Tag: Never alone

What I Want to Remember

As the wind blows away the dust of who I have been, what are the parts of my life I want to remember?

I want to remember who I am when I walk in nature. I want to feel the wind blowing through my hair, the sun warming my skin, and the grass beneath my feet. I want to remember how the sounds and scents of the natural world make me feel connected, whole, and at home. I want to hold on to the beauty I’ve witnessed—the vivid color of the sky, a single leaf, an eagle soaring overhead, the remarkable shapes of mushrooms growing on a fallen tree. These sights fill me with awe.

I want to remember the love I carry for the people who have shared this life with me. I want to remember to forgive—both myself and others—because life is messy. We are all stumbling through as best we can. I want to remember that it is okay to set boundaries and love people from afar. I want to show up each day with love, in spite of my flaws or theirs. I want to remember that everything happens for a reason, even when the reason is unclear. My responsibility is my own healing. It is not my job to heal others or to decide if they need healing—that is their journey.

I want to remember the love of my grandparents, and the love I hold for my grandchildren. Why does the separation of a generation seem to intensify relationships? My bond with my grandchildren feels so different from what I had with my children—not better, not purer, just different. The same is true of the love I felt from my grandparents; so very different from my parents. Now, as I walk this path without any grandparents in physical form and step fully into that role myself, I hope that long after I am gone, my grandchildren will feel my love—helping, guiding, and supporting them in ways I cannot do today.

Do I want to remember my journey through this lifetime? Are the occurrences and experiences important to my story? Every page I have turned along this path has shaped me, drawing me closer to the truest version of myself. I understand who I am today in a way I never did in childhood, or in my twenties, thirties, or even forties. The missteps and stumbles, the masks and roles, the passions and goals—all of these have been essential to discovering Stacy.When faced with the question, “What do I want to remember?” I think the answer is simple:
I want to remember who I am.

A Letter from Love

The Book of Alchemy by Suleika Jaouad is full of enticing journal prompts to help us as journalers, as people, as fellow travelers in life, to delve more deeply into ourselves. This morning as I flipped through the book the prompt asked me to write a letter from Love. 

“Dear Love, What would you have me know today?”

Dear beloved one, 

As the sun rises into the sky over your world shining brightly on everything, I am there. Tonight as the sun sets bathing the world into a dusky quilt of color, I am there. As the sliver of the moon hangs in the dark night sky, I am there too. There have been times in your life where you did not embrace me, maybe you even doubted if I was real. I have always been here. I have been cheering you on. Celebrating your successes and compassionately holding you in the times you felt failure. 

I want you to know that even in those times when everything felt like it was falling apart, it was actually falling together. Those times that felt so dark and deep, when you felt the inky darkness of despair was all around you, those were times to encourage you to take the next step up. These were times for you to find your will to move beyond your experience into the beauty of your true self. 

I see you dear one, as the beautiful bright soul that you are. I love you with all that I am. I wrap and swirl all around you and within you. I know you more than you even know yourself. You allow your value to be defined by the thoughts and deeds of others. You forget that you are more than you appear. You allow your goals to be set by the expectations that have been placed upon you by the well meaning, who confuse love with safety.  I see you, as I have always seen you. 

You burn brightly, filled with the stuff of stars. Take a deep breath child and feel me. Pause and allow yourself to be wrapped within me, eternal love. You are beautiful. The parts of you you think of as flaws are only part of the unique fabric of who you are. There are no flaws. When I gaze upon you I see you as you cannot see yourself. I see the perfection of the wholeness of you. 

I would like for you to fully and deeply love yourself, but I see that you may not be ready for the fullness of this just yet. In those times when you feel alone, or unworthy of love; call to me. I am here loving you even when you cannot find me within yourself or others. I am here to wrap you in my warm embrace. I will give you a safe nest to retreat to for just a little while. It only takes a moment, a breath, to find me. Take that deep breath in and feel me, Love, surrounding you and all that you are. Feel me loving all of you. You are worthy and deserving of the fullness of my unconditional love and dedication. 

In deepest devotion, 

Love