Tag: inspiration

Staying Positive: even when life cancels your flight

How do you handle it when life throws you a curve ball? Can you stay positive even when things are not going according to plan? Remember the movie, The Dark Night? In that movie the Joker is talking about how everyone “losses their mind” when things do not go according to plan, even if the plan is bad. Well let me tell you my story about how my day did not go according to plan and how I managed to (mostly) keep myself positive.
Today is Thursday and was supposed to be the end of my workweek. I was taking a day off tomorrow to go to Florida and spend time in the sun with my husband. I was in Chicago this week for work. The week had been productive and gone according to plan. I headed to the airport looking forward to my direct flight to Florida. When I arrived at the airport there were long lines at every gate. The board was filling up with canceled flights. The airport windows were covered with pea soup fog. I am not a person to be easily discouraged. I worked on manifesting the fog to clear. No such luck. I watched as flight after flight was canceled. Ugh! Finally the airport made an announcement that every flight prior to 7pm was being canceled. The lines at every counter were 100-200 people long. I calmly got on the phone with the airline. Once I was talking to the airline’s very nice customer service person, I learned the soonest I could get out of Chicago was Friday night. Missing 1/3 of my time in Florida. To complicate matters, my husband was flying from our airport in MInnesota to meet me in Florida. He was going to arrive and I would not be there.
While I waited for customer service to answer, I went on my rental car app  and found a oneway rental to, a somewhat near by, airport. I asked the airline if I could fly from that airport instead. I still could not get out tonight but I could get a 7am flight. I would land around noon. At least this would give me a little more of my vacation day back. I booked the flight and the rental car. Called my boss while I walked out of the airport. Everyone else was still waiting  in long lines. As I was was driving, I called my husband and told him what was up. So far still keeping my mood fairly positive. I heard others at the airport saying their flight had been canceled for the second time. Travel problems are no fun, that is for sure. I also called and checked in with my mom. Despite being in my forties, telling mom where I am, is still a nonnegotiable in her book.
While driving the four hours to the “somewhat near by” airport I called the hotel chain I typically use. I had a moment I am not very proud of… when I yelled some cuss words at the automated system that couldn’t seem to understand what I wanted. Once I was talking to a real person, all was right with my world again. They found me a hotel room for the night. My very saintly friend, Donna, said she would fetch Marty from the airport. I seriously do not know what I would do in this world without the support of dear friends.
So how did I stay positive through all of this?
1. I accepted that I have no control of it.
2. I thought outside of the box. While others waited in line I made a call and found a different solution.
3. Experience – traveling every week for work does give me a certain amount of experience dealing with things like this.
4. Looked for the silver lining. If I would have stood in one of those lines I would have been lucky to get out of town by the end of the weekend and since I have to be in Chicago for work on Monday, there would’ve been no point in leaving.
5. Gratitude. I am very grateful that I could get a oneway rental, a hotel and a flight to get me to Florida by noon. It certainly could have been different.
Life does not always serve us up the experience we hope to have. It often does not work out as planned, despite our best efforts. What can we do? We can keep on keeping on. Keep our thoughts positive, find things to be grateful for, and have some fun along the way.

Thank you for reading my blog today. May all your travel be smooth and your blessing be many.

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STOP Shoulding Yourself

We all are so busy telling ourself what we “should” be doing, how we “should” be acting, what we “should” be saying that we make it impossible to live up to the expectations we set for ourselves. When we can’t live up to the expectations we set for ourselves, we start beating ourselves up. We start telling ourselves things we would never tell our friends. We call ourselves names like “failure”, “lazy”, and “dumb”. We hold ourselves to standards we would never hold our friends to. How do we stop this practice and heal our relationship with ourselves?

I have started to write this blog three or maybe even four times. It is a topic I feel strongly about. So why am I having such a hard time getting the words out? Why am I having trouble expressing myself around this particular topic? Does it have anything to do with the fact that I feel I “Should” write this blog? I want to help people with the blogs I write. Inspiring others to find ways to improve their relationship with themselves, is a huge part of my mission in doing this. Perhaps, because of that, I have my own list of “shoulds” around this topic.

I am the queen of high expectations! My husband will try to tell me I am high maintenance, but I am not. I am high expectations. For myself and everyone around me. While attending Buddhist meditation, the monk shared this teaching. He told us that we get upset with others because of the expectations we set for them.  Then because we have these expectations of others, when they don’t live up to them, we feel frustrated. If we didn’t have these expectations of others we would not be upset when they don’t live up to them. He illustrated this with a story of meditation. If you are editing in the forest, you do not get upset with the bird because you do not expect the bird to be quiet. You do not think you can control the bird. If you are meditating at home and others in the home are making noise, you feel frustrated because you feel they should meet your expectations. But I digress. I really want to talk about the expectation, like this, that we place on ourselves.

How many times have I told myself I did not get enough done in a day? I am constantly saying I “should” exercise more, meditate daily, practice my yoga, and keep the housework caught up. If a friend of mine was telling me she felt badly for not doing all of these things, I would tell her to stop being so hard on herself. Why is it that the expectations we hold for ourself are so much harder than what we expect from others. Eat the right things, say the right things, do the right things. We set expectations for ourselves that no one could live up to, and then we beat ourselves up when we are not able to accomplish it all. Stop it! Just stop! Love yourself the way you love your friends. Give yourself the same respect you have for those dear people in your life who trust you with their concerns.

Everyday we all “should” do the best we can in the time and space we are in. We “should” forgive ourselves. We “should” love ourselves. There will be times when we can not live up to these expectations. There will be times that we can not do our best, love ourselves, or forgive ourselves… but there will be moments that we can. There will be blessed moments of clarity when all seems magical and we can be the best version of ourselves. The rest of the time we must be patient as we continue toward our own wellness. The blessed time when we love and accept ourselves as is.

I want to share my appreciation for Paul and Maria in Warrenville, IL. I appreciate you listening to me talk about my blog and my mission to help others find wellness.  I appreciate you sharing your stories with me. I wish you blessings and personal wellness in your lives. You both have such potential; I can see it within you! Don’t “should” yourselves.

Please Follow the Adventure Sisters:
Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister
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What I Love About the BWCA!

What do I love about the BWCA? 
Have you heard of the Boundary Water Canoe Area (BWCA)? If you are a faithful follower of my blog you have. The BWCA is a magical place. There is so much about the BWCA that I love. Want to know what tops my list? 
  1. Quiet! – It is an area for canoeing; truthfully that is your only way in. There are no motorized vehicles, no noisy motors zipping around. You paddle your way through it. You have what you bring in and what nature provides, nothing else. When you get to land you pick up your stuff (including your canoe) and carry it till you get to land. All you hear is nature and the occasional paddles hitting water. It is shocking to come back to reality after so much isolation and quiet. 
  2. Nature– It is the only place I have been to where nature is really left alone. The camp sites consist of a pit toilet and a cooking grate, lots of trees, and critters. It is really you and nature. You hear the wolves howl. We saw a moose swimming across the lake, have been visited by ducks, and heard bears over on an island. It is beautiful!
  3. Privacy -The campsites are spread out; maybe 2 on a small lake and 5 on a bigger lake. You may go the whole time and see only the people you brought with you or see others on the paddle in and the paddle out. Emy and I skinny drip. It is so freeing! Why bother with a swimming suit when it is just you and the critters? 
  4. Beauty – The BWCA is one of the prettiest places I have ever been. Serene beauty is everywhere you look. Shimmering lakes, undisturbed forests, big skies, and wildlife. It is where I feel God! Nature is my church; nowhere (that I have been) is as undisturbed as the BWCA. 
  5. FUN – And a lot of work, but it is the kind of work you feel real proud of when you are done. You feel like “Hell ya! I just did that!”. You can fish if so inclined. Everything is cooked over an open campfire (or a camping stove). You sleep in a tent and spend the rest of your day outdoors. If it rains hang  out under a tarp. I am telling you – there is nothing like it! 
There are so many more reason I love the BWCA…. but for 7pm on Monday night this is a good start. I love you all and appreciate you for stopping by and reading my blog! I look forward to the next time. Have a wonderful rest of your Monday! 

Please Follow the Adventure Sisters:

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

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The Boundary Waters Canoe Area, like so many beautiful areas, may be at risk from exploitation. If you feel so moved please sign the petition below to save this amazing natural resource!

https://www.savetheboundarywaters.org/tell-department-interior-and-bureau-land-management-protect-boundary-waters

Pursuit of Happiness

What will you do when those things, that the universe is bringing to you, show up within your reach? Will you reach out and take them? Will you be afraid? Ii it all too good to be true?

I recently had this happen. I had lived in Florida for ten years about a decade ago. It still feels like home to me. Recently,  on trip to visit my friend, I mentioned to my husband that I would love to have a second home in Florida. Of course this was a dream; something I would like to manifest but not anything I believed was within reach for us. Marty said, “Perhaps we are looking at this wrong. Maybe we should be thinking about buying a boat here”. My husband and I have been talking about buying a boat to live on since we first met. It was a dream we shared. What a great idea! We could have a boat in Florida as a second home. Still this was a dream that we didn’t really expect to show up in our lives that same weekend.

When we shared our thought with my friend she told us she knew someone selling a boat. Oh what fun it is to dream. We decided to go look at it, just for fun. Well to make a long story short the boat was perfect for us and priced within our reach. Wowzers! The Universe just told us to put up or shut up. The universe plopped our dreams (not one but two) just within our reach. I am still amazed at how events swirled to make these dreams a possibility.

You can probably imagine all of the things that were going through our head. Can we really afford it? Does it make sense? Is this really what we want? What’s the catch? Do we have enough time? Will we regret it if we do it? Will we regret it if we don’t? And about a hundred other “what if’s?”.

So I ask you, are you ready? If the Universe offers you your dreams? Will you reach out and take them? Think about some of those seemingly far off or future dreams. If one of those was put within your reach, what would you do? It may still require some work, some energy, some time investment on your part, but there it is. You only need to reach out, invest the time, the energy, the commitment and it is yours. Will you do it? Do you really want it or did you just think you did?

Marty and I decided we do really want these dreams. We are grateful that the Universe put it in our path. We plan to name our boat Happiness. Live your dreams today.

Do you have a story of the Universe asking you to “put up or shut up”? What would you do?

I wish you many blessing and dreams come true. Thank you for reading my blog today.

Please Follow the Adventure Sisters:
Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister
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My New Favorite Saint (well…almost)

I was raised Catholic. This religion no longer resonates with me because my beliefs have shifted. Still, there are parts of Catholicism that will forever be part of who I am. St. Anthony, if you don’t know his story, is who you call on when you loose something and he will find it for you. It really is magical. Try it sometime and you will see. This morning I was listening to a book and I heard a story of a saint I had not heard before. It intrigued me. Although St. Anthony is my favorite saint, St. Martha is climbing the charts.

Many know the stories of St. George who slays the dragon. St. Martha also conquered a dragon. She did it in a very different way. Instead of slaying the dragon, she tamed it. I think this illustrates the difference between the masculine energy and feminine energy. St.  George springs into action and through brute strength, plunges his sword into the beast and kills it. St. Martha, when faced with a similar situation, takes a walk in the forest; nurtures, befriends, and then eliminates the threat through kindness. This is not saying that the feminine approach is better than the male. When I hear a sound in the house in the middle of the night, I am supremely grateful for the protective nature of my husband. I do think though that society tends to dismiss the power of nurturing kindness.

Think about the way that we have the power to change and shift the vibrational quality of the planet if we did it through feminine energy. Nurturing and caring for each other through tough days, rather than sharing anger and raising our fists at the frustration. By validating what the other person is going through and showing them love and encouragement, we can elevate the vibration higher.

Anger has its place and is a very valid feeling. Please do not dishonor your feelings. You feel what you feel and that is not wrong. However, when you feel that anger, acknowledge it and then look if there is a way that you can handle the situation more like St. Martha than like St. George. Let’s say your child comes home from school with a black eye. There are many ways you might respond. Perhaps you get angry. How could the school have let anyone hurt your babe. You are going to call them and give them a piece of your mind right now. You fly off in a rant (probably in front of your child) about how this should’t have happened. In contradiction to that you may hold you child close. Ask them what happened. Get them some ice to put on their eye. Snuggle with them on the couch and have them share how the experience made them feel. Do you see the difference? Both examples are completely based on love for the child. One resonates with St. George energy and the other is more St. Martha.

We are all predisposed to react one way or the other. In life we need balance in all things. That is why we all have both masculine and feminine energies within us. When you see others responding to stress around you, observe the different types of responses. Notice the power that is held by the beautiful soft feminine energy. Just think how things could shift in the world with a little more of that.

What experience have you had with these different energies? How did this make you feel? What would you like to share with others?

Have a blessed day today. Thank you for reading my blog!

Please Follow the Adventure Sisters:
Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister
https://stacycrep.com
Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister
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Stacy Crep on Instagram
@stacycrep

Do You Feel Alone? Do You Think You Are the Only One?

Do you feel alone in your mistakes? Do you ever think you are the only one who has made a poor parenting decision, eaten or drank too much, or spent money foolishly, racking up massive debt? In her book: I Thought It Was Just Me(but it isn’t), Brené Brown says, “I don’t tell anyone the things I have gone through”. This is how Emy and I stumbled upon the idea for our book, Lessons Through Forgiveness. Emy wrote a heart felt chapter for another book. In this chapter she share a story from her life. It was full of regret for choices she had made in the past. It was so raw that it touched me in a way that few stories ever have. We all have these moments in our life that few, if any, know about. We are all not perfect.
Just think about all the things you are or ever have beat yourself up for. What mistakes have you made in the past that you feel are unforgivable or that you would never want to see the light of day? Do you judge yourself a failure for these things? What is so taboo to talk about; so we all most suffer alone in silence?
Parenting – Nothing can hurt you like your children. I have found that parenting has been the most painful experience. There is joy too, but everyone shares the joy. Few of us can really talk about the way we feel we have failed our children.
Sex – Sex is so often used for the wrong reasons. So many of us think sex will bring us love or boost our self esteem. I am sure there are many people out there who feel they slept with the “wrong” person. It might have been a poor choice in a partner or maybe they cheated on a relationship. Did you know that 25% of Americans have an incurable sexually transmitted disease (hivplusmag.com)? Yet no one talks about this.
Substance abuse – 23.5 million Americans are addicted to drugs and alcohol according to drugabuse.gov. Unless you are attending a recovery program you are unlikely to hear anyone share these stories.
Eating disorders – I am an emotional eater. Others forego eating when they are stressed. Depending on the website you look at it is estimated anywhere from 8 – 30 million Americans have an eating disorder. I can think of many painful stories related to my dysfunctional relationship with food that I have NEVER shared with anyone. When I have felt safe enough to share some stories with others, I learned that my stories were not all that unique.
Mental health – Even today, when we know so much more, there can still be such a stigma around mental health. 1 in 5 adults in this country has a mental health illness. The rate is about the same amongst teens. So many people are afraid to share when they are experiencing mental health issues. There are even those who are afraid to seek treatment for fear of what others will think.
Financial issues – Money troubles, crippling debt, gambling addictions, bankruptcies, Stockmarket missteps, foreclosures, even the good old “retail therapy” are ways that financial woes can creep into our lives. Many are busy beating themselves up for a history of poor or impulsive decisions related to money.
So many ways we judge ourselves and others. I am not saying you should run out and share all your stories. What I am saying is you should forgive yourself for your missteps. Know that you are not alone. Love yourself even if you feel like you have made mistakes, even if you think those mistakes are unforgivable.

Thank you for reading my blog today! I wish you a life filled with self acceptance.

Please Follow the Adventure Sisters:
Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister
https://stacycrep.com
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Stacy Crep on Instagram
@stacycrep

Be Who You Are and People Will Love You for It.

Yesterday at my Toastmasters meeting I gave a speech on Tarot Cards. This was very scary for me. Tarot is not accepted by many people; some even think it is the work of the devil. I wanted to dispel this myth and share how it is a great tool to take a peek into the subconscious. I wanted to give them a little bit of information about the cards and the deck to help it seem less scary.
It is interesting that I wanted them to feel less scared of the cards but here I was feeling nervous about letting people know that I work with Tarot cards.
I gave the speech and the group expressed genuine interest. Several people even mentioned that I should have brought a deck of cards to show. I cannot say if everyone was open to the idea but those who took the time to talk to me certainly were. I appreciated their openness. Our group consists of people from several different career paths and I was pleasantly surprised by their reactions.
I left the meeting feeling triumphant! I was proud of myself for being me and not letting fear stand in the way. People will love me for who I am or they won’t. After all, isn’t it a lot easier to enjoy being around someone who is authentic and genuine? Can you tell when someone is not being their true self? By being the “who” we really and truly are, we let our light shine. Others will feel naturally drawn to us. It is okay that I am an RN, Tarot Card Reader, Artist, Grandmother, Author, Healer, Mother, Wife, and so much more. Even though some of these things may seem in contrast with each other, that is not true. They weave together perfectly to make me. Just as all of the different labels you wear weave together to make you the who you are. Dr. Seuss said it best. “Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!”

This above all:
To thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
 – Hamlet, Shakespeare

I have learned (and am still learning) that by being true to who I am, fully and authentically, will attract people who like me for being exactly who I am. I will not need to pretend to be something or someone I am not. People who love me will love me warts and all.

 

Please Follow the Adventure Sisters:

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

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The Adventure Sisters on Facebook

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Stacy Crep on Instagram

@stacycrep

In Their Shoes

I recent listened to a group of family members discussing what it is like to work in customer service. As a nurse I also have been in jobs where pleasing people is a part of the role. I have seen people be extremely rude and even verbally abusive to people working in stores, all in an attempt to get their way. I am ashamed to admit, when I was younger, I also had occasion where I lost my patience with people just trying to do their jobs. What can we do and how can we think to help us have empathy for those who cross our paths in the course of a day?

Think about how different the world would be if we all followed the Golden Rule. Treating others the way we would like to be treated could help transform some of these frustrating interactions to be better. The Golden Rule is in some version in almost all major world religions. If we could see ourselves in that person, we would act the way we would want others to treat us, if we were working that job.

Nisargadatta Maharai said, “ The consciousness in you and the consciousness in me, apparently two, really one, seek unity and that is love”. We are better able to give love and acceptance, when we see that we are that other person. Can you put yourself in their shoes? Can you feel empathy for what it must be like to be in that place and having to deal with that situation?

Today I challenge you as you walk through your day to imagine yourself in the shoes of those you cross paths with. I would be curious to hear how this changed your perspective on the world around you. Did this make any impact on how you dealt with people or situations? No matter which side of the counter you are on, there is room to try and see the other person’s persecutive. Eckhart Tolle said, “If you are not in the state of either acceptance, enjoyment, or enthusiasm, look closely and you will find that you are creating suffering for yourself and others”. Try seeing yourself as the other person in a way to gain acceptance.

Thank you for reading my blog today! May your day be filled with love and acceptance.

Please Follow the Adventure Sisters:

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

The Adventure Sisters on Facebook

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Stacy Crep on Instagram

@stacycrep

How I Found Love

I have a great man. It is true, but it has not always been true. I have been with physically and emotionally abusive men in the past. I have dealt with lies and cheats. I have had the disinterested and the disengaged. I also have had my share of users. Recently a friend asked me for relationship advice. She wanted to know how to differentiate between the really great guy and the “trickster”. This really got me thinking. I believe in the “law of attraction” also known as the “secret” or “manifestation”. No matter what you call it, I believe what we put out into the Universe is what we attract back to us. So the fact that I have a husband who is perfect for me and a really great guy, means I changed something within myself. What was it?

Trust me, once I decided that I wanted to be in a committed relationship again, I set out to accomplish this task. I am not someone who fails when I set my mind to something. I read relationship books, created and put pictures on my vision boards, started online dating with gusto. I wrote manifestation lists under the new moon, listing all of the attributes I wanted my perfect partner to have. I even worked a spell with a friend. One of the most powerful manifestations I did was redecorating my bedroom. I made it soft and romantic with lots of draping white fabric and even an old crystal chandler to make it seem like a princess lived there. I decorated with pictures of couples in steamy romantic poses. I had a couple tasteful porcelain couples dancing. The goddess Aphrodite held a place of honor on my dresser. I had a boudoir photo shoot and put up sexy pictures of myself. This was to remind me that I am sexy and desirable. I also created some art work myself, depicting couples. The day I completed the bedroom remodel, I had my first date with Marty, who is now my husband.

Was manifestation enough to bring to me the perfect guy? I do not believe without making changes in my own self esteem and worth that I would have been as successful. When I started online dating, it was really hard to let a guy open a door for me. I can do it myself. I soon learned that most men like to do things for women. I also learned that by allowing a man to do things for me, I was confirming my own self worth. A wise friend told me that I am “the prize”. I think this really started to shift my thinking. I started to view dating differently. No longer did I see myself as desperately looking for a man who would see the value in me. Instead I found the value in myself. I knew I did not need a man, although one would be nice to share my life with. My life was glorious just as it was. Any man who put me low on his list of priorities did not get the gift of my time.

Another change that happened was me deciding that I wanted choices. In the past I would meet a man and give him all of my time and attention. Then, when I realized he was not the one or things did not work out, I would have to start all over. Suddenly I learned they needed to earn the right to be my one and only. Immediately committing to the first guy who paid attention to me quit. I had casual dates and deep conversations with several different men during any period of time. I did not give myself to the first guy who looked my way. I did not enter into a committed relationship with someone just because he was willing to give me some attention. This did two things for me. It helped me decide what I wanted and what I didn’t want in a relationship. I got to meet a lot of different men. I exchanged emails with even more. I learned about their interesting jobs and even more interesting hobbies and I met people I could not have met in my everyday life. The other thing it did was allow myself to see that potential suitors were plentiful. The world changes when you see it with abundance. You are no longer willing to accept “not good enough” as a way of life. You demand more from the universe.

On my 28th first date since deciding I wanted to be in a relationship, I met my future husband. He had to earn the right to be my one and only. I am eternally grateful for all the other men I went on dates with, exchanged emails with, or spoke to on the phone. They taught me a lot about life and even more about myself. They helped me become the person I am today. I wish them all successful and happy lives with their perfect partner, if that is what they want. Mostly I am grateful for my husband. He is a truly marvelous man! I appreciate him so much every day! I do not claim to be a relationship expert or to know what you need to do to attract your perfect partner. I can only share with you what I did and hope that it helps you in some way.

If you have been able to successfully navigate relationships, please share any words of wisdom with others. May all of you find your perfect partner, if that is what you desire. Blessings, Stacy!

 

Please Follow the Adventure Sisters:

Stacy Crep ~ Adventure Sister

https://stacycrep.com

Emy Minzel ~ Adventure Sister

https://emyminzel.com

The Adventure Sisters on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/BWCAdventureSisters

Stacy Crep on Instagram

@stacycrep

 

What Would I Tell You?

The post below is from a journal entry many years ago when I was dating. I was frustrated with a relationship I was in and was trying to figure out how to improve it. I was learning that my blunt direct approach does not work with everyone. I wrote a letter to him. Telling him everything I was afraid or unable to say to him. I never sent the letter and the relationship did not last much longer. I think the letter explains how so many people feel within relationships. That is why I have chosen to share it here today. I would love to hear your comments and feedback. What does this bring up for you? Have you had similar experiences in relationships? What has worked in dealing with situations like this in your past? 

What would I tell you…if I could tell you anything?

That I want you to want me. I need to feel desired by you. I need to know you see/notice the specialness that I know is within me.
I want you to give me affection. I am affectionate by nature so I currently find myself holding back from touching and kissing you as much as I would like. I do not want to have to ask you for affection. It makes me feel needy. I find neediness in myself unattractive. I can remember being in relationships where I was touched too much and I have no desire to make you feel that way. I have also been in a relationship where I was not touched enough. I have no intention of living like that again. I realize you can’t read my mind and have no way of knowing how much touch I want or need, without me telling you. I also realize the same is true in reverse; that I have no way of knowing how much touch you want or need, unless we find a way to communicate that to each other.
I am not perfect but hey… who is? No one. We are all flawed. I guess that is part of this whole dating thing. To see if I can live with your flaws and if you can live with mine. I do not want to campaign for reasons why you should want to be with me. I am a great catch. If you do not see that or appreciate that within me, who am I to convince you?
I need depth from you in our communications. Not all the time… sometimes just silly nonsense is perfect… you know I love to play.
I also need conversation where you share memories, what you think about various things and how you feel about different topics. I will wither and die in a relationship that does not contain some level of depth.
I have in the past, tried to use sex to try to form a connection. I need passion in my relationship to feel alive. More than this, I need connection and I feel connection is formed by touch and sharing.
I see such goodness and beauty in you. Somehow this causes you to take points away from me. How confusing is that? If I was still questioning whether you were worth my time, would that somehow make me more attractive?
In many ways I am the girl next door. I am scared of things that go bump in the night. I want my parents to be proud of me. I want my children to be productive members of society. I want to help my grandchild see the beauty and magic in the world. I want them to be better people because I made a difference in their lives. I want to contribute to society through my donations, work and deeds. I want to leave the places I have been, a little bit brighter then when I came. I want to live my life and allow others to do the same. I love my friends and family. I do not want anyone or anything to hurt them, nor, do I want to hurt anyone else. I work hard and have climbed my way out of poverty, poor decisions and failed marriages to become very successful in my career field. I am nowhere close to done in my growth. My life is a magical ride. If you choose to climb on board and come along, you will enjoy that magical ride too. The sky is the limit for me and my life has a way of allowing magic to happen.
I love my family but they do not define me, nor does my career or marital status. I am not desperately seeking a man to take care of me. I am more then capable of taking care of myself. I am looking for the right man to care for me, to connect with me, and to share my life with. Are you this person? Time will tell.
I am a continual work in progress. I attempt to sit back and watch how I react to things. This has taken years of working on myself. I am not perfect at it. At times, I still react to things without thinking about why I am reacting. The goal is to notice when I am getting “triggered” and exploring why I am feeling whatever I am feeling. Often it will relate back to baggage from the past and really not have much to do with the current situation. It has been interesting when opportunities to explore these things come up, I continues to help me grow and heal. I will probably never be completely healed or done growing. I am still human and will still react to things with out exploring what is underneath it from time to time. Nobody’s perfect, right? At times I may still get into the drama of the moment, but please know, I am seriously trying not to.
I do not want to create drama within our relationship. I believe we still have things to learn from each other and adventures to have together. I believe to have a successful relationship, autopilot will not work. We will both need to learn how to communicate what we are feeling and what we are needing within the relationship. We need to feel safe sharing those things that are at our core. We will both need to be vulnerable with each other… something neither of us is completely comfortable with.
All of this is what I would tell you… if I could tell you anything.