Breathing Through Resistance: A Meditation Journey

My friend and I created the School of Illumination, beginning with a six-month foundation to prepare participants for deep shadow work. The advanced training, Shadow Song: A Journey Into Illumination, invites students to dig deep, study themselves, and confront the shadow.

As we guide participants through the next 12 months, I’ve decided to journey alongside them. I’m choosing to put myself first, engage fully in the coursework, and once again face my own shadow. It’s important to me to become the best version of myself I can be.

The work includes daily meditation, journal prompts, and homework activities between our monthly classes. Our first journal prompt this month focused on resistance. As I reflected, I noticed something: I’ve been resisting sitting still to meditate each day.

Throughout my life, I’ve had a steady meditation practice — sometimes even twice a day — yet I feel resistance to simply being still and quiet. I teach walking meditation, and the Kundalini yoga I love combines chanting and movement with meditation, but even these practices have fallen away lately. Hmm… what is this about?

As I prepared to meditate today, I caught myself wanting to blow my nose, clean my ears, brush my hair. Was I distracting myself with little tasks to avoid the stillness, or were these small acts part of settling into my body before I got quiet?

While journaling about this resistance, I asked my wise higher self for guidance. I was reminded of a tool we shared with our students: box breath. This simple pattern — inhale for a count of five, hold for five, exhale for five, hold out for five, then repeat — can help calm the mind and body. I decided to use box breathing as I meditated today. It worked.

At first, I kept my attention occupied by counting, breathing, and holding. As my meditation deepened, I lengthened the counts to ten, drawing my breath more fully into my body. A calm, slow rhythm emerged.

Eventually, I stopped counting. My breath continued in the same pattern, but my awareness opened to the world around me: the rustling of leaves, a distant dog barking, birds chirping, the steady song of insects. The wind moved through the trees like the breathing of the earth. Occasionally, wind chimes sang, and I felt part of it all.

I’m grateful I worked through my resistance and allowed myself this moment of connection. I’m grateful for the peace I felt afterward, and for showing up for myself despite hesitation. Will this completely dissolve my resistance? I don’t know — but I’ve found a tool to help me meet it with curiosity and move forward.

Colors on Water: A Meditation in Motion

Last November, I traveled to Costa Rica for a yoga retreat. We practiced a lot of yoga. We meditated, connected in community, ate incredible vegetarian meals, and attended enriching classes.

One of my favorite questions to ask people during an event or vacation is:
“Tell me about your favorite moment so far…”
It’s such a beautiful way to reflect on an experience. It also helps you learn what truly moves your friends and family—what they value most.

Today, I want to share one of my favorite moments from this retreat.

Our instructor, Tommy, guided us into a profound meditation. When it ended, we quietly rose and walked down to the ocean, still in silence. We sat together on the sand, watching the day slip away into the Pacific. Then, as the sun neared the horizon, we waded into the ocean—still meditating—as the sunset painted the world around us.

There were about 80 of us, and the scene reminded me of the 1998 film City of Angels, where angels gather at the coast in reverent silence. That’s exactly how it felt—silent, yet deeply connected in community.

I’ve witnessed countless coastal sunrises and sunsets—on cruise ships, sandy beaches, and balconies—but never from within the water itself. That day was different. Being fully present in meditation made it extraordinary. The push and pull of the waves against my body anchored me in the moment. The only sounds were the rhythm of the ocean and the occasional call of a bird. I was surrounded by others, yet I felt completely alone—in the best way.

The sky bloomed with vivid color, spilling onto the few clouds drifting above. The waves became dark silhouettes edged with glowing orange and purple light. Countless black pyramids rose and fell before me, their sides shimmering with the last fire of the day. It was breathtaking—alive and electric with beauty.

At 52, I was amazed to discover a whole new perspective on something so familiar. That sunset, that ocean, that stillness—it shifted something in me.

I am profoundly grateful for this experience, for the community that shared it with me, for the family and friends who encouraged me to put myself first and take this journey, and for the life that continues to gift me these small miracles.

What I Want to Remember

As the wind blows away the dust of who I have been, what are the parts of my life I want to remember?

I want to remember who I am when I walk in nature. I want to feel the wind blowing through my hair, the sun warming my skin, and the grass beneath my feet. I want to remember how the sounds and scents of the natural world make me feel connected, whole, and at home. I want to hold on to the beauty I’ve witnessed—the vivid color of the sky, a single leaf, an eagle soaring overhead, the remarkable shapes of mushrooms growing on a fallen tree. These sights fill me with awe.

I want to remember the love I carry for the people who have shared this life with me. I want to remember to forgive—both myself and others—because life is messy. We are all stumbling through as best we can. I want to remember that it is okay to set boundaries and love people from afar. I want to show up each day with love, in spite of my flaws or theirs. I want to remember that everything happens for a reason, even when the reason is unclear. My responsibility is my own healing. It is not my job to heal others or to decide if they need healing—that is their journey.

I want to remember the love of my grandparents, and the love I hold for my grandchildren. Why does the separation of a generation seem to intensify relationships? My bond with my grandchildren feels so different from what I had with my children—not better, not purer, just different. The same is true of the love I felt from my grandparents; so very different from my parents. Now, as I walk this path without any grandparents in physical form and step fully into that role myself, I hope that long after I am gone, my grandchildren will feel my love—helping, guiding, and supporting them in ways I cannot do today.

Do I want to remember my journey through this lifetime? Are the occurrences and experiences important to my story? Every page I have turned along this path has shaped me, drawing me closer to the truest version of myself. I understand who I am today in a way I never did in childhood, or in my twenties, thirties, or even forties. The missteps and stumbles, the masks and roles, the passions and goals—all of these have been essential to discovering Stacy.When faced with the question, “What do I want to remember?” I think the answer is simple:
I want to remember who I am.

A Letter from Love

The Book of Alchemy by Suleika Jaouad is full of enticing journal prompts to help us as journalers, as people, as fellow travelers in life, to delve more deeply into ourselves. This morning as I flipped through the book the prompt asked me to write a letter from Love.

“Dear Love, What would you have me know today?”

Dear beloved one,

As the sun rises into the sky over your world shining brightly on everything, I am there. Tonight as the sun sets bathing the world into a dusky quilt of color, I am there. As the sliver of the moon hangs in the dark night sky, I am there too. There have been times in your life where you did not embrace me, maybe you even doubted if I was real. I have always been here. I have been cheering you on. Celebrating your successes and compassionately holding you in the times you felt failure.

I want you to know that even in those times when everything felt like it was falling apart, it was actually falling together. Those times that felt so dark and deep, when you felt the inky darkness of despair was all around you, those were times to encourage you to take the next step up. These were times for you to find your will to move beyond your experience into the beauty of your true self.

I see you dear one, as the beautiful bright soul that you are. I love you with all that I am. I wrap and swirl all around you and within you. I know you more than you even know yourself. You allow your value to be defined by the thoughts and deeds of others. You forget that you are more than you appear. You allow your goals to be set by the expectations that have been placed upon you by the well meaning, who confuse love with safety. I see you, as I have always seen you.

You burn brightly, filled with the stuff of stars. Take a deep breath child and feel me. Pause and allow yourself to be wrapped within me, eternal love. You are beautiful. The parts of you you think of as flaws are only part of the unique fabric of who you are. There are no flaws. When I gaze upon you I see you as you cannot see yourself. I see the perfection of the wholeness of you.

I would like for you to fully and deeply love yourself, but I see that you may not be ready for the fullness of this just yet. In those times when you feel alone, or unworthy of love; call to me. I am here loving you even when you cannot find me within yourself or others. I am here to wrap you in my warm embrace. I will give you a safe nest to retreat to for just a little while. It only takes a moment, a breath, to find me. Take that deep breath in and feel me, Love, surrounding you and all that you are. Feel me loving all of you. You are worthy and deserving of the fullness of my unconditional love and dedication.

In deepest devotion,

Love

Embracing Change: The Call to Growth

There are times in our lives when we feel something calling. We see the signs that there is a bigger potential waiting for us. We can hear opportunity or maybe even fate, knocking at our door. And despite the amazing potentials that these times offer us, we carry on as if nothing spectacular is happening. We carry on with blinders and ear plugs muffling the brilliance that is there for us. What might our life look like if we boldly opened the door at these times? How might everything change?

Change in and of itself can be scary and uncomfortable. As people we like the comfort of that status quo, even when that is not great. Lisa Nichols said, “There is no growth without discomfort”. These words are so true. It is not the times in our lives when we sit comfortably in our chair watching or reading the type of thing we have always read when we have experienced growth. It is the time when life knocks us on our ass. That is when we had no choice but to stand up and say, “I want something different”. I do not want to carry on with the same old same old. I am not going to be a passenger in my life any longer.

I find myself at such a crossroads. I hear the call of the future. It is telling me nothing is ever going to be the same. I am too young to retire, but too old to continue to climb the career ladders. My responsibilities have shifted. Having adult children and grandchildren has a certain freedom to it. I am blessed with a husband who walks boldly and protectively by my side. I am allowed, at this time in my life, to be more “me”, than I have ever been before. I get to explore, play, and live in a way that helps me to discover what has been laying dormant, nestled at the base of my spine, waiting to rise up like the kundalini energy. The time has come for me to not only notice the call of something but to boldly fling open the door and welcome the coming changes.

I am 50

This morning, When I awoke, I had entered my 6th decade in this lifetime. I am half a century old. When I was a child, 50 seemed so very ancient. Now that I am here, I feel like it is the best age of my life, so far!

I have never dreaded getting older. Age is a state of mind. I certainly do not feel like what I would have thought 50 should feel like. I intend that my 50s will be amazing! I feel there is a freedom to this stage of my life. I care much less about what anyone else expects of me. I work hard and play harder. My husband and I have a beautiful symbiotic relationship. We work in harmony but also have our independence. Our children are grown and doing well. Our grandchild are a joy and remind us to stay young at heart.

As my heath goals take front and center; I reflect on how my age may play a role in my determination to make progress to the best shape of my life. Perhaps it does have something to do with turning 50. Ultimately the reason does not matter. What matters is that I feel inspired. I love my life! I enjoy each run, hike, and mediation. Each day I find that I am seeing improvements in my emotional and physical health and wellbeing and my spiritual connection remains a place of comfort and support.

Whatever age you are, enjoy it! Make it the best year of your life, so far! You deserve to enjoy every moment! They won’t all be perfect but breathe through the tough moments and embrace the joyful ones!

Thank you for reading my blog today! I love you. May you live you best life!

3 Reasons to Not Point Fingers

Recently, a generous person with a lot of money, offered a considerable donation to rebuild Notre Dame. Quickly, all kinds of controversy started about where they should donate their money and how it should be used. I do not watch the news, because I do not want all the negativity and fear that is broadcast there, to seep into my life. What I know about this situation is simply what I have heard others talking about and it got me thinking about finger-pointing.

When you point your finger at others (whether they see it or not) 3 fingers are pointed back at you. I see this as an invitation to look at myself. In regards to a donation, where am I putting my resources and time? In response to others behavior, how am I behaving? If something really gets my goat, why is it that it is pushing my buttons so?

It is not my job to judge how others are living their lives, nor is it up to me to decide where others should or shouldn’t put their money. It is my job to just love my neighbor, be grateful for the blessings in my life, and to notice all, that others, have to offer to this crazy voyage we call life. Like with the rule of threes, if I am going to have three fingers pointed back at myself, I want to be sure they are pointed with the highest vibrational energy possible.

Notice the good that people do, see the creativity that other posses, observe the wisdom shared by those around you. Raising our vibration to one of love and appreciation will have a magical effect in our own life and likely others around you.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I love you! May your life be full of appreciation for others, as if by magic.

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Introspection: 5 possible approaches

Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a conflict and you’re not really sure how you got there? This has happened with me this week. I find myself in a conflict I would have never predicted and I don’t really know how we got here. It hurts my heart. I do not like conflict and typically work very hard to avoid it. All the same, here I am. I have been trying to use an introspective approach to determine what steps I can take in the future to avoid this same situation. After all, life is about moving forward.

The Oxford Dictionary defines introspection as: “the examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional process.” This seems like a good approach to heal this situation and avoid future ones. What could I have done differently? What within me caused me to react in the manner in which I did? What parts of myself do I need to heal in order to move forward without a similar future situation, like this, rearing its ugly head? Introspection is about looking deeply within yourself. We can only control our own reactions and responses to situations.

There are many ways to approach introspection. Here are 5 of my favorites.

1. Journaling – journaling is a great way to let the words just flow. It is a safe space to say everything you want to say, and you never know what wisdom may flow onto the pages. There can be many “ah ha” moments while journaling.

2. Meditation – mediation allows you to step away from the circling thoughts and find a few moments of peace. This is a great space to set an intention of having clear guidance and insight flow to you. I find this a powerful process.

3. Therapy – Meeting with a good psychotherapist is a great way to have someone hold space for you to get beyond any issues at hand. This person can often help you identify blind spots or actions you do see, that can cause pain.

4. Exercise – Going for a walk, running, or yoga can also be a great way to go inside. There is something about this process that is not only healing but helpful in gaining insight into who we are and the type of actions we take.

5. Tarot – This one may seem weird to you but I find, working with either tarot cards or oracle cards, is a great way to dig into the subconscious. Our subconscious often has a different agenda than our thinking mind. Even if you do not know what a card means, looking at the symbolism you notice and thinking deeply about its message for you, can be a great source of insight.

Introspection is a great tool. Whether you are currently within a situation that brings a need to look at your own actions and intentions, or you are just on a journey to be the best version of yourself. We all have shadowy areas within ourselves. It never hurts to go in and clear out the cobwebs.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I love you! May you have introspective insight when you need it, as if by magic.

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I Met God Today

Today I meditated on compassion and not judging people, but just accepting them as is, including myself. My meditations are always a bit ADHD with thoughts coming and going. Images popping up before me and dissipating like smoke. I have learned not to fight what happens during meditation. I just stay present and accept what comes. I ignore my mind, which is constantly trying to narrate and document everything that is happening. I focus on my breathing, or a mantra, when the mind gets to insistent and just let it float to the background.

Today was no different. I was meditating, as usual, when suddenly there was this white light before my mind’s eye. It was a bright light and grew in intensity as it came closer. I grew to realize that this was God. I sat with him and just accepted the Divinity of this moment. My mind screamed at me to write it down and document it. I ignored the mind and allowed the observer part of myself to enjoy this extraordinary experience. Then it changed. The bright white light changed into an inky purplish black color. It was no longer a concentrated sun as the white light had been. It spread and filled the area of my vision, nebulous and changing. I came to understand that this was also God. She explained to me that God is all things; light and shadow. Duality is a necessary part of all things. She said just as I do not judge the moon, the negative charge of electrons or femininity, as bad, nor is the dark side of God or anyone. It just is.

This is a hard concept to wrap one’s head around. In the Taoist philosophy there is the Yin/Yang. This is the symbol we often see where the white and black swirls meet to form a perfect circle with a little spot of the opposite color on each side. It shows the nature of both being necessary for the whole and that each contains a bit of the other. Yin is feminine and the dark side. Yang is masculine and the light side. Neither is good or bad. But both are necessary for the formation of life. We could not continue the human race without both. A battery does not work if the charges are not aligned correctly. Night and day are both required for nature to exist in harmony. We must work and we must sleep. Why should it be shocking that God contains balance, duality within the Divinity of our source?

We have put so much negative connotation to the shadow side, that perhaps some of its true nature has been lost. Darth Vader tries to get Luke to come to the Dark Side and the movies make it all very evil. If you have ever watched the Disney movie Maleficent with Angelina Jolie, you know that a story can be told in a very different way, in which the villain’s story looks less like a villain and more human. Someone who is doing the best they can in the time and space they are in. What if we say that God is in all people? What if we noticed the duality and knew they were doing the best they could in the time and space they are currently in; to balance the duality within themselves? Know that they are doing their very best possible, to express the divinity from which they come. It does shift how we see each other, doesn’t it? I feel this makes it a bit easier to have compassion, rather than judgement, when experiencing others along this path called life.

Spend some time with this concept. Let it float around in your mind and in your dreams. Try it on and see how it feels. Find your own truth within it. I hope it helps you find more compassion for yourself as well as for others.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I love you! May you find compassion over judgement naturally, as if by magic.

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10 Techniques to Raise Your Vibration

Keeping your vibration high is important for a number of reasons. It feels good, it attracts happier things into your life, and it makes you a light for others. These are just a few of the reasons to keep your vibration high. However, life happens and sometimes we just don’t feel great and our vibration dips. When these times happen, is there anything we can do to raise our vibration again? Luckily, there are many things we can do. Here are just a few.

1. Focus on the good – like in the song from the musical: Sound of Music, “When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so bad”. Focusing on the good will raise your vibration to match it.

2. Music – turn on some upbeat tunes and dance around or sing loudly in the car on your commute into work. Put in the earbuds while going for a stroll and just let the tunes erase your worries.

3. Exercises – when we move our bodies, it gets all those little happy, healthy endorphins flowing. This flow of hormones can really help you vibrate at a higher frequency.

4. Gratitude – make a list of what you are grateful for, call a friend or family member and thank them for the wonderful impact they have on your life. There are always so many things to be grateful for and changing your focus will help ramp up your vibration.

5. Yoga – yoga helps us feel aligned and centered. It can be a great game changer on a low vibrational day. Yoga also involves breath work. The Yogic breathing is also wonderful for increasing your vibrational frequency.

6. Energy Healing – there are a number of different types of energy healing but Reiki, Chi-gong and Hands on Healing are a few. They all help bring your vibrations up.

7. Meditation – take a mental break with a short meditation. Before starting, set the intention that you will bring in white light and raise your energy level.

8. Chants – In the Kundalini yoga I love, there is often chanting. The chants, or Mantras, are ancient spiritual seed sounds that carry higher vibrations. You can listen to these or chant along. Gregorian monks also chant. I think either of these are beautiful to listen to and both can ramp up you vibrational speed.

9. Sound healing – the gong is the sound of creation but there are many other sound healing modalities out there. Drum showers, didgeridoo, and singing bowls are just a few of them. Look for a local sound healing concert, practitioner or pull up videos on the internet.

10. Visualize – picture in your mind’s eye something that makes you happy. Running through a grassy meadow on a sunny warm day, walking along the shoreline, driving on a country road, or playing with puppies; are some simple, happy things to visualize. Our brains are incredibly powerful and science has proven that the brain doesn’t know the difference between strong visualizations and actual events.

There are so many other things we can do to raise our vibrations but this list is a few to start with. You have the power within you to improve your life. Take the first step today by raising your vibration and then, using some of these various techniques, keep it up. No one is happy all of the time but happiness is a choice that you can make.

Thank you for reading my blog today! I love you! May you find your vibration remains high, as if by magic.

*Photo was taken along the MN/WI boarder.

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