Financial Wellness: An Interesting Side Effect We Discovered

My husband and I recently decided to work on our financial wellness. You may be thinking that finances have nothing to do with your overall wellness, but I strongly disagree. Our finances have a profound affect on us. They allow us to pay for important healthcare; such as acupuncture, massage, or even a visit to the doctor.  Having adequate resources allows us to buy healthy and nutritious food. Money even supports some self care activities such as going on a retreat, vacations, or yoga classes. Even without all the things that having some coin in our pockets can do for us, there is the stress that not having enough cash causes. When the bills seem to out number your income or creditors all calling, the stress level can get out of control fast. High stress levels are not good for us. They can cause anxiety, depression, high blood pressure and other illnesses including unhealthy weight problems. Gaining control of your funds is an important step to your overall wellness.

As my husband and I set out on our journey to financial wellness, we first had to get on the same page. We are grateful for the book, Total Money Makeover; by Dave Ramsey. Dave doesn’t believe in manifestation or the Law of Attraction. Interestingly, I feel it was my focus on manifesting financial abundance, that caused the Universe to bring Dave and his books to my attention. I am happy to agree to disagree with Dave on this point. Total Money Makeover inspired Marty and I to get serious about our finances and we started working on the steps Dave laid out in his book.

All of this was a new to me. I have done spreadsheets for bills and payments due but never made a plan for how to spend the rest of the money. It just never seemed like there was enough of it to worry about. However, not worrying about how to spend the rest caused overspending. This just made matters worse and financial stress higher. We downloaded the app, that has been developed to support Dave’s principles. It is called Every Dollar. Dave wants you to give every dollar coming into your household a home so you know where every dollar is spent. When we initially logged our October spending, we were shocked to see some of the ways that money was escaping from our pockets. There were a lot of little things we were spending money on that, quite frankly, were a waste. Money was dribbling away from us in little insidious ways. It was not big purchases that were doing damage to our bottom line. It was the few dollar here and a couple of bucks there.

Next, we developed a November budget and set forth to follow it as close as possible. It was the first time either of us had ever really budgeted that tightly. There were things that came up that we had to adjust another spot in the budget to expense them from. Everything needed to add up to zero at the end. There were a couple places where we placed too much money and a couple others where we did not plan enough.  In the end, we made it through our first month of budgeting. When we talked about how we felt during this first month of budgeting, we both agreed that we felt more in control of our finances and less stressed. The interesting side effect was, when we got to the end of the month and the next payday, we had some money leftover. It seems crazy but true. Somehow being on a budget, giving everything a home and watching where things were going; not only gave us the feeling of having more money but actually more money.

I am very grateful that my husband is the type of man who is willing to walk this process with me. It is truly a team effort. If you decide to start on a road of finance wellness, I wish you every success. That are many money gurus out there. Maybe Dave is right for you or maybe it is someone else whose process just seems to make sense and be the right tool you need to feel financial well.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I love you! I wish you a lifetime of finding the right financial tools for your personnel wellness, as if by magic. Just as mine came to me.

*Photo taken in Rome, Italy

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Get a Massage! It’s Good for You – No Need to Feel Guilty

So, I need a massage! I really do. I can feel it in every cell in my being. Maybe you are thinking, “Stacy, a massage is a nice way to pamper yourself but saying you need it is a bit much, don’t you know.” But need is what I mean to say. Massages are part of my healthcare. I focus on holistic modalities whenever possible and massages are an important part of that tool chest. They have many health benefits, of course there are the usual benefits that everyone thinks of:

  1. It feels great!
  2. It is so Relaxing.
  3. Massage can relieve pain and tension. 
  4. It is a great way to practice good self-care and remind yourself that you are worthy.

But, did you know, there have been lots of studies that show there are many more health benefits then you might realize?

  1. As a hospice nurse, I have seen the benefits first hand, that massage has at end of life. It helps relieve the symptoms that patients face as a result of their illnesses, medications, and the process of dying.
  2. Massage has been found to be beneficial for certain diagnoses. The Mayo Clinic says that research shows massage as proven to help with conditions such as fibromyalgia and digestive problems. WebMD also reports that studies have shown its benefits against back pain, headaches, and even depression. 
  3. It increases circulation. This just makes sense that the process of massaging the body would help move the blood through the vessels and keep it flowing smoothly.  
  4. Massage boosts your immune system according to a study in the Journal of Alternative and Complimentary Medicine. This is the precise reason why getting a massage during cold and flu season is even more important.
  5. Massages are great at decreasing tension both emotional and physical. So often emotional tension shows up physically in the body. For me it settles into my upper back, shoulders, and neck. The massage therapists who work with me, typically spend the majority of their time focusing on these locations. In a 90 minute full body massage, the rest of my body may only get a quick 15 minutes.
  6. Massages have been shown to promote calm and decrease clinical anxiety. According to the American Massage Therapy Association; decreased anxiety is one of the benefits of massage. Every massage therapist works a little differently. Some have a space with dim lighting and relaxing music but I have also had massages in the practitioners living room. For me, when you can get a massage outside, that is the best! I have had them on beaches and in forests. No matter what the location, massage has a way of letting my mind relax and the worries of tomorrow drop away. 
  7. They also, lowers Blood Pressure. According to Body and Mind Massage in Chelmsford, MA, it not only lowers blood pressure but also decreases cortisol,  the stress hormone. Reduction in cortisol can prevent weight gain. I do not know how often you would need to get massage to loose weight but it could be added to your health plan, along with other modalities, to help you on your journey.

Massages are not for everyone, but if you have never experienced one or if it has been a long time since you did, I highly encourage you to go get a massage. Go ahead, you deserve it and it is good for you!

Thank you for reading my blog today. I love you. May your world be full of healthy habits that help you feel great, as if by magic.

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A Story of Remembering

I want to tell you a story. This might be a story of old or it might be the story of now. It is likely a story that has occurred countless times throughout history. It is a story of trust and a story of renewal, but most of all, it a story of remembering.

There was a young woman. She was a mother or she wasn’t. She had responsibilities as we all do. One day, as she was walking through the forest of life, she saw a path. This path was not into the light but rather was a path into the darkness. This path went deep into the forest and it looked very dangerous. It was jagged and had many curves. It would have been impossible to learn were the path would take her by simply looking. The darkness of this path called to her. It called to her and it pulled at her, although she knew pain and betrayal waited for her along this path, she felt oddly intrigued by it.

Now I have to tell you, this young woman had always been responsible. She had always done what had been asked of her, what was expected of her, and even more. Everyone in her tribe felt she was the perfect young woman. Every mother wanted to call her daughter. The older men all wanted to call her daughter and the younger men chased her to be their bride. She cared for the young and learned from the elderly. She was the definition of smart and responsible.

Despite her history, as such a stand up member of the community, the young woman felt she must walk this path. She had to voyage into the darkness, even though it meant walking away from her responsibilities. She had to risk being hurt and had to hurt those who had placed so much trust and pride in her. She stepped onto the path, dropping the baskets that she had brought into the forest, leaving them where they lay.

The path was arduous. She stumbled and fell many times. She met scary creatures who pretended to be her friends or help her, but in the end, they we leading her farther into the darkness. They hurt her, physically, emotionally, and separated her from the light. Sometimes she tried to find her way back but they kept pulling her deeper into the darkness. They kept pulling her further from who she had been. They caused her to feel like a completely different person. It did not take long before she forgot who she was. She forgot she was from the light and she believed she was a creature of the darkness.

This went on for many years. The village mourned her. They felt that she was lost to them forever. They feared she would never find her way back to the light. But one day, she stumbled into the village. She was wild and untamed. She was a mere shadow of the bright young woman who she had once been. The darkness hung all around her and her “friends” from there, watched from the shadows. They called to her and pulled at her.

There was something about the village that felt like home to her, although she could not really recall. The community did not trust her, they avoided her. They would not let her care for the young or spend time with the elderly. They did not want to claim her as they once did. When they tried to give her responsibilities she would wander off or never fulfill them. Even though she was back, they felt she was still lost. They still did not recognize her as the brave and ambitious woman she had once been.

One day the village wise woman (the witch) was working quietly on something. She had been watching all of this. She saw how the darkness pulled at the woman, but she also saw how the woman tried to resist the darkness. She knew something deep within the young woman wanted to live fully in the light again, but there was so much baggage from the darkness, she couldn’t seem to step away from it. It had become a part of her identity.

The witch touched her finger to the young woman’s brow. The place in front of where the third eye resides. “Remember” said the wise old woman, “remember who you are”. The young woman blinked at her elder. The darkness seemed to fall away. Her “friends” let go of their holds on her and slunk back onto the treacherous path. Light beamed all around the young woman and she suddenly did remember who she was.

From that day on she worked to gain the trust of her community. She became who she had been only better. She was wiser now. Having known the darkness and living among the darkness helped her better see how she belonged in the light. It helped her embrace and enjoy her responsibilities. She become one others looked to for wisdom, for she had lived what they could never imagine and returned to the light.

Time would pass and worlds would change. The young woman would become the witch in the future. The wise woman would become the young woman again. This story would continue to unfold throughout history over and over again. Is this your story? It is my story. It is many peoples’ story. Forgive yourself for the time in the darkness. It was a part of your journey. It is done or nearly done now. You are wiser for it. Remember who you are! Remember that you are of the light!

Thank you for ready no my blog today! May you remember your true nature, as if by magic!

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Stepping into Your Power; 3 Techniques To Help You No Longer Feel Trapped or Powerless.

I’ve been listening to Mike Dooley’s auto book Infinite Possibilities. It is a great book discussing your ability to create the world around you. It dives into the how and why thoughts become things. There is a part of the book where he talks about depression. He references that a description of depression, that resonates with him, comes from one of the Seth books, by Jane Roberts. In this book Seth describes depression as feeling powerless. He goes on to expand on this description as feeling as if you are trapped by your life. Have you ever felt powerless and trapped by your life?

First off, let me say, depression can be a very serious disease. I do not intend to take it lightly or, for this blog, to inspire anyone to stop taking medication to treat depression. Always talk to your doctor before stopping depression medication. They are not meant to be stopped suddenly. If you feel depressed, get help; talk to a professional!

Now let’s talk about how you can address your feelings of powerlessness. Let’s talk about you no longer letting the circumstances of your life make you feel trapped. Where is your focus? What is it that consumes your thoughts? Like the quote by Norman Vincent Peale says, “Change your thoughts, change your world“. Have you seen the picture where two men are riding on the train? One man is seated on the right side of the train and his window looks out onto the stone cliff wall. He has no view at all, just the dark grey rock of the cliff. The other man is seated on the left side of the train and his window looks out into a vast and sunny landscape. The man on the right is frowning and looking disappointed. The man on the left is smiling and obviously enjoying the ride very much. All the man on the right has to do is turn his head to the left to see the same stunning view the other man sees. In fact, there are even more seats available on the left side of the train. He could just move to a different window seat if he is not enjoying the current view out of his window. There is always, always, always something to be grateful for! Sometime we just have to take notice of it.

Visualization is another important tool in helping you change your world. Imagine the future you want. Picture the things that will help you to feel the way you want to feel. Let’s say you want to feel joyful. Visualize yourself doing something that feels that way. Maybe you are sitting on a blanket in a grassy meadow on a warm sunny day, with just the right amount of breeze, surrounded by puppies. The puppies are up to funny antics, romping and playing with one another. Some are climbing on your lap and licking your face. You can’t help but giggle and feel joyous as the sun warms your face and your soul feels renewed. There are so many joyous events you could visualize. Maybe you see yourself going to the mailbox and opening an envelope. When you see what is inside your eyes widen, your heart lightens, and you whoop for joy! What great news! You have been hoping this would happen and now here is the confirmation that your dream has come true! You pump your arms in the air and maybe jump for joy as you run back to the house to share the great news with your friends and loved ones. They are all as happy and excited as you are! They celebrate and share your joy!

One final suggestion I have is to take action. This can feel daunting and even impossible at times but you can do it. It doesn’t have to be a big action. Get out into nature. Mother Nature has an amazing ability to feed our soul and help us feel renewed. Go for a walk. Our bodies are meant to move. Endorphins are released when we move and they stimulate our brains to feel better. Pick a corner of your home and clean it. I always feel better when my space is clean and uncluttered. Trying to take on the whole home feels to overwhelming but cleaning off the top of just one table, going through one drawer, or washing some dishes can have a great effect on the psyche and get some momentum flowing. It can also help you feel some pride, which is a powerful thing in moving out of powerlessness and into taking the reins of your life and living your dreams.

If you are feeling powerlessness and trapped by your life, I am so sorry that you feel that way. It is not a fun place to be. Be brave, take a couple small steps today. You can do it. Seek help, you do not have to go it alone. Look for the things you are grateful for. Noticing them will bring more things to be grateful for into your life. Visualize a better tomorrow. Our thoughts do create our reality. Take action, it does not have to be a big action, just a couple small steps can really get the ball rolling toward living the life of your dreams. In fact, you already did take action. You read this blog! I love you. I am proud of you!

Thank you for reading my blog today. May you feel powerful and live the life of your dreams, as if by magic!

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Self Care: a series – part 4

In our series so far we have learned about keeping healthy boundaries, taking time for ourselves, and healthy self talk. Today lets dive into accepting our emotions. A lot of time we tell ourselves we should or shouldn’t feel a certain way. This causes excess stress and we judge ourselves to be “wrong” about our feelings.

Yes, we want to have positive emotions and keep our vibrations high. We are all human, however. No one is happy all of the time. Things happen to us and we “feel” things and in different ways. It is part of the grand experience of being human. When life is throwing a lot of stuff and responsibilities onto our plate we feel stressed, exasperated, worn out, maybe even depressed. However you are feeling, it’s not wrong. It is important that we do not wallow in low energy feelings without making an effort to change the vibration and energy, but that is not what we are talking about today. Today we are talking about when “those” emotions show up, that we accept them for what they are. We do not make them or us “wrong” for having them.

There are going to be times in your life when you feel angry. Life and circumstances happen that can cause us to feel frustrated; like that time your tire went flat and you were late. When people make choices that you do not agree with and you feel outrage. If someone betrays you or criticizes you, it is natural for you to have an negative emotional response to that. Accept how you are feeling. Do not make yourself feel further negative emotions by judging yourself by what comes up. Find a healthy way to cope with the emotion. Some examples are; going for a walk, creating some artwork, cleaning (this is what I do when I am mad), listening to music, or talk to a friend.

Sorrow is another natural emotion that we are going to experience in life. It is important that we honor this feeling when it comes up. The death of a pet or a loved one, a loss of any kind, disappointment, all of these things can cause us to feel sad. It is natural that we feel that way from time to time. Do not beat yourself up. It is okay. It is normal.

Be kind to yourself and accept yourself as you are. This does not mean we do not continue to try to improve ourself. The need for improvement does not indicate a reason to judge ourself lacking now, it’s just a higher goal to aim for.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I wish you a lifetime of high vibrational emotions and acceptance of any lower vibrational emotions you happen to have. Accept yourself “as is” friends.

 

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What Do You Regret?

I like to listen to music while I work. It helps me concentrate. Your Side of the Bed by Little Big Town was playing. In that song they ask “Are you sleeping with your own regrets?” It got me thinking about regrets. I have always tried to live a regret free existence. I have always felt that we do the best we can in the time and place we are in. Even with this philosophy, there have been a couple things in my life that I have struggled with. Sharing these regrets makes me very nervous. They are things I do not talk about. What is interesting to me as I reflect on this is that I don’t mind sharing with strangers but I am very nervous to have people who know me aware of them. I guess I fear being judged.
One of those things was related to my first husband’s daughter. She ended up in foster care. I, for a long time, regretted that I didn’t try and get custody of her. At that time in my life, I had two children that I was raising as a single mother. I felt I was not in a place to be able to take on another child. After this girl became an adult, I was able to make contact with her. I told her I was sorry that I did not fight to get custody of her. She was very gracious and said that she was just fine and that she has gone on to get a degree in social services. Perhaps her childhood was related to her calling in life. Perhaps that is why the Universe conspired for me to feel I could not take on raising her. Maybe her upbringing turned out to be better for her than anything I could have provided her with.
Do you believe in soul contracts? The idea that we come into this life with set experiences we are meant to have. When I first heard about the idea, I was not so sure about it. Now I find it is a good fit for my belief system. It makes sense to me. If I had saved her from foster care would I have cheated her out of one of her soul contracts? Or would I have cheated myself out of the experience of regret and trying to make amends? Do soul contracts mean we do not try to help others? I do not think so. Helping others could likely be one of our soul contracts. Do you think regret serves a purpose? Does the avoidance of regret help us make better choices?
Another time in my life, I regretted, was when I was a teenager. I was depressed and was going to commit suicide. One of my friends realized what I intended to do. She told the counselor who drove out to my house. The close call made me re-evaluate the importance of life and I have never been suicidal since. My friend saved my life and I am eternally grateful for the action she took. My regret is in the action I took after the counselor was alerted. I lied. I told the counselor, my mother, everyone, that my friend was wrong. It made her look foolish. We were never friends again after that day. I lost my best friend as a result of that lie. I have since contacted her and expressed my gratitude, as well as, apologized for lying. She forgave me.
I recently wrote a blog called Beneficial Forgiveness.  Dealing with these regrets is a perfect place to practice forgiving yourself. Remind yourself that you did do the best you could, in the time and place you were in then.
How have regrets shaped your life? Do you have regrets? Are there some you can’t seem to move past? How can you work on forgiving yourself for these things?

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