What Do You Regret?

I like to listen to music while I work. It helps me concentrate. Your Side of the Bed by Little Big Town was playing. In that song they ask “Are you sleeping with your own regrets?” It got me thinking about regrets. I have always tried to live a regret free existence. I have always felt that we do the best we can in the time and place we are in. Even with this philosophy, there have been a couple things in my life that I have struggled with. Sharing these regrets makes me very nervous. They are things I do not talk about. What is interesting to me as I reflect on this is that I don’t mind sharing with strangers but I am very nervous to have people who know me aware of them. I guess I fear being judged.
One of those things was related to my first husband’s daughter. She ended up in foster care. I, for a long time, regretted that I didn’t try and get custody of her. At that time in my life, I had two children that I was raising as a single mother. I felt I was not in a place to be able to take on another child. After this girl became an adult, I was able to make contact with her. I told her I was sorry that I did not fight to get custody of her. She was very gracious and said that she was just fine and that she has gone on to get a degree in social services. Perhaps her childhood was related to her calling in life. Perhaps that is why the Universe conspired for me to feel I could not take on raising her. Maybe her upbringing turned out to be better for her than anything I could have provided her with.
Do you believe in soul contracts? The idea that we come into this life with set experiences we are meant to have. When I first heard about the idea, I was not so sure about it. Now I find it is a good fit for my belief system. It makes sense to me. If I had saved her from foster care would I have cheated her out of one of her soul contracts? Or would I have cheated myself out of the experience of regret and trying to make amends? Do soul contracts mean we do not try to help others? I do not think so. Helping others could likely be one of our soul contracts. Do you think regret serves a purpose? Does the avoidance of regret help us make better choices?
Another time in my life, I regretted, was when I was a teenager. I was depressed and was going to commit suicide. One of my friends realized what I intended to do. She told the counselor who drove out to my house. The close call made me re-evaluate the importance of life and I have never been suicidal since. My friend saved my life and I am eternally grateful for the action she took. My regret is in the action I took after the counselor was alerted. I lied. I told the counselor, my mother, everyone, that my friend was wrong. It made her look foolish. We were never friends again after that day. I lost my best friend as a result of that lie. I have since contacted her and expressed my gratitude, as well as, apologized for lying. She forgave me.
I recently wrote a blog called Beneficial Forgiveness. Dealing with these regrets is a perfect place to practice forgiving yourself. Remind yourself that you did do the best you could, in the time and place you were in then.
How have regrets shaped your life? Do you have regrets? Are there some you can’t seem to move past? How can you work on forgiving yourself for these things?

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Do You See Me?

I am listening to an interesting audiobook. Because Emy and I are in the process of getting our own books published, we have been reading other peoples’ teaching memoirs, as a way to compare and contrast to our own. Right now I am listening to The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer. Amanda was, for about 5 years, a street performer. You know, one of those statues you see in touristy sections of large towns,when you throw some money in their hat they start to move and do something (hopefully) entertaining. She talks about our desire (as humans)for connection. She talks about our desire to be seen. These are things we all want, even if each in our own way.
How do you seek out human connection? Is it through close relationships with friends and family? Is is through a blog? Emy and I fostered a deep human connection with one another through our trips to the BWCA. Now we hope to expand that connection by publishing the books we have written about those experiences. My marriage is another form of connection. We witness each others lives. We are there for the tears, laughter, missteps, and all the in-betweens. Most of us have connections with friends and family but it seems that is not enough. We have a drive and a desire to continue to find connections with others. It seems to me we all want to connect, even in the smallest ways with strangers.
Is the drive to find connection with others, a deep seated survival instinct? If we notice that we are the same maybe we won’t want to harm the other? If we notice that we are the same, maybe if we need help, the other will come help us? Another possibility is that of soul connections. Maybe on an energetic level we recognize each other from another time and space. Namaste means the Divine in me recognizes the Divine in you. Perhaps that is the connection we are all looking for. Namaste! What ever the reason, we have small brief connections with others all the time. On the rental car shuttle someone will sneeze and invariably someone else, often all the way across the bus, will say, “bless you”. When I am settled into my seat on the airplane and someone sits in the center seat next to me, they feel compelled to say hello or apologize while they are getting settled into their space for the flight. Holding doors and elevators are other ways we have minuscule relationships with our fellow humans. These are all brief forms of connection with strangers. When that stranger smiles at us, looks us in the eye, and says; “Thank you”. We feel fulfilled in that moment.
I can not tell you why we feel this drive to connect with others. I only know, I witness it in small ways, every day. In small insignificant interactions, human connection between strangers takes place like a spiderweb. The way the morning dew glistens on the soft fibers of the sider’s web, the spark of recognition, glistens in the eyes of our human brothers and sisters during these momentary threads of connection.
Namaste my friends! I do see you. I do see the Divine within you. Thank you for reading my blog today. Thank you for connecting with me in this brief moment in time.
What are your thoughts? How do you look for connection with others? What little interactions with strangers makes you feel the best?

5 Hints to Find Peace in a Noisy World

I am in the airport waiting for my next flight. There is music playing over the speaker system, airpot announcements, a man talking on his cell phone, a TV playing the news, a women watching something on her iPad, people chatting, someones cell phone ringing, and the electric cart zipping around making its beeping noise to warn unobservant travelers. Have you ever noticed how much noise seems to be around us all the time? At night I like to sleep with a fan because it’s noise downs out some of the other noise. So how can we find peace in a world that is always buzzing and beeping?
1. Recognize that peace lives inside of us. This may be easier said than done. If you choose to focus inward, the busy world can fad into the background.
2. Use ear buds to listen to something of your choosing or white noise to block out other distractions. I like to match music to my mood: Yoga music for meditation, Running playlist to get things done and “how I feel” playlist music when I am more emotional. If you have your playlists set, you are always ready to tune out the outside.
3. Understand that even in a quiet forest there is noise. It is just noise we find more acceptable. When we think we can make the noise stop, we feel frustrated when we can’t. By understanding that noise just is, and we have no control over it, we fight against it less. After all, “What we resist persists” ~ Carl Jung.
4. Use Mantra. Repeating a mantra silently in your head can help you go within and stop noticing all the exterior noises. In Kundalini Yoga we use Sat Nam, which means I am truth. You can use any mantra that works for you. Even the name of Jesus or a favorite saint or goddess can be used.
5. Exercise! Working up a sweat will help you find that inner peace and sweat out your demons. Whether you are a runner, walker, biker, or dancer you can use moving your body, as a way to feel better and find inner peace.
I hope you have good luck finding your inner peace today. Happy Monday and Peace to you!
What do you do to find quiet in a noisy world? What suggestions do you have for others who are distracted by the noisy world around them?

Thank you for reading my blog today! I wish you a day of peace and as productive as you would like it to be.

Beneficial Forgiveness

Who are you unable to forgive and why? What things do you consider to be unforgivable? What mistakes have you made in life that you are still holding tight to because the pain is too much to think about? Being able to forgive others and even more so, to forgive yourself, can be life changing.

Most people do not set out in life to be a pain the the you know what. As humans, I believe we do the best we can, in the time and space we are in. But because of what we are holding on to, sometime the decisions we make will cause pain for ourselves and or others. I think if we realize that people do the best they can in the time and space they are in, it’ll help you leg go of the anger, regret and disappointment in order to find it in your heart to offer forgiveness.

I was in a toxic marriage once. There was verbal and emotional things happening that have had a lasting impact. I stayed in the marriage because I really believed that my children needed a home with a father and a mother. I also did not believe I could be successful in providing my children with a home and the other things they needed without two incomes. I was wrong about both of these things. I stayed because I didn’t know I was wrong. I stayed because I didn’t understand the lasting impact that this environment was having on my children. I stayed because I did not have enough self worth to believe I could leave. Eventually, I found my self worth and did leave the marriage. I am only now starting to fully understand how my children were hurt and affected by this.

So who do I need to forgive as a result of this story. I need to forgive myself for staying way to long. I need to forgive my ex-husband for the way he treated me and the children. I need to forgive my daughter who still holds so much anger at me for staying too long and for not protecting her more. I need to forgive my catholic up bringing that made me think I couldn’t leave. I need to forgive myself for feeling like a failure, because I couldn’t fix it.

I will tell you I have worked through this and have been able to forgive. Much of this processing and healing took place in the BWCA, with Emy’s support and love. I was able to touch those very painful emotions that were pushed down deep inside. I was able to feel them and understand them and eventually let them go. I was able to understand that my ex-husband was doing the best he could in the time and space he was in. He had learned how to be a family from his own family. Perhaps what had been modeled for him, when he was a child, was also not healthy. I came to understand that he had his own inner demons and probably did not like himself very much. He did not know how to deal with or heal these things. So it came out in these ways that harmed our family. Once I had some understanding of why he acted the way he did, I was able to forgive him. This forgiveness was a gift to him but more importantly it was a gift to myself. Forgiving him freed me from wallowing in the hate and self loathing. Forgiving him allowed me to get to the place where I could forgive myself. Forgiving him allowed me to let go of that “failed” marriage and give it blessings for the experiences I had and the things I learned as a result of it. Forgiving him gave me a new found freedom and a new found peace. Forgiving him was far more beneficial to me than it will ever be to him. Forgiving my daughter is easy. I pray the someday she will forgive me. Not because I feel I need forgiveness but because it will free her and allow her to heal. Forgiving my catholic up bringing was easier once I realized that it was a result of good intentions on my parents part. They were doing what they thought was right. They were doing the best they could to raise their children. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”. I think when we can see the good intentions behind the things that hurt us, it is easier to find forgiveness.

The hardest forgiveness that took place from the story I shared above was forgiving myself. We hold ourselves to a higher standard. We do not allow for our own mistakes. We take these perceived “failures” and hold on to them. We often feel they are unforgivable. None of us are perfect. Once I was able to realize that I too did the best I could in the time and place I was in, I began to see that I was able to forgive myself. I forgave myself for staying too long, for “failing” at marriage, for the mistakes I made in the midst of the marriage that made situations worse. The freedom of no longer holding on to these things allowed for a sense of freedom. The chains had been released. I was able to move on. I was able to work on myself and become a healthier version of me. I was able to find a relationship that is happy and healthy.

What in your life are you not able to forgive? Yourself? Others? Situations? Is there a way that you can see these situations from another perspective and find forgiveness? It will change your life. Forgive others, not for their benefit but for your own benefit. Free yourself from having to hold on to that disappointment any longer.

Do you have a story to share about how forgiveness improved your life? Do you have things you are currently working on forgiving yourself for? Do you have things you have learned along the way you would like to share with others?

Thank you for reading my blogs today. Feel free to share it with others you feel it may help. May your life be filled with healthy forgiveness. Blessings, Stacy

When the Last Interaction Is Not Positive

One of my friends died today. Our last conversation keeps repeating in my head. It was not a happy conversation. Would I have delivered the same message if I knew his days were numbered? Would I have done it in the same way?
I do not believe that I am an unkind person. I am, however, direct and even blunt. I will deliver the messages that others shy away from. This was the way this conversation went. I was trying to help my friend understand how others perceived him. I feel none of us truly knows how we are being perceived unless someone is brave enough to tell us. This was my intention in my last interaction with this friend. I wanted to give the gift of honesty. I wanted to help him grow and be a better version of himself. It did not go well. I had thought he had received my words with openness and was taking some time to process. When I learned of his death, I also learned that he had un-friended me on Facebook. Apparently I had hurt him. This was never my intention. Many people have un-friended and re-friended me over the years. I don’t let it bother me, most of the time. I do, however, feel bad that this interaction had caused enough pain that he no longer wanted me to show up in his news feed.
Sure, they say, “truth hurts”. That doesn’t help me feel any better about it. I wanted to help him become a better version of himself. Instead, I now have the opportunity to become a better version of myself. If I had known his days were numbered would I still have delivered the message in the same way? Would I have felt the message was important to share? What is the cost of personal growth? Both his and mine. Did it really matter? I am left to wrestle with these questions as I come to terms that my friend has transitioned into another way of being. What would he tell me now that he has access to the wisdom on the other side?

Regret is… an unavoidable result of any loss,
for in loss we lose the tomorrow that we needed
to make right our yesterday or today
~ Gerald Lawson Sitter

How would I feel if someone was brave enough to share with me how I was being perceived? People have from time to time, and I welcomed the information. Sometime it throws you off for a minute as you have to integrate the message that they shared. What have I learned? To be as kind as possible always. Yes. To not share the truth? No. I will still share insights with others. I still want others to share insights with me.
To my friend – “Peace, Love, and a smooth transition to the other side. Please forgive me for causing you pain. It was not my intention to hurt you. Thank you for being my friend in this lifetime. Safe journeys”.

What are your thoughts? Was I wrong? Have you had similar experiences?

Than you for reading my blog today. May your friendships be open and help you grow.

Allowing Dreams to Come True

Too often in life we talk about what we want, but we are afraid to believe that we could really have it or are even worthy of it. We want to believe but we may feel we are just making a wish list of things/experience we want. In our heart of hearts we do not believe it will really happen or that it could even possibly really happen. Over the years I have made vision boards, done gratitude journals, employed techniques to keep my vibration high, and written manifestation lists for; New Years, New Moons, and other various events. I have used mantras such as “Money comes frequently and easily” and “I have endless energy and plenty of time”. In the beginning, it never seems true or possible.

I recently commented to my husband that I would really like to start participating in 5Ks again. I used to live in Florida and participated in many such events. When I moved to Minnesota, I had plans to continue, but I never really got into the groove of it there. Part of my problem was after years of running in Florida, where the running season starts in the fall, in Minnesota it was growing cooler or even cold and the running season was ending. This conflicted with my usual excitement/energy to start the season. Maybe this was just a cop out for not doing it. Whatever the reason, I have never done more than a few events since moving to Minnesota.

I think that manifesting at times is a bit like scales. On one side is the manifestation list. On the other side you have what you see as reality. As you start to see things on the manifestation side of the scale come into being, that side of the scale starts to drop and gets heavier and heavier. This is where the magic happens. All of a sudden you start to think, “Wow, this stuff really works!” Which brings more into being. Lets go back to the 5K story. When I told my husband I wished I could do more 5Ks, and told him my excuses/reasons why I just can’t seem to do it in Minnesota, he calmly said why don’t you go to Florida and do them with your friends. My job allows me the ability to travel and do this if I want, so this wasn’t really outside the realm of possibility for me.

The magic started to happen when my friend, Donna, called and asked if I would come to Florida in February to do a 5K with her. Wow, crazy right! Then an amazing opportunity showed up for Marty and I to buy a boat as a vacation home in Florida. This would mean we would be in the state more often, making the reality of participating in weekend 5K events more likely!
We completed a 5K yesterday, Marty’s first. It was as fun and exhilarating as I remember. At supper with friends last night we started making plans for future 5Ks.

Don’t give up on the dreams, my friends! You will see how those scales will start to tip until more and more of your dreams are coming true. As you see them appear in your life, you will believe even more strongly. Keep believing in the possibilities. Before long they will be a part of your life.

Do you have magical manifestation stories you would like to share? We would love to hear them!