In Their Shoes

I recent listened to a group of family members discussing what it is like to work in customer service. As a nurse I also have been in jobs where pleasing people is a part of the role. I have seen people be extremely rude and even verbally abusive to people working in stores, all in an attempt to get their way. I am ashamed to admit, when I was younger, I also had occasion where I lost my patience with people just trying to do their jobs. What can we do and how can we think to help us have empathy for those who cross our paths in the course of a day?

Think about how different the world would be if we all followed the Golden Rule. Treating others the way we would like to be treated could help transform some of these frustrating interactions to be better. The Golden Rule is in some version in almost all major world religions. If we could see ourselves in that person, we would act the way we would want others to treat us, if we were working that job.

Nisargadatta Maharai said, “ The consciousness in you and the consciousness in me, apparently two, really one, seek unity and that is love”. We are better able to give love and acceptance, when we see that we are that other person. Can you put yourself in their shoes? Can you feel empathy for what it must be like to be in that place and having to deal with that situation?

Today I challenge you as you walk through your day to imagine yourself in the shoes of those you cross paths with. I would be curious to hear how this changed your perspective on the world around you. Did this make any impact on how you dealt with people or situations? No matter which side of the counter you are on, there is room to try and see the other person’s persecutive. Eckhart Tolle said, “If you are not in the state of either acceptance, enjoyment, or enthusiasm, look closely and you will find that you are creating suffering for yourself and others”. Try seeing yourself as the other person in a way to gain acceptance.

Thank you for reading my blog today! May your day be filled with love and acceptance.

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Escaping from Reality

Have you ever wanted to be free from reality? Escape from it? I think we all have from time to time. Recently I heard the song Lost Boy by Ruth B. She talks about playing in the woods and being free. It brought to mind Emy and my trips to the Boundary Waters. The Boundary Water Canoe Area (BWCA) is a magical place. It does allow for an escape from reality, while hanging out and playing in the forest.
If you are not familiar with the BWCA it is unspoiled wilderness. Located in Northern Minnesota and Southern Ontario, it is forest and waterways. You canoe in and when you get to land, you pick up what you brought and portage (aka carry) it to the next body of water. The campsites are isolated and you see very few people up there. You will hear the wolves howling, see the occasional moose, and need to protect your food from the bears. It is a wonderful place to escape from reality. Cell service is spotty at best and absent all together in most of the BWCA.
It was in the BWCA that the Adventure Sisters were born. Emy and I went on our own into the untamed wilderness. Two ordinary woman out to have an adventure. The term “adulting” has become popular lately. The idea that we have to make responsible decisions even when they may not be fun decisions. Our yearly trip to the BWCA gives a nice break from the day to day responsibilities of adulting. There we have to survive. The only things you have are what you brought with you. So your decisions are based on survival.
There is a lot of work to taking a trip in the BWCA but it is a therapeutic type of work. Wondering in the forest looking for sticks, twigs, and branches, for a fire hardly feels like work. Paddling across a lake scouting for a campsite, seems almost more like play. Pitching the tent and setting up camp feels like adventure. There is also a lot of time for sitting around the fire, floating in the lake, and laying in the sun.
It is quiet out there amongst the trees, lakes, and wildlife. The chatter of a red squirrel and rustling of the breeze in the leaves allow an escape from reality. It allows you to go within, connect with yourself, and remember who you are. There is a peace and a flow to that place. It is a magical place. I find, since that first trip several years ago, I carry it with me in my heart. My own Neverland. My own way to be free.
Do you have a special place you go to when you need peace? Is it a real physical place or Imagined? What is it about this place the gives you that peaceful escape from reality?

7 Techniques to Keep Spiritual Ego in Check

Have you ever run across a spiritual teacher who believes they have all the answers. They may even bad mouth other spiritual teachers? Perhaps they do things or treat people in ways you do not agree with? This is what I call spiritual ego. It is when a person believes they have all the answers and use that to justify their actions. It may even cause a falling out between people.

Spiritual ego is certainly not something that just happens to spiritual teachers. Any of us can fall prey to our own spiritual ego. How can you avoid this?

1. Know you do not have all the answers. There is a lot of mystery in spirituality. Accept that the mystery is a part of it.

2. Be willing to listen to others view points. We all want to share the things in our own spirituality that give us peace, comfort, or joy. Others do to. By listening we may hear or learn something that deepens our own spirituality.

3. Accept others where they are at. Everyone is at their own place on their spiritual journey. They are at the exact place they are meant to be in this time and place. Just because their journey is different than yours does not make it wrong.

4. Don’t judge. There are many types of spirituality out there. They range from giant organized religions to highly personalized, individual relationships with a greater power. If you study major religions you will see there are more similarities than differences. Recognizing that we are all the same, in the most basic ways, is a huge step to laying your judgments aside.

5. The golden rule. “Do unto others as you would have other do unto you”. This has always resonated with me. Did you know most of the world religions have a version of this.

6. Allow for expansion. When we allow ourselves to expand it is easy to be more inclusive. We allow change within ourselves and open to the possibility of becoming a bigger better version of ourselves.

7. See yourself in the other. When we allow ourselves to see aspects of us in the other person, it creates empathy and understanding.

Spirituality is a beautiful thing and can be very comforting. Believing we have all the answers can be dangerous and can lead to spiritual ego. I know atheists who are more kind, giving, loving, and altruistic than some religious people I know. Be open to others individuality and personal journeys. This will help you to keep your own spiritual ego in check.

Maintaining effective communication during the holidays

Today’s blog is written by Emy Minzel, Adventure Sister.

The stress of the holidays has a way of bringing us closer or tearing us apart. I hear stories that make me laugh, cry, and groan, sometimes all at the same time. I would like to focus on how we convey or communicate love in our closest family relationships. I am guilty of getting defensive when I hear something I may not agree with from people I love. Yet through my years I’ve learned it’s not the best way to communicate effectively.

We know that when our parents, family, and friends are meddling in our lives it’s usually because they love you and see things from a different perspective. They may have advice we don’t want to hear, but it is important for us to listen with love. They speak up because they had been there and done that, and don’t want to do it again. They warn us or tell us ‘how it is’ because they love you, even if it upsets us and pisses us off.

What if we decided to give our dearest family and friends, the benefit of the doubt? Choose to think only the best of them. If we tried to recognize that whatever they do or say, they do it out of love or fear. Then we could also assume that the people we love, do the best they can, in the time and space they’ve been given. I have realized that all our actions, the good, the bad, and the ugly, come from fear or love. At the root, we all want to be loved. As we grow in different ways and different directions, the way we communicate changes as well.

What matters is that we continue to communicate. Even if we are scared, it’s important to tell our loved ones if you are fearful, or hurt, without assuming their actions or words were purposely harmful. Most likely they were not. Keeping lines of communication open, by not overreacting or shutting down is difficult for some, yet it’s imperative for effective communication. When we overreact and blow up, our emotions take over and our ears stop listening, stopping any connection in its tracks. This can affect even our closest most cherished relationships.

What if we met miscommunication and perceived hurt with love? Understanding that loved ones are either fearful of something or trying to show love in a way you may not understand. How would the conversation change if we chose to calm fears, by focusing on love? It may take courage to ask our loved ones to explain until we understand. It takes disciplined focus to speak our truth the best we are able, in the kindest way possible. It’s well worth the work we put in to communicating well, we should talk and know it’s ok to agree to disagree, respectfully.

It can be hard to remember that how we communicate our thoughts and feelings will define our character. How we act/react, handle hard times/good times/holidays, how you make someone feel, the words you choose and how you say them become how you communicate. How you communicate portrays how your closest family and friends will remember you.

My hopes this holiday season are that you too choose love and communication. Remembering that most of your family will act out of fear or love. When we focus on love, we open understanding and healing, this is how we make the world a better place, one family at a time.

~ Emy Minzel, Adventure Sister

Serendipity

Thanksgiving is quickly approaching. This gives us all an opportunity to examine what we are grateful for. A moment of serendipity changed my world and my life for the better. It introduced me to a new place that allowed me to have adventures I may not have had otherwise. It also was the back drop for years of self improvement, helping me to become a better version of myself.

It all started with a Groupon. My friend Emy and I enjoyed going canoeing and kayaking. Although, we had not done much of it, at that time. I saw a package for a 3 day canoe trip. I envisioned Emy and I out on the water, enjoying the wilderness and the sun. I did not comprehend what this canoe trip really was all about. We bought the deal and the adventure began. I could not have envisions how my life would change because of it.

The canoe trip was in a place called the Boundary Water Canoe Area (BWCA). If you love the outdoors, isolation, and camping, then this place is for you. It is untamed wilderness. Lakes and forests provide a beautiful sanctuary for the area wildlife. Motorized vehicles are not allowed in most of the BWCA. Even a cooler with wheels is considered mechanized. The only way in is to canoe. When you need to move from one body of water to the next, you pick up all of your gear and your canoe. You portage (carry) it all to the next body of water. Quite the enterprise. Each lake will have campsites. They are far apart and isolated. A lake may only have 3 campsites on it, or less if it is a small lake. A campsite consists of a cooking grate and a pit toilet. There are no walls around the pit toilet but lots of trees and wilderness to provide for your privacy.

What you have is what you bring with you. Literally what you carry on your back. This untamed wilderness provided us with challenges we had not faced before. We had adventures that have kept us coming back year after year. The BCWA provided us with growth, individually, and as a team. It has provided me with a sense of pride. These trips have reminded me that I am capable of great things. If you put a challenge in front of me, I will do everything in my power to overcome it and succeed.

I am grateful for this moment of serendipity that improved my life and I am grateful for the changes I have made in myself. This first adventure helped me to be a better person and hopefully provide a positive influence to the world around me. It fortified my belief in magic and in myself.

What moments of serendipity do you have to be grateful for. How has a moment or experience changed your life for the better?

Dysfunctional relationship with time?

I have had a dysfunctional relationship that I am in the process of healing. It is with time. I have had this belief that there is never enough time. A friend once told me that time is the most precious commodity because you can not make more. That made a lot of sense to me at the time. I am now changing that belief. So many of us have this same constant battle with time. What new beliefs can we substitute? What could life be like if we flowed easily within the ethereal nature of time.

I have been a workaholic. Something needs to be getting done for me to find it a worthy use of my time. “There is not enough time”. “I am running late”. “Time is running out”. “Time flies”. “Don’t waste time”. How often do we say or hear these mantras and so many more. Living in a fast paced world can feel draining. It may even seem that it is speeding up. Think about the frequency with which we hear someone say how quickly the year/day/season has gone.

Let’s work together to start to shift these beliefs. “There is an abundance of time”. “Divine time will assist me to arrive exactly when I am supposed to”. “I flow freely within the flexible nature of time”. “I can slow time to meet my desires”. “Cherish this present moment”. When you feel tempted to use one of the old ingrained mantras, try substituting one of these and see how your world changes.

Imagine a world where time is flexible and it bends to our thoughts. We live in such a world. Time is not a constant. We have the power to slow time down. Try it the next time you are really enjoying yourself. Consciously say, “I am going to slow down time. I am going to cherish every moment. There is plenty of time”. How would this change your enjoyment of that event? Living in the present or the now, you would not be distracted by worry of everything else on your mental “to do” list. Divine time says that it flows fluidly. There is not lack. There is plenty. If you trust in the Divine timing you will find you arrive perfectly when you should. Time is never wasted. Things are experienced. It adds a whole new appreciation and ease to life.

Let’s heal this relationship. Let’s live consciously in the present knowing there is plenty of time. We flow freely within the ethereal nature of it. We have the power to adjust its flow to meet our desires. We can experience life and enjoy the natural flow.

Have you tried this? What have been your results? Do you have other technics you use?

7 Ideas for Giving Feedback with Love

Are there ways we can open our heart and give honest feedback without hurting peoples feelings? Yesterday was a day for giving people feedback. It can be a scary thing to do honestly. People do not always want to hear that you don’t agree with them or think something can be improved upon.The day started with Toastmasters and letting two people, who are part of a group I just joined, know how they could improve on their speeches. The day progressed into sending feedback on chapters for the book my Adventure Sister, Emy and I have written together. Did I handle these situations in the best way possible? Did I open my heart and share my feedback with love? Here are some ideas on sharing feedback with love.

1. Be honest – don’t say it was great if it wasn’t. People respect your honest opinion. They can also smell through fake compliments.

2. Use a sandwich approach – I learned this one from my daughter. She gives the more difficult assessment sandwiched between positive observations .

3. Set the intention – prior to giving a critique I open my heart and set the intention that it will be heard with the love it was intended. I often ask Jesus to help me speak with love. After all Jesus was all about love.

4. Don’t sugar coat it – provide the information in such a way that it is not sugar coated. Be direct. If we use to many flowery comments or words the true message may be lost and the person may walk away not really understand what you were saying.

5, Don’t pretend to have all the answers – we are all just human. There are as many opinions as there are people. Be willing to discuss the response, if the person wants to talk about it.

6. Use your Heart Chakra – your heart chakra is an energy center in your chest. It is a great way to infuse love into your words. Just visualize all of your words coming through this energy center.

7. Provide a solution – give them another option, example, or an idea of how they could accomplish what they were intending.

Giving kind, honest feedback is a gift. We can not improve unless someone takes the risk to share how they perceived what we said or how we did. It can help us realize blind spots and move forward to be the best version of ourselves. Do you have other strategies that have helped you deliver difficult assessments with love?

What is wellness?

Have you ever stop to think “what is wellness”? Is it having a healthy mind? Is it having a good work life balance? Is it having a fitness program? Is it having a sense of connection? Wellness is all of these things. Wellness is about your mind, body, and spirit. It is greater than the sum of its parts. Lets examine each of these aspects of wellness.
Mind – The mind is an important part of wellness. Think about a time when you were worried about something. Maybe you were meeting someone new who you perceived as having some importance in your life, a new boss, a blind date, your future mother-in-law. Maybe you had a big project looming with a “to do” list a mile long. I am sure you can think of many other times when you were worried about something. This is certainly a part of wellness. Although, you may be physically healthy, the worry and stress is taking a toll of you.
Body – The body seems to be the default part of wellness everyone thinks of first. When you think about your body do you feel good or do you have a shopping list of things you want to improve upon? You may be mentally healthy, able to manage what life throws at you but you are dealing with things on a physical level that leave you feeling drained and criticizing yourself.
Spirit – This is the aspect of wellness that is most often missed. Do you have a sense of connection with something greater than yourself? This could be God, Nature, Artistic Inspiration. What is it that makes you feel whole and fulfilled? What is it that you are apart of? Without a sense of connection, life can feel lonely and pointless.
Lets put them all together – Wellness is greater than the sum of its parts. Although you can have wellness in each of these areas, you can see how having one part left out, can disrupt the balance in the other areas. By moving forward to achieve wellness in one of the three aspects, the other areas improve as well. For example, you decide to train for a marathon. The process of running improves your physical body. Your legs strengthen. Your lung capacity improves. Other things also start to happen. Running can be very meditative and therefore strengthen your sense of connection. If you run nature trails, you may see the beauty of nature and experience a sense of God, therefore improving the spiritual realm of wellness. When you run healthy endorphins are released that reduce stress, improve mood, and decrease anxiety. With this example we can see how making a choice to improve one aspect of wellness made an impact on the others. You can start in any of the three realms and see how it is interconnected. Think about if you start a program to manage your stress, whether it be counseling, reading a self help book, or taking a yoga class. You can think through how the scenario would affect, not only mind, but also body and spirit.
Wellness is a constant work in progress. I do not know anyone who has complete and total wellness. Taking a simple step in one direction can make a big difference for your overall wellness. What is one step towards wellness you feel you could take today? Which aspect of wellness do you feel inspired to initiate improvement?

9 ways to improve meditation

I can remember when I first started to learn about meditation, I really just didn’t get it. I became frustrated and was apprehensive to do it. I dove into learning about meditation, sought out teachers, and pursued learning more about it. Some people meditate for the health benefits, some for a connection with God, others to clear their mind, center, and find peace. Whatever the reason meditation has been proven to be a powerful tool in wellness. Here are some ideas to help you improve your meditations.

1. Mantra – mantra is a repeating of words or sounds. Often it is in Sanskrit but can be in any language. It can be silently repeated in the mind or out loud. I recently listened to a meditation lead by Deepak Chopra and he used the Mantra, “So Hum”. It is Sanskrit for “I am That”. In Kundalini Yoga we often use “Sat Nam”, which means “I am Truth”. “Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful” is another mantra used in Kundalini Yoga. You can choose a word that is something you want more of in your life or a favorite Saints name. For Catholics, saying the Rosary can be a form of mantra meditation.

2. Breath – focusing on your breath is a technique many teachers and people use for meditation. Let your focus rest on the rise and fall of your stomach. Feel the breath pass through your nostrils. Any time you start to notice thoughts, bring your focus back to your breath.

3. Guided meditation – there are many guided meditations on YouTube. These can be helpful especially when you are new to meditation. More experienced meditators may find this distracting. I have also seen apps for meditation; they provide a reminder and a short meditation.

4. Visual aides – meditation is about remaining present. Gazing at a candle flame or tracing a pattern in a piece of cloth with your eyes can be helpful in remaining in the now.

5. Music – soft peaceful music can be helpful in preventing the mind from wandering to background noise. I heard a wise Buddhist teacher say once that when we meditate in the forest we do not become upset when the birds chirps because we do not think we can control the bird. Background noise can be distracting during meditation so adding some music can help distance it.

6. Coloring or mandalas – adult coloring books have recently become very popular. This is a great meditation technique. Take a deep breath and just be present while coloring in the small spaces. A mandala is a circle you fill in with color, pictures or designs. They can represent your subconscious or reflect your inner self.

7. Essential oils – Frankincense and Sandalwood are two of my favorites. Other nice options are Lavender and Chamomile because of their calming nature. Many of the essential oil manufacturers also make blends that are helpful attaining a meditative state.

8. Crystals – stones and crystals all have their own vibrational qualities (think back to your science classes about atoms). Having certain stones or crystals near can help you in your meditation. Some of my favorites are fluorite, amethyst, aquamarine, and quartz (either clear or smokey).

9. Have a cup of tea – have a cup of tea with an herb to aid in relaxation prior to meditation. After you finish your tea make sure you empty your bladder. You do not want to get in a nice Zen state only to have your bladder distracting you. Some nice relaxing herbs that can be found in teas are Kava Kava, Chamomile, and Valerian.

Meditation can be such a big step towards wellness. It is certainly one worth taking. These are some things that have been helpful for me on my meditation journey. Do you have other suggestions for new meditators? I would be interested in hearing your ideas or how any of these things work for you.

Energetic Residue

Yesterday’s adventure was an amble through a historic park. When I am in Philadelphia for work I love to go to Valley Forge National Historic Park. It is a large beautifully wooded park, rich with history. During the revolutionary war George Washington and his troops camped there from 1777-1778. According to Wikipedia over 2500 soldiers died in the encampment from starvation/malnutrition, disease, and exposure. It seems like such a contrast that someplace so beautiful could have such tragedy linked to it. Can we feel the energy of those lost lives? What about other historic places; do they carry residue of past acts?
I have always loved going to Valley Forge. The woods and gently rolling hills make for a beautiful back drop for a walk or a run. Even sitting at one of the multiple picnic tables and eating supper has brought me peace at the end of a busy day. Last night I went into the park from a different direction. Because of this I found myself in a different part of the park that I had not wandered before. I happened upon Washington Memorial Chapel. This Chapel was started in 1903 to commemorate the Continental Army and George Washington. The trees leaves were reflective of a camp fire with their autumn colors. I saw few visitors while I wandered the grounds. There is a large Cemetery behind the Chapel. Some of the graves are older but many recently departed rest there as well. As I was wondering amongst the tombstones, I spooked 3 bucks. Quite honestly when they spooked, so did I. I didn’t realize they were there until they bolted. Their sudden movement was in such opposition to the tranquil setting.
There seemed to be more of a feeling of sorrow in this part of the park. So different from what I had felt in the park before. Recently my husband and I traveled to Amsterdam. While we were there we visited the house where Anne Frank and her family hid during WWII. The sorrow in that place was crushing. I do not know if that sorrowful energy is from the people who hid there or from the multiple visitors that flock there daily. I was also blessed to be able to visit Stonehenge on the same trip. This historic site is located inside of a massive ancient graveyard. It is surrounded by burial mounds for some distance on all sides. The energy here is very soft and has no feeling of sorrow. Why is that? Is it because it is so old and all the old attachment has faded away. Is it because visitors come with an attitude of curiosity and awe? Or perhaps our ancestors saw death differently than we do.
The energy of a place can have such an impact on our experience while we are there. If we are not aware of our sensitivities to left over energy we could potentially take on those emotions as if they were ours. What are your thoughts about energy signatures? Have you felt this in the past?