Blessings Beyond What Is Typical

We have an employee wellness program where I work. One of the wellness activities was to make a list of things we are thankful for. There are so many reason why we should focus on the items we are thankful for. It improves mood. What we think about, come about. We are more likely to be generous with others when we recognize the gifts in our own life. I am sure anyone reading this could immediately come up with many blessings we have in our life. But what of the things we take for granted? What of the things that are hidden blessings?

Immediately when thinking about what i am thankful for I go to the standard blessings. My 3 beautiful daughters and stepson, 4 grandchildren, supportive husband, my home, job, my Adventure Sister Emy, dear friends, smart coworkers, and the like. I live a blessed life. My life has always had a way of working out and having things fall into place for the best. Of course we all have different blessing. What I call blessings, others may not feel the same way about. I may have blessings others do not; they likely also have blessings I do not.

There are so many things that we take for granted that others would consider a true benefit. I have always been healthy and as such I have taken my health for granted. Recently when I broke my wrist and did not have the use of my dominate hand I learned appreciation for my right hand. Another thing I have always taken for granted is the mobility we have by living in an age where planes, trains, and automobiles are plentiful. I had an elderly patient tell me one time about when she was sick as a child. Her father had to put her in the back of the wagon or buggy and hitch it to horses. It took them two days to get her to the hospital for treatment. Additionally it was winter so wrapped up in warm blankets was her protection form the elements. I know she was grateful for getting to the hospital. How different is that from our lives today. Emy Minzel, my Adventure Sister, has a blog post coming soon on EmyMinzel.com about another area we often don’t count as an blessing but it totally is. It should be on her blog by Jan 6th or 7th. I encourage you to look for it.

Hidden blessing are those things that do not seem like something to be glad for in the beginning. A teenage daughter coming home pregnant, can feel like the end of the world. After your grandchild is born, however, it can feel like the world is new and full of more love than you knew was possible. A divorce, can feel like everything is crumbling. It may take years of healing and mourning the loss of the marriage, but one day you may be ready to move on. The next marriage or relationship may be much healthier and more supportive. Or perhaps simply having a healthy self esteem and view of yourself will be the price at the end of the hard times. I once had a job that I loved. I decreased my hours to put family first. The owners made a decision to demote me and hire someone else into my position. At the time I felt so hurt and like such a failure. I quit that job and ended up in a much better job where there was more opportunity for advancement and better pay. Sometime God or the Universe conspires to bring us to better places, even though the path may be painful.

As I look out the window at a beautiful sunny day sparkling off the snow that blankets the backyard, I am grateful for the 3 degree Fahrenheit temperatures. After all it is 20 warmer than it was a few days ago and the sun is shining. Count your blessings, make a list of things you are thankful for, start a gratitude journal. What ever works to help keep your blessings in the front of your mind. Do not forget those things we take for granted and those times in life that turned out to be for the best, even if it didn’t feel like it at the time.

What hidden blessing have you had in your life? Have you had experiences you would like to share that made you realize something/someone you were taking for granted?

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Bringing Hidden Emotions to the Surface

Recently Emy and I started planning our next BWCA trip. We were debating how many days we should stay. Because there is usually no cell service and you have to arrange for an outfitter to drop you off and pick you up, once you are there, you are there for the duration. I have noticed that when I am “stuck” somewhere, without some distraction, my emotions move.

There was one year that it rained, a lot! Emy and I passed the time sitting under a tarp, drinking tea, journaling, and talking. There is no electricity so using your phone for entertainment is not an option. After hours of sitting under our shelter I felt this desire to leave. I didn’t want to be there anymore. It was like my “fight/flight” response was in full swing and I wanted to run! Of course there was no way and no where to run to. I had to just sit. Then a breakthrough happened. My emotions broke free. I had a revelation. I became aware of some old thoughts about myself that I was holding as true. I realized that I did not believe I was lovable. I broke into tears and cried (something I seldom do). Because of this solitude and sanctuary of the forest, I was able to process this emotion.

Another year, it was the day before we were scheduled to leave, a beautiful sunny day had us lounging in the sun. I could feel the anxiety building in me. Our scheduled pick up time on the next day seemed so late in the day to me. We had a long drive to Emy’s home and then I had an additional hour to my house. I needed to unpack from the BWCA trip. I was scheduled on an early morning flight the next day for work and needed to pack for that trip. Laying there, on a warm rock, next to a sparkling lake, I once again felt that “fight/flight” instinct kick in and I wanted to run. I needed to get home and get stuff done! With nowhere to go and nothing I could do, I asked myself why I was feeling this way. Digging into those emotions and explored their root cause, helped me realized it was about not speaking up for myself. When we were arranging our pickup time, I knew I needed to leave early. When Emy suggested a later pickup time to the outfitter, I didn’t explain to her my perceived need to leave early because of pressure to get ready for a work trip. I just passively let her pick the time. Here it was four or five days later and it was causing me discomfort. Being in a place where I could allow my emotions to surface without the distractions the modern world offers us, gave me the time and space to allow the emotions to surface. I had the ability to dig into them and see what was causing them. I then knew how to prevent feeling like this in the future and advocate for myself.

So often in life we use distractions so that we do not have to deal with our emotions. TV, alcohol, games on our phones, housework, and so many other things to “be busy” and not have to deal with or process our emotions. Give yourself time and space to just be. Even though, at times, it may be uncomfortable it will allow those old emotions to break free. Then you can deal with them and release them.

What types of things do you do to “be busy” and not feel? How do you find space to let these emotions surface?

7 Techniques to Keep Spiritual Ego in Check

Have you ever run across a spiritual teacher who believes they have all the answers. They may even bad mouth other spiritual teachers? Perhaps they do things or treat people in ways you do not agree with? This is what I call spiritual ego. It is when a person believes they have all the answers and use that to justify their actions. It may even cause a falling out between people.

Spiritual ego is certainly not something that just happens to spiritual teachers. Any of us can fall prey to our own spiritual ego. How can you avoid this?

1. Know you do not have all the answers. There is a lot of mystery in spirituality. Accept that the mystery is a part of it.

2. Be willing to listen to others view points. We all want to share the things in our own spirituality that give us peace, comfort, or joy. Others do to. By listening we may hear or learn something that deepens our own spirituality.

3. Accept others where they are at. Everyone is at their own place on their spiritual journey. They are at the exact place they are meant to be in this time and place. Just because their journey is different than yours does not make it wrong.

4. Don’t judge. There are many types of spirituality out there. They range from giant organized religions to highly personalized, individual relationships with a greater power. If you study major religions you will see there are more similarities than differences. Recognizing that we are all the same, in the most basic ways, is a huge step to laying your judgments aside.

5. The golden rule. “Do unto others as you would have other do unto you”. This has always resonated with me. Did you know most of the world religions have a version of this.

6. Allow for expansion. When we allow ourselves to expand it is easy to be more inclusive. We allow change within ourselves and open to the possibility of becoming a bigger better version of ourselves.

7. See yourself in the other. When we allow ourselves to see aspects of us in the other person, it creates empathy and understanding.

Spirituality is a beautiful thing and can be very comforting. Believing we have all the answers can be dangerous and can lead to spiritual ego. I know atheists who are more kind, giving, loving, and altruistic than some religious people I know. Be open to others individuality and personal journeys. This will help you to keep your own spiritual ego in check.

The Pain We Carry With US

I was recently talking with someone and he was telling me about a part of his life he felt was a failure. It seemed to me that the perceived failure in this part of the person’s life caused him to view himself as a failure. Failure is a very harsh word. We all carry these pains and self judgments about ourselves with us. How can we learn from them and move forward and realize these perceived failures do not define us.
Let us start by examining the word failure. Are we ever really a failure or do we just make choices that are not in our best interests? Some of the things I have done in my life, that may have seemed like failures at the time, have led me down different paths that I would not have taken if the other path had been a success. For example, there was a time, when a job did not work out the way I had planned. My position was replaced by someone else and I was given a different role at the time. I felt horrible and like a failure. As it turned out it led me to another job that was even better. Life has a way of leading us to exactly where we are meant to be.
We all have had experiences in life where things we have said and done have caused us to feel like we failed in that situation. We carry this pain with us. For a time I even felt like I had failed as a mother because of the pains that my children carry with them. I now see that all three of my daughters have grown to be beautiful, smart, dynamic women. I wish I could have spared them the pain they experienced, but I also see how this pain has formed and helped them to become the women they are today. The pain they have experienced has shaped each of them in different ways. It has given them talents and the ambition to move their lives in amazing ways. One of my daughters always fights for the underdog. She speaks out and shares her views even when it is not popular. Another one of my daughters is all about family. She loves big family gatherings and wants everyone to feel welcome and accepted. The last of my daughters leads people. She has a drive to build and lead teams. I am extremely proud of them.
Just because something does not turn out the way I had hoped, it is not a failure. We all have these times in our life. It is important that we take them out and look at them with new eyes. By allowing our view to shift we can see how, what we once thought was a failure, is in fact a blessing in disguise.
What has happened in your life, that you once thought was a failure, but now can see how it benefitted you in the long run?

10 tricks to stop negative energy and refocus it to the positive.

Today’s blog is written by my beautiful, smart, daughter, Liz Lamoureux. She makes me so proud!

Sometimes life likes to challenge us by giving us what we think is more than we can handle. Unfortunately, when we feel this way there is nothing we can do but carry on anyways. So here are some techniques to help you when you find yourself feeling overwhelmed.

Count your blessings. A very important thing to remember when you’re feeling sorry for yourself is that someone always has it worse than you. One reason we may have to encounter difficult times in our lives is to remind us of all the things we should be grateful for. For every negative comment, find three positive blessings to replace it.

Reach out to your support system. Having a support system is not only something to be grateful for but very helpful when you think you’ve been dealt more than you can handle. Reaching out to someone to vent to or a group that has been in similar situations, can be very beneficial. Just keep in mind that someone may not always be available to you so you might need to find another form of release.

Count to 10. When you are at your prime “freak-out” moment, STOP! These are the times to just breathe and count to 10. Giving yourself 10 seconds to cool down can be the difference of giving yourself over to further destructions or just accepting your current fate.

Go for a walk, Going for a walk or exercising is a great way to release the negative energy or tension built up. Many people even find it helpful to just pace around.

Laugh about it. Sometimes life is just so ridiculously unbelievable all you can do is laugh about. Ever heard the expression “laugh to keep from crying?” That is exactly it. While crying is a healthy way to express emotion; laughing can be just as, if not more, beneficial. So next time just try laughing about that spilt milk.

Distraction. Finding ways to distract yourself can really help ease the negative emotions you are feelings. It is a little escape to bake your favorite dish, mold your favorite project or play that great game. It’s a nice little break for yourself.

Deal with it. Sometimes what is going on may not be able to be pushed off. This is the time to put your “big kid pants” on and deal with it. Procrastinating these types of situations may only further your struggles and facing your situation head-on will feel like a weight lifted off your shoulders in the end.

Be Creative. Reaching out to our creative side at these times is a good way to out that energy into something great. It could be listening to music and dancing it off, writing about it or maybe you’re a painter and the times with true emotion is the times great art is born.

Essential oils/calming tea. If you’re feeling overly energized with whatever is going on in your life maybe you need to have a drink! A drink of herbal tea, that is. Great relaxing teas are those that contain chamomile or lavender. Herbal teas have very calming effects as do essential oils. Chamomile and lavender oils are on the list,of course, but some other ones to try are ylang ylang, cinnamon, rose and sandalwood. Rub a couple drops on your wrists or neck, and behold a calming effect.

Take a nap, A wise man once told me tomorrow is a new day. Sometimes you just have to take a rest, let your body and mind process everything and re energize. More times than not you find yourself feeling 100x better when you wake up and maybe some new ideas on how to cope with whatever you are being challenged with.

~Liz Lamoureux

Go towards fear?

Our first year going into the Boundary Water Canoe Area, Emy and I were full of nervous energy and a lot of that was covered up with bravado. We wanted to hit the water right away at 5am when the outfitters open, so that we could make the most of the first day. The night before we stayed in the bunk house. We shared our bunk house room with others.

There was a group of men that stayed in one room and there was John. John was there from the Chicago area for his annual BWCA trip with his buddies. There was only one problem. John’s buddies all for one reason or another were not going to make it. I was impressed with John, who took all of this in stride and decided he would venture out into he wilderness solo. John also had nervous energy covered up with bravado as he talked about his voyage. He told us about the length of his BWCA adventure and the amount of portaging he was going to have to do. The weather was predicting rain. Emy and I put on our manifestation hats and told John to focus on sunshine and sunshine is what he would get. John was a good natured fellow and took our advise in stride.

We sat on the steps of the bunkhouse that night, all of us nervous. All of us also excited about what our trip would bring. The lamp outside the door blanketed us in a yellow glow. A moth floated back and forth between us as we chatted. Other nighttime insects buzzed around. At this point Emy and I were thinking we were in a little over our heads. I wonder if John felt the same way too. It was a totally empowering feeling to be taking on the untamed wilderness. It was also quite scary.

As Emy and I sat in the rain at our campsite the next day, we wondered if John was sitting in the rain. We wondered what it was like to be out in the wilderness, on a trip that was planned with friends, now taking it alone.

Those things that scare us can empower us. Someone told me recently to go toward my fear. To use fear as a gage that I am doing the right thing. During that first trip to the BWCA, so many years ago, we went toward our fear and our life has been so much richer as a result. Two women, alone out in the forest, surviving with what we carried in and what we could catch. When we planned the trip we didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into. Now we can’t imagine our lives without it.

What things have you done that scared you but now have made you life richer or fuller? What do you think about going towards your fear? Is that good advice or not?

7 Ideas for Giving Feedback with Love

Are there ways we can open our heart and give honest feedback without hurting peoples feelings? Yesterday was a day for giving people feedback. It can be a scary thing to do honestly. People do not always want to hear that you don’t agree with them or think something can be improved upon.The day started with Toastmasters and letting two people, who are part of a group I just joined, know how they could improve on their speeches. The day progressed into sending feedback on chapters for the book my Adventure Sister, Emy and I have written together. Did I handle these situations in the best way possible? Did I open my heart and share my feedback with love? Here are some ideas on sharing feedback with love.

1. Be honest – don’t say it was great if it wasn’t. People respect your honest opinion. They can also smell through fake compliments.

2. Use a sandwich approach – I learned this one from my daughter. She gives the more difficult assessment sandwiched between positive observations .

3. Set the intention – prior to giving a critique I open my heart and set the intention that it will be heard with the love it was intended. I often ask Jesus to help me speak with love. After all Jesus was all about love.

4. Don’t sugar coat it – provide the information in such a way that it is not sugar coated. Be direct. If we use to many flowery comments or words the true message may be lost and the person may walk away not really understand what you were saying.

5, Don’t pretend to have all the answers – we are all just human. There are as many opinions as there are people. Be willing to discuss the response, if the person wants to talk about it.

6. Use your Heart Chakra – your heart chakra is an energy center in your chest. It is a great way to infuse love into your words. Just visualize all of your words coming through this energy center.

7. Provide a solution – give them another option, example, or an idea of how they could accomplish what they were intending.

Giving kind, honest feedback is a gift. We can not improve unless someone takes the risk to share how they perceived what we said or how we did. It can help us realize blind spots and move forward to be the best version of ourselves. Do you have other strategies that have helped you deliver difficult assessments with love?

What is wellness?

Have you ever stop to think “what is wellness”? Is it having a healthy mind? Is it having a good work life balance? Is it having a fitness program? Is it having a sense of connection? Wellness is all of these things. Wellness is about your mind, body, and spirit. It is greater than the sum of its parts. Lets examine each of these aspects of wellness.
Mind – The mind is an important part of wellness. Think about a time when you were worried about something. Maybe you were meeting someone new who you perceived as having some importance in your life, a new boss, a blind date, your future mother-in-law. Maybe you had a big project looming with a “to do” list a mile long. I am sure you can think of many other times when you were worried about something. This is certainly a part of wellness. Although, you may be physically healthy, the worry and stress is taking a toll of you.
Body – The body seems to be the default part of wellness everyone thinks of first. When you think about your body do you feel good or do you have a shopping list of things you want to improve upon? You may be mentally healthy, able to manage what life throws at you but you are dealing with things on a physical level that leave you feeling drained and criticizing yourself.
Spirit – This is the aspect of wellness that is most often missed. Do you have a sense of connection with something greater than yourself? This could be God, Nature, Artistic Inspiration. What is it that makes you feel whole and fulfilled? What is it that you are apart of? Without a sense of connection, life can feel lonely and pointless.
Lets put them all together – Wellness is greater than the sum of its parts. Although you can have wellness in each of these areas, you can see how having one part left out, can disrupt the balance in the other areas. By moving forward to achieve wellness in one of the three aspects, the other areas improve as well. For example, you decide to train for a marathon. The process of running improves your physical body. Your legs strengthen. Your lung capacity improves. Other things also start to happen. Running can be very meditative and therefore strengthen your sense of connection. If you run nature trails, you may see the beauty of nature and experience a sense of God, therefore improving the spiritual realm of wellness. When you run healthy endorphins are released that reduce stress, improve mood, and decrease anxiety. With this example we can see how making a choice to improve one aspect of wellness made an impact on the others. You can start in any of the three realms and see how it is interconnected. Think about if you start a program to manage your stress, whether it be counseling, reading a self help book, or taking a yoga class. You can think through how the scenario would affect, not only mind, but also body and spirit.
Wellness is a constant work in progress. I do not know anyone who has complete and total wellness. Taking a simple step in one direction can make a big difference for your overall wellness. What is one step towards wellness you feel you could take today? Which aspect of wellness do you feel inspired to initiate improvement?

Celebrate and Live

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Once upon a time I had given my power away and forgotten who I was. I allowed myself to merge into the man I was married to as if we really were one in the same. Perhaps that sounds like a good thing for a marriage but in my case it was not. I forgot who I was. What was important to me faded away like so much smoke. I was married for 12 years; from the outside looking in we probably looked like a family who was functioning just fine. In reality we were not. I had lost myself.

Around the time of the divorce there was a song that was popular, Dynamite by Taio Cruise, which helped me reclaim my life. I would drive around with he windows down and singing along with the chorus at the top of my lungs, “I want to celebrate and live my life”! I found such joy in the process of discovering who I was. Reclaiming my power made me giddy with happiness. I feel that over the next year I came alive again. I was transformed by the process of respecting and honoring my hopes and dreams. I found ecstasy in discovering new interests and thinking for myself. It was the start of a whole new me. If the me I was when I entered that marriage were to meet the me I am now, I would not recognize myself.

By honoring who I was and how I felt happy living my life, I was able to shift so much. Even though I did not enter that marriage thinking it would end, I can see how it’s ending was such a positive thing for me. It allowed me to wake up to myself. I am married again now and my new husband gets the benefit of a wife who knows what she wants and who she is. I am able to be present in the relationship. I can respect our difference and hold the space for each of us to be individuals. We share many interests, because we both had a good understanding of who we were before we came together.

Are there ways you are giving your power away?
How can you embrace your life?
What do you want to celebrate?
How do you want to live?

If your friend had great stuff happening you would not hesitate to help your friend celebrate. Look at your life and find the reasons to celebrate. We all have them. Some may be really big deals. Some may be tiny accomplishments. Whatever the good is that is there for you, celebrate it. The more you celebrate the more your life will give you to celebrate.

Happy life my friends,
Stacy, Adventure Sister