I Used To Think She Had To Like Me But I Was Wrong

I used to think it was important for her to like me, but then I finally realized that it is only important for me to like myself. We all struggle with acceptance from others. We are all concerned with being judged by others. We are all guilty of being on both sides of this. Worried about being judged and judging others. Wayne Dyer once said, “Their opinion of me is none of my business”.

Have you ever felt anxious about going to a gathering or meeting someone new, because you were worried how they might feel about you? Of course, we all have! Job interviews, big gatherings, first dates, or even joining a new group are all examples of this. Situations, where we are thrown together, with other people who we do not know or have not spent a lot of time with. It is easy to feel nervous and intimidated going into these events. By holding that light inside yourself and knowing that your are safe and perfect the way you are, can help reduce the stress and allow you to put your best foot forward.

Here is a little meditation you can do before entering into one of these environments to help you remember it is only your opinion of you that really matters.

Take a deep breath and feel where you body makes contact with the earth or any object that is supporting you. Just take a few minutes to feel that breath enter your body and flow down deep into your abdomen. Visualize a white light within yourself. That white light is your true nature. That white light is purity, love, divinity, and beauty. This exists within you. Feel its warmth spreading throughout every cell in your body. Know you are safe. Know that no-one and nothing can diminish this light inside of you. You are perfect just as you are. You are wonderfully and uniquely you. You are worthy of love and admiration. See this white light forming a force field around you. This force field will protect you from anyone’s judgement. Remember that you are worthy of love. Take a few more deep breaths and when you are ready, open your eyes. 

This meditation can be done quickly wherever you are. If you need a minute to center before entering a gathering, just do some version of this. You can even record yourself saying this and listen to it prior to any situation where you might feel uneasy.

Remember that you are “right” just as you are. No judgement from another can cause this to change. No one’s opinion of how you should be, behave, dress, or look diminishes the beauty and divinity within you. Namaste my friends. Which means the Divine in me sees the Divine in you. Please see the Divine in yourself as well.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I love you. May you love and appreciate yourself, as if by magic.

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A Story of Remembering

I want to tell you a story. This might be a story of old or it might be the story of now. It is likely a story that has occurred countless times throughout history. It is a story of trust and a story of renewal, but most of all, it a story of remembering.

There was a young woman. She was a mother or she wasn’t. She had responsibilities as we all do. One day, as she was walking through the forest of life, she saw a path. This path was not into the light but rather was a path into the darkness. This path went deep into the forest and it looked very dangerous. It was jagged and had many curves. It would have been impossible to learn were the path would take her by simply looking. The darkness of this path called to her. It called to her and it pulled at her, although she knew pain and betrayal waited for her along this path, she felt oddly intrigued by it.

Now I have to tell you, this young woman had always been responsible. She had always done what had been asked of her, what was expected of her, and even more. Everyone in her tribe felt she was the perfect young woman. Every mother wanted to call her daughter. The older men all wanted to call her daughter and the younger men chased her to be their bride. She cared for the young and learned from the elderly. She was the definition of smart and responsible.

Despite her history, as such a stand up member of the community, the young woman felt she must walk this path. She had to voyage into the darkness, even though it meant walking away from her responsibilities. She had to risk being hurt and had to hurt those who had placed so much trust and pride in her. She stepped onto the path, dropping the baskets that she had brought into the forest, leaving them where they lay.

The path was arduous. She stumbled and fell many times. She met scary creatures who pretended to be her friends or help her, but in the end, they we leading her farther into the darkness. They hurt her, physically, emotionally, and separated her from the light. Sometimes she tried to find her way back but they kept pulling her deeper into the darkness. They kept pulling her further from who she had been. They caused her to feel like a completely different person. It did not take long before she forgot who she was. She forgot she was from the light and she believed she was a creature of the darkness.

This went on for many years. The village mourned her. They felt that she was lost to them forever. They feared she would never find her way back to the light. But one day, she stumbled into the village. She was wild and untamed. She was a mere shadow of the bright young woman who she had once been. The darkness hung all around her and her “friends” from there, watched from the shadows. They called to her and pulled at her.

There was something about the village that felt like home to her, although she could not really recall. The community did not trust her, they avoided her. They would not let her care for the young or spend time with the elderly. They did not want to claim her as they once did. When they tried to give her responsibilities she would wander off or never fulfill them. Even though she was back, they felt she was still lost. They still did not recognize her as the brave and ambitious woman she had once been.

One day the village wise woman (the witch) was working quietly on something. She had been watching all of this. She saw how the darkness pulled at the woman, but she also saw how the woman tried to resist the darkness. She knew something deep within the young woman wanted to live fully in the light again, but there was so much baggage from the darkness, she couldn’t seem to step away from it. It had become a part of her identity.

The witch touched her finger to the young woman’s brow. The place in front of where the third eye resides. “Remember” said the wise old woman, “remember who you are”. The young woman blinked at her elder. The darkness seemed to fall away. Her “friends” let go of their holds on her and slunk back onto the treacherous path. Light beamed all around the young woman and she suddenly did remember who she was.

From that day on she worked to gain the trust of her community. She became who she had been only better. She was wiser now. Having known the darkness and living among the darkness helped her better see how she belonged in the light. It helped her embrace and enjoy her responsibilities. She become one others looked to for wisdom, for she had lived what they could never imagine and returned to the light.

Time would pass and worlds would change. The young woman would become the witch in the future. The wise woman would become the young woman again. This story would continue to unfold throughout history over and over again. Is this your story? It is my story. It is many peoples’ story. Forgive yourself for the time in the darkness. It was a part of your journey. It is done or nearly done now. You are wiser for it. Remember who you are! Remember that you are of the light!

Thank you for ready no my blog today! May you remember your true nature, as if by magic!

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Improving the World – Starting Right Here

I want to make the world a better place. I want to do my part to raise the vibration. Bring peace and healing to the planet and to promote kinship, hope, and love amongst all people. These seem like quite lofty goals. So how does one even get started on a journey to make the world a better place?

This morning in my meditation it became clear to me. The best way for me to improve the planet is to start right here, deep inside of myself. I cannot promote love unless I am love. I cannot promote peace, unless I am peace. I cannot promote healing, unless I am healing. I cannot promote high vibrational energy, unless I am high vibrational energy.

Far to often as I go about my day stressed, disappointed and frustrated as part of my experience. I am human and having human emotions is a normal experience. I must not “shame” myself for these emotions but I also must not get “stuck” in these emotions. When we experience these lower vibrational energies, it is important to acknowledge them. Allow them to move through us. What we resist, persists! By trying to deny our experience of these human emotions, they cling to us. When we notice them and feel them, then we can let them move through us.

Here are some steps to help process and move past these times when we are not feeling our vibrations are at their highest possible levels.

1 Become aware of it: Notice that a lower vibrational energy such as anger, grief, jealousy, sorrow, judgement, fear, etc. has entered your experience.

2 Feel it: Really feel it. Do not judge it.

3 Allow it: Take a moment to allow it. Just sit with it. Don’t shame yourself. This is a part of the human experience.

4 Reflect on it:  If it is possible step back from it and look at it. Think about why you are feeling like you do? Why has this situation affected your emotions in this way?

5 Bless it: Those emotions have purposes. Thank them for being a part of your human experience.

6 Release it: It is not necessary to hold on to it. There are many different techniques for release of stubborn emotions. The Sedona Method is one. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or tapping is another. Some emotions will release easily. Others you may need a technique and still others you may need the help of a therapist or healer.

7 Replace it with Gratitude: Gratitude, which is born from Love, is powerful. We ALL have things to be grateful for. Allow that gratitude to flow into you and through you to replace the space the lower vibrational energy has vacated.

Today as I journey through my day I will focus on Love, Gratitude, and Hope. I will feel blessed and share blessing with my fellow voyagers. When I observe an emotion that does not seem to be in alignment with these intentions I will work the 7 steps above to maneuver past it. I hope you will do the same. Together we will make the world a better place!

Thank you for reading my blog today. May you effortlessly move past emotions that do not serve your greatest and highest good, as if by magic. I love you.

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Muddling Towards Enlightenment

I have seen Spiritual teachers, leaders, and athletes be put up on pedestals, when in truth, they are all just human beings muddling through this life, best they know how. Once they fall off that pedestal though, society judges them harshly. How do we all be the best version of us, without putting ourselves or each other, up on those pedestals and resulting judgment? One way, I hope to accomplish this, is through my blog, books, and intentions. I want my words to encourage others to do what they thought they couldn’t do. I want everyone to be able to live their dreams. I feel so blessed to have a magical life and want to help my fellow voyagers, in this journey called life, to find that same power within themselves.

I have been asking myself these questions lately:

  • Do I practice what I preach?
  • Do I seek to understand?
  • Do I jump to conclusions?
  • Do I judge things with without knowing the whole story?
  • Do I follow my own advice?
  • Do I judge when I should instead send love?

A couple recent situations have caused me to look inside myself (deeply) at how do “I” make sure “I” am being the best me I can be. Let me share them with you.

The first happened when my very wise daughter brought something to my attention. I have taught my daughters and they are, in their own right, very wise souls. We were traveling together recently and I received some very frustrating and concerning news that could have had some very poor outcomes. I immediately began to worry about all the “worst” case scenarios. Stressed and talking about what I “thought” was going to happen. In all, I was painting the picture of what I didn’t want to happen. I was talking about it over and over again. My daughter calmly said to me, “Well, I am going to keep my thoughts positive”. “I am going to imagine it working out”. She had to tell me this a couple of different times along the journey to remind me to follow the same advice I so readily dish out. I am grateful that she was brave and wise enough to call me out on my negative thought pattern. It can be very difficult to bring this to someone’s attention when they are being negative. I am so glad she practices what I preach. It was a good reminder to work on myself continually. It is important to keep positive and paint the mental image of what we want to happen. In the end it all worked out.

The other situation happened this morning. I read a post written by one of the EMTs working along the Mexican border. He shared a very different view about the people who are working there and separating child from adults. Yes, I think the act of taking children from their parents along the border is horrific. It hurts me to the deepest level of my being. I am shaken by the thought of the horrors those child have and may in the future see.  But… is there 2 sides to every story? Yes! Does the truth lay somewhere in the middle? Yes! My mom used to say there are always at least 3 versions of the truth. My version, your version, and then the truth. Do I jump on the bandwagon of the popular thought without studying and learning what is really happening in order to form my own opinion?  It is frustrating that we cannot trust our news to bring us unbiased reporting. We cannot even be sure that some agenda is not being pushed or that some story is being used as a distraction to hide something else that is going on. I do not think there are any straight answers to some of these hard questions. All I can do is follow my own advice and send the purest, highest intentions to the children and their families who are so desperate for a better life that they are willing to risk everything to cross the border. I would like to see the suffering of all people end. I seek to try and understand others motives for doing the things they do. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” ~ Saint Bernard of Clairvaux. People may have very good reasons and the purest intentions for doing the things they do but that doesn’t always make them right. Still it is not my job to judge them but rather to send them love. It is my job to be the best “me” I can be and to send love to the whole world, not judgment.

I appreciate everyone who has and is walking this journey with me. I appreciate those who are not afraid to tell me when I am not following my own advice. Let’s all try and be the best version ourselves today.

Thank you for reading my blog today. May you be the best version of yourself, as if by magic! I love you!!

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Do You Feel Alone? Do You Think You Are the Only One?

Do you feel alone in your mistakes? Do you ever think you are the only one who has made a poor parenting decision, eaten or drank too much, or spent money foolishly, racking up massive debt? In her book: I Thought It Was Just Me(but it isn’t), Brené Brown says, “I don’t tell anyone the things I have gone through”. This is how Emy and I stumbled upon the idea for our book, Lessons Through Forgiveness. Emy wrote a heart felt chapter for another book. In this chapter she share a story from her life. It was full of regret for choices she had made in the past. It was so raw that it touched me in a way that few stories ever have. We all have these moments in our life that few, if any, know about. We are all not perfect.
Just think about all the things you are or ever have beat yourself up for. What mistakes have you made in the past that you feel are unforgivable or that you would never want to see the light of day? Do you judge yourself a failure for these things? What is so taboo to talk about; so we all most suffer alone in silence?
Parenting – Nothing can hurt you like your children. I have found that parenting has been the most painful experience. There is joy too, but everyone shares the joy. Few of us can really talk about the way we feel we have failed our children.
Sex – Sex is so often used for the wrong reasons. So many of us think sex will bring us love or boost our self esteem. I am sure there are many people out there who feel they slept with the “wrong” person. It might have been a poor choice in a partner or maybe they cheated on a relationship. Did you know that 25% of Americans have an incurable sexually transmitted disease (hivplusmag.com)? Yet no one talks about this.
Substance abuse – 23.5 million Americans are addicted to drugs and alcohol according to drugabuse.gov. Unless you are attending a recovery program you are unlikely to hear anyone share these stories.
Eating disorders – I am an emotional eater. Others forego eating when they are stressed. Depending on the website you look at it is estimated anywhere from 8 – 30 million Americans have an eating disorder. I can think of many painful stories related to my dysfunctional relationship with food that I have NEVER shared with anyone. When I have felt safe enough to share some stories with others, I learned that my stories were not all that unique.
Mental health – Even today, when we know so much more, there can still be such a stigma around mental health. 1 in 5 adults in this country has a mental health illness. The rate is about the same amongst teens. So many people are afraid to share when they are experiencing mental health issues. There are even those who are afraid to seek treatment for fear of what others will think.
Financial issues – Money troubles, crippling debt, gambling addictions, bankruptcies, Stockmarket missteps, foreclosures, even the good old “retail therapy” are ways that financial woes can creep into our lives. Many are busy beating themselves up for a history of poor or impulsive decisions related to money.
So many ways we judge ourselves and others. I am not saying you should run out and share all your stories. What I am saying is you should forgive yourself for your missteps. Know that you are not alone. Love yourself even if you feel like you have made mistakes, even if you think those mistakes are unforgivable.

Thank you for reading my blog today! I wish you a life filled with self acceptance.

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