions that will be attached to your board. When you look at it this is what you want to feel.
Make it an event ~ Invite a friend or two over to create with you. This will again attach happy fun memories and set the intention with positivity.
Believe ~ Just believe in the possibilities. You do not have to believe everything on the board will come true. You just have to believe everything on the board may come to you.

I enjoy the fun creative process of vision boarding. I hope, with these tips, you will find it a great way to improve your life. Do you have other tips? Do you have successes that could inspire others? Please share.

7 Ideas for Giving Feedback with Love

Are there ways we can open our heart and give honest feedback without hurting peoples feelings? Yesterday was a day for giving people feedback. It can be a scary thing to do honestly. People do not always want to hear that you don’t agree with them or think something can be improved upon.The day started with Toastmasters and letting two people, who are part of a group I just joined, know how they could improve on their speeches. The day progressed into sending feedback on chapters for the book my Adventure Sister, Emy and I have written together. Did I handle these situations in the best way possible? Did I open my heart and share my feedback with love? Here are some ideas on sharing feedback with love.

1. Be honest – don’t say it was great if it wasn’t. People respect your honest opinion. They can also smell through fake compliments.

2. Use a sandwich approach – I learned this one from my daughter. She gives the more difficult assessment sandwiched between positive observations .

3. Set the intention – prior to giving a critique I open my heart and set the intention that it will be heard with the love it was intended. I often ask Jesus to help me speak with love. After all Jesus was all about love.

4. Don’t sugar coat it – provide the information in such a way that it is not sugar coated. Be direct. If we use to many flowery comments or words the true message may be lost and the person may walk away not really understand what you were saying.

5, Don’t pretend to have all the answers – we are all just human. There are as many opinions as there are people. Be willing to discuss the response, if the person wants to talk about it.

6. Use your Heart Chakra – your heart chakra is an energy center in your chest. It is a great way to infuse love into your words. Just visualize all of your words coming through this energy center.

7. Provide a solution – give them another option, example, or an idea of how they could accomplish what they were intending.

Giving kind, honest feedback is a gift. We can not improve unless someone takes the risk to share how they perceived what we said or how we did. It can help us realize blind spots and move forward to be the best version of ourselves. Do you have other strategies that have helped you deliver difficult assessments with love?

Sending Love in Response to Pain

I believe in Love. I believe in the energy of Love and the intentions in conveys. I believe that Love is not just for our family and friends but for the whole world. I also know it is not always easy to share love. When someone has hurt us, how do we send Love their way instead of a lower vibrational emotion like hate, jealousy, fear, anger, or disgust. I want to share a story with you about sending Love.

One day my house was broken into. I was on the other side of the country for work and my roommate called me to let me know that he came home to the door open, things ransacked, and many of the electronics gone. I had to let my boss know and book a flight home the next morning. I entered my home alone in the middle of the day. It was a mess. My bedroom was the worst. Things had been tipped over, pulled from the closet, and strewn about the floor. Drawers were pulled open and dumped out. My laptop with all of my photos on it (many that were not backed up) was gone. I sat on the floor near the closet and cried at the feeling of violation. My bedroom was obvious that it belonged to a woman. I wondered how someone who had a mother, maybe sisters, or even a daughter, could violate me in this way.
As I sat there on the floor in front of my closet, I knew what I had to do. I had to send him Love. I sent prayers and intentions that his life would improve in such a way that this would no longer be an option for him. I put a post on Facebook and asked all my Facebook friends to do the same. It has been several years since this happened, but I also request that those of you reading this do the same. Please send Love to this person and intentions for improvement in his life so that he no longer feels the need to break into homes to support himself.
It was not an easy thing to do. I had people comment on how messed up it was to pray for the person who hurt me. I stand by the fact that it was the right thing to do.

I find that when people who we have been very close to hurt us, this can be much harder to do. The pain we feel causes us to want to lash out and protect ourselves. Only Love can begin to shift this. Sending other lower emotions does not benefit us. I know it does not seem easy or even possible. Please try it. It may never repair the relationship and you may be better off to be out of that relationship anyway. When someone hurts you or a person you Love, send Love to the offender. They are likely hurting in someway too. Love will only bring more Love to you.

Have you ever done this? What was the result? Please share any experiences you have with this.