The Pain We Carry With US

I was recently talking with someone and he was telling me about a part of his life he felt was a failure. It seemed to me that the perceived failure in this part of the person’s life caused him to view himself as a failure. Failure is a very harsh word. We all carry these pains and self judgments about ourselves with us. How can we learn from them and move forward and realize these perceived failures do not define us.
Let us start by examining the word failure. Are we ever really a failure or do we just make choices that are not in our best interests? Some of the things I have done in my life, that may have seemed like failures at the time, have led me down different paths that I would not have taken if the other path had been a success. For example, there was a time, when a job did not work out the way I had planned. My position was replaced by someone else and I was given a different role at the time. I felt horrible and like a failure. As it turned out it led me to another job that was even better. Life has a way of leading us to exactly where we are meant to be.
We all have had experiences in life where things we have said and done have caused us to feel like we failed in that situation. We carry this pain with us. For a time I even felt like I had failed as a mother because of the pains that my children carry with them. I now see that all three of my daughters have grown to be beautiful, smart, dynamic women. I wish I could have spared them the pain they experienced, but I also see how this pain has formed and helped them to become the women they are today. The pain they have experienced has shaped each of them in different ways. It has given them talents and the ambition to move their lives in amazing ways. One of my daughters always fights for the underdog. She speaks out and shares her views even when it is not popular. Another one of my daughters is all about family. She loves big family gatherings and wants everyone to feel welcome and accepted. The last of my daughters leads people. She has a drive to build and lead teams. I am extremely proud of them.
Just because something does not turn out the way I had hoped, it is not a failure. We all have these times in our life. It is important that we take them out and look at them with new eyes. By allowing our view to shift we can see how, what we once thought was a failure, is in fact a blessing in disguise.
What has happened in your life, that you once thought was a failure, but now can see how it benefitted you in the long run?

What is love?

What is love? Is it the passion you feel for your romantic partner? Is it the warmth in your heart when you see a sleeping baby? There are as many different answers to this question. Probably as there are people to ask it. I want to tell you about the selfless love my husband has displayed to me over that last couple of weeks. It has shown me another aspect to love. I am blessed to have the unconditional love of this man.

Two weeks ago I fell and broke my wrist. Having only the use of my left hand has given me challenges that I didn’t anticipate on having. We tend to under appreciate having two working hands. It isn’t until you lose the use of one hand that you recognize that. I have needed help with things that in the past I took for granted. Washing my hair, putting on my socks, and opening a container, were some of the tasks i needed help with. My husband patiently helped me with these once seemingly easy tasks.

When the pain was new and intense, he got up every 2 hours in the night to make sure I was as comfortable as possible and to give me pain medications. He has driven me to appointments and meetings. He has been right by my side throughout this process. My husband has taken over household chores that are typically my responsibility. He has done all of this with care and compassion. He is steady when I am having a meltdown because something is more difficult now. My husband reassures me, when I feel bad because I have lost my cool.

I now know that love is multifaceted. It is the hot steamy moments alone, touching and exploring pleasure together. It is looking tour new grandson with pride. It is holding hands and walking down the street as the sun sets together. Love is so much more than these sweet moments. Love is caring for another, even when it is not glamorous. Marty shows me his unending love by doing for me what i can’t not currently do for myself. He needs no praise or recognition. He does it because he loves me from deep in his soul.

I am grateful for this love. I am humbled by it. I hope he feels the depth of my love. When I bake cookies, wash the towels, and do other simple household tasks, I express this love.

What ways do you show your love?

Offer blessings or thanks prior to a meal?

Is there a purpose to offering blessing to our food? Anyone who has grown up in at least a moderately religious family has been told to offer blessings prior to a meal. Is there more to the idea of offering blessings?

Offering blessings to food have been a tradition in many different spiritual beliefs. There are prays of blessing in, Jewish, Buddhist, Christian, Hindu, Wicca, Native American, and most other spiritual practices. Why is all of this blessing so important?

Gratitude – Of course we know an attitude of gratitude will help us manifest more things to be grateful for. The law of attraction tells us like attracts like. The more blessings we offer the more blessings the Universe will conspire to bring us.

Peace- In 1924 Cleve Backster hooked plants to polygraphs. He noted that plants could react with fear and anxiety. Others have carried on this research and it has been found that there is a peacefulness in the plants that have blessings offered over them prior to being eaten.

Energy- Everything is energy. By offering thanks for the food we are about to eat we align our vibration and the foods in order to most fully make use of the energy in the meal.

Gift- We acknowledge that it is a gift and that something or someone made a sacrifice in order for us to have the food that is about to fill our bellies.

Tradition- Many families have traditions about saying “Grace” or offering blessings. Traditions or a wonderful way to keep a connection to your ancestors.

Next time you eat a meal, offer a blessing to it, it may be more important than you think. It certainly will not hurt anything.

What are your family traditions around blessing food? Is offering blessings for your meal something you enjoy? How does it make you feel?

10 tricks to stop negative energy and refocus it to the positive.

Today’s blog is written by my beautiful, smart, daughter, Liz Lamoureux. She makes me so proud!

Sometimes life likes to challenge us by giving us what we think is more than we can handle. Unfortunately, when we feel this way there is nothing we can do but carry on anyways. So here are some techniques to help you when you find yourself feeling overwhelmed.

Count your blessings. A very important thing to remember when you’re feeling sorry for yourself is that someone always has it worse than you. One reason we may have to encounter difficult times in our lives is to remind us of all the things we should be grateful for. For every negative comment, find three positive blessings to replace it.

Reach out to your support system. Having a support system is not only something to be grateful for but very helpful when you think you’ve been dealt more than you can handle. Reaching out to someone to vent to or a group that has been in similar situations, can be very beneficial. Just keep in mind that someone may not always be available to you so you might need to find another form of release.

Count to 10. When you are at your prime “freak-out” moment, STOP! These are the times to just breathe and count to 10. Giving yourself 10 seconds to cool down can be the difference of giving yourself over to further destructions or just accepting your current fate.

Go for a walk, Going for a walk or exercising is a great way to release the negative energy or tension built up. Many people even find it helpful to just pace around.

Laugh about it. Sometimes life is just so ridiculously unbelievable all you can do is laugh about. Ever heard the expression “laugh to keep from crying?” That is exactly it. While crying is a healthy way to express emotion; laughing can be just as, if not more, beneficial. So next time just try laughing about that spilt milk.

Distraction. Finding ways to distract yourself can really help ease the negative emotions you are feelings. It is a little escape to bake your favorite dish, mold your favorite project or play that great game. It’s a nice little break for yourself.

Deal with it. Sometimes what is going on may not be able to be pushed off. This is the time to put your “big kid pants” on and deal with it. Procrastinating these types of situations may only further your struggles and facing your situation head-on will feel like a weight lifted off your shoulders in the end.

Be Creative. Reaching out to our creative side at these times is a good way to out that energy into something great. It could be listening to music and dancing it off, writing about it or maybe you’re a painter and the times with true emotion is the times great art is born.

Essential oils/calming tea. If you’re feeling overly energized with whatever is going on in your life maybe you need to have a drink! A drink of herbal tea, that is. Great relaxing teas are those that contain chamomile or lavender. Herbal teas have very calming effects as do essential oils. Chamomile and lavender oils are on the list,of course, but some other ones to try are ylang ylang, cinnamon, rose and sandalwood. Rub a couple drops on your wrists or neck, and behold a calming effect.

Take a nap, A wise man once told me tomorrow is a new day. Sometimes you just have to take a rest, let your body and mind process everything and re energize. More times than not you find yourself feeling 100x better when you wake up and maybe some new ideas on how to cope with whatever you are being challenged with.

~Liz Lamoureux

Dysfunctional relationship with time?

I have had a dysfunctional relationship that I am in the process of healing. It is with time. I have had this belief that there is never enough time. A friend once told me that time is the most precious commodity because you can not make more. That made a lot of sense to me at the time. I am now changing that belief. So many of us have this same constant battle with time. What new beliefs can we substitute? What could life be like if we flowed easily within the ethereal nature of time.

I have been a workaholic. Something needs to be getting done for me to find it a worthy use of my time. “There is not enough time”. “I am running late”. “Time is running out”. “Time flies”. “Don’t waste time”. How often do we say or hear these mantras and so many more. Living in a fast paced world can feel draining. It may even seem that it is speeding up. Think about the frequency with which we hear someone say how quickly the year/day/season has gone.

Let’s work together to start to shift these beliefs. “There is an abundance of time”. “Divine time will assist me to arrive exactly when I am supposed to”. “I flow freely within the flexible nature of time”. “I can slow time to meet my desires”. “Cherish this present moment”. When you feel tempted to use one of the old ingrained mantras, try substituting one of these and see how your world changes.

Imagine a world where time is flexible and it bends to our thoughts. We live in such a world. Time is not a constant. We have the power to slow time down. Try it the next time you are really enjoying yourself. Consciously say, “I am going to slow down time. I am going to cherish every moment. There is plenty of time”. How would this change your enjoyment of that event? Living in the present or the now, you would not be distracted by worry of everything else on your mental “to do” list. Divine time says that it flows fluidly. There is not lack. There is plenty. If you trust in the Divine timing you will find you arrive perfectly when you should. Time is never wasted. Things are experienced. It adds a whole new appreciation and ease to life.

Let’s heal this relationship. Let’s live consciously in the present knowing there is plenty of time. We flow freely within the ethereal nature of it. We have the power to adjust its flow to meet our desires. We can experience life and enjoy the natural flow.

Have you tried this? What have been your results? Do you have other technics you use?

7 Ideas for Giving Feedback with Love

Are there ways we can open our heart and give honest feedback without hurting peoples feelings? Yesterday was a day for giving people feedback. It can be a scary thing to do honestly. People do not always want to hear that you don’t agree with them or think something can be improved upon.The day started with Toastmasters and letting two people, who are part of a group I just joined, know how they could improve on their speeches. The day progressed into sending feedback on chapters for the book my Adventure Sister, Emy and I have written together. Did I handle these situations in the best way possible? Did I open my heart and share my feedback with love? Here are some ideas on sharing feedback with love.

1. Be honest – don’t say it was great if it wasn’t. People respect your honest opinion. They can also smell through fake compliments.

2. Use a sandwich approach – I learned this one from my daughter. She gives the more difficult assessment sandwiched between positive observations .

3. Set the intention – prior to giving a critique I open my heart and set the intention that it will be heard with the love it was intended. I often ask Jesus to help me speak with love. After all Jesus was all about love.

4. Don’t sugar coat it – provide the information in such a way that it is not sugar coated. Be direct. If we use to many flowery comments or words the true message may be lost and the person may walk away not really understand what you were saying.

5, Don’t pretend to have all the answers – we are all just human. There are as many opinions as there are people. Be willing to discuss the response, if the person wants to talk about it.

6. Use your Heart Chakra – your heart chakra is an energy center in your chest. It is a great way to infuse love into your words. Just visualize all of your words coming through this energy center.

7. Provide a solution – give them another option, example, or an idea of how they could accomplish what they were intending.

Giving kind, honest feedback is a gift. We can not improve unless someone takes the risk to share how they perceived what we said or how we did. It can help us realize blind spots and move forward to be the best version of ourselves. Do you have other strategies that have helped you deliver difficult assessments with love?

Sending Love in Response to Pain

I believe in Love. I believe in the energy of Love and the intentions in conveys. I believe that Love is not just for our family and friends but for the whole world. I also know it is not always easy to share love. When someone has hurt us, how do we send Love their way instead of a lower vibrational emotion like hate, jealousy, fear, anger, or disgust. I want to share a story with you about sending Love.

One day my house was broken into. I was on the other side of the country for work and my roommate called me to let me know that he came home to the door open, things ransacked, and many of the electronics gone. I had to let my boss know and book a flight home the next morning. I entered my home alone in the middle of the day. It was a mess. My bedroom was the worst. Things had been tipped over, pulled from the closet, and strewn about the floor. Drawers were pulled open and dumped out. My laptop with all of my photos on it (many that were not backed up) was gone. I sat on the floor near the closet and cried at the feeling of violation. My bedroom was obvious that it belonged to a woman. I wondered how someone who had a mother, maybe sisters, or even a daughter, could violate me in this way.
As I sat there on the floor in front of my closet, I knew what I had to do. I had to send him Love. I sent prayers and intentions that his life would improve in such a way that this would no longer be an option for him. I put a post on Facebook and asked all my Facebook friends to do the same. It has been several years since this happened, but I also request that those of you reading this do the same. Please send Love to this person and intentions for improvement in his life so that he no longer feels the need to break into homes to support himself.
It was not an easy thing to do. I had people comment on how messed up it was to pray for the person who hurt me. I stand by the fact that it was the right thing to do.

I find that when people who we have been very close to hurt us, this can be much harder to do. The pain we feel causes us to want to lash out and protect ourselves. Only Love can begin to shift this. Sending other lower emotions does not benefit us. I know it does not seem easy or even possible. Please try it. It may never repair the relationship and you may be better off to be out of that relationship anyway. When someone hurts you or a person you Love, send Love to the offender. They are likely hurting in someway too. Love will only bring more Love to you.

Have you ever done this? What was the result? Please share any experiences you have with this.

More Than Just Warm Milk – natural treatments for insomnia

I read once that people used to sleep eight hours at night but not in one sitting. They would go to bed and sleep for about four hours or so and then they would need to get up and stoke the fire. They would get up and write letters and visit in the middle of the night and then go back to bed and sleep the last four hours of the night. I think there is a part of my being that remembers these old ways because to be awake in the middle of the night used to be an every night occurrence. It still happens to me on certain nights. I have a list of a dozen things that are worth a try if sleep seems elusive for you.

Cool room – I have always noticed that I slept better in a cool room but recently my Chiropractor was informing me that a cool room has been proven to improve sleep.
Hot bath – A nice warm bath before bed will help relax muscles. Water is also very grounding. A warm bath before bed may be just what you need to get some serious Z’s.
Essential oils – I can’t say enough about all the great things essential oils can do for you. Some great ones to help promote sleep are Lavender, Bergamot, and Geranium. I also like Frankincense. It is a great oil for a multitude of things and my personal favorite.
Magnesium – Recently I have been hearing about a connection between Magnesium deficiencies and trouble sleeping. I have personally not tried a magnesium supplement for my insomnia, but I may consider it. If I give it a try I will let you know in a future blog how it works for me. Of course check with your doctor before taking a supplement to see if it is a safe choice for you.
Notebook and pen – Keep a notebook and a pen next to your bed. Is a “to do” list of items keeping you awake? Jot those thoughts on the notebook. Then your brain can trust they will not be forgot and move on to dreaming.
Left nostril – A trick from my Kundalini Yoga training is left nostril breathing. Holding your right nostril shut and just breathing through your left nostril will help to relax you. It will induce feelings of being tired.
Mudras – Mudras are a yoga pose for your hands. One that I find helpful for sleep is to pull your thumb in against the palm of your hand and then wrap your other four fingers down over it. It is like you are making a fist with your thumb on the inside. Holding your hands in this position can help bring about slumber.
Salt Lamps – Salt lamps have recently become very popular. They have all kinds of great healing properties. They are said to help reduce the contamination from all of our electronics. By reducing this contamination they allow us to get better sleep.
Cup of tea – Chamomile, Valerian, and Kava Kava are three herbs that can be found in teas to aide with sleep. There are even teas with Lavender in the blend. A cup of one of these before bed can be a great way to drift off.
White noise – White noise or soft relaxing music can be helpful. I personally like a fan on in the room but there are lots of choices. There are apps that play, white noise, fan noise, nature sounds, etc. I feel the fan helps me saw logs because I can’t hear the other noises the house makes.
Rocks – The little girl in me loves rocks. Crystals that could aid in you finding your relaxed state are Amethyst, Labradorite, Jade, Moonstone, and Celestine.
Meditation – Kundalini Yoga has several meditations that can help promote restful sleep. Any type of meditation can be effective in helping you achieve that Zen state to drift away.

Do you have other tricks that help make you sleep that you would like to share with others? Please share those that are effective for you. Sweet dreams. I hope you get plenty of dream time and rest.

9 ways to improve meditation

I can remember when I first started to learn about meditation, I really just didn’t get it. I became frustrated and was apprehensive to do it. I dove into learning about meditation, sought out teachers, and pursued learning more about it. Some people meditate for the health benefits, some for a connection with God, others to clear their mind, center, and find peace. Whatever the reason meditation has been proven to be a powerful tool in wellness. Here are some ideas to help you improve your meditations.

1. Mantra – mantra is a repeating of words or sounds. Often it is in Sanskrit but can be in any language. It can be silently repeated in the mind or out loud. I recently listened to a meditation lead by Deepak Chopra and he used the Mantra, “So Hum”. It is Sanskrit for “I am That”. In Kundalini Yoga we often use “Sat Nam”, which means “I am Truth”. “Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful” is another mantra used in Kundalini Yoga. You can choose a word that is something you want more of in your life or a favorite Saints name. For Catholics, saying the Rosary can be a form of mantra meditation.

2. Breath – focusing on your breath is a technique many teachers and people use for meditation. Let your focus rest on the rise and fall of your stomach. Feel the breath pass through your nostrils. Any time you start to notice thoughts, bring your focus back to your breath.

3. Guided meditation – there are many guided meditations on YouTube. These can be helpful especially when you are new to meditation. More experienced meditators may find this distracting. I have also seen apps for meditation; they provide a reminder and a short meditation.

4. Visual aides – meditation is about remaining present. Gazing at a candle flame or tracing a pattern in a piece of cloth with your eyes can be helpful in remaining in the now.

5. Music – soft peaceful music can be helpful in preventing the mind from wandering to background noise. I heard a wise Buddhist teacher say once that when we meditate in the forest we do not become upset when the birds chirps because we do not think we can control the bird. Background noise can be distracting during meditation so adding some music can help distance it.

6. Coloring or mandalas – adult coloring books have recently become very popular. This is a great meditation technique. Take a deep breath and just be present while coloring in the small spaces. A mandala is a circle you fill in with color, pictures or designs. They can represent your subconscious or reflect your inner self.

7. Essential oils – Frankincense and Sandalwood are two of my favorites. Other nice options are Lavender and Chamomile because of their calming nature. Many of the essential oil manufacturers also make blends that are helpful attaining a meditative state.

8. Crystals – stones and crystals all have their own vibrational qualities (think back to your science classes about atoms). Having certain stones or crystals near can help you in your meditation. Some of my favorites are fluorite, amethyst, aquamarine, and quartz (either clear or smokey).

9. Have a cup of tea – have a cup of tea with an herb to aid in relaxation prior to meditation. After you finish your tea make sure you empty your bladder. You do not want to get in a nice Zen state only to have your bladder distracting you. Some nice relaxing herbs that can be found in teas are Kava Kava, Chamomile, and Valerian.

Meditation can be such a big step towards wellness. It is certainly one worth taking. These are some things that have been helpful for me on my meditation journey. Do you have other suggestions for new meditators? I would be interested in hearing your ideas or how any of these things work for you.