What Are You Afraid Of?

Fears, we all have them. Some are rational fears built out of protecting ourselves from things that have harmed us in the past. Some are instinctual fears, that have been pasted down through generations of ancestors, as a means to keep us safe from life threatening dangers. Other fears are irrational fears, we do not understand where they come from but the fear is real and we must deal with it. Then there are the anxieties of the future possible.

What does the future hold for us? How will our decisions and actions of today affect our lives tomorrow? These fears are just as real in our mind and how they affect us as the others. They are no easier to deal with than the fear of heights or needles would be. They drain our energy and affect our choices. I feel these fears can be very detrimental to us. They can cause us to not pursue our dreams or hold our loved ones back from obtaining theirs. I remember reading somewhere once (although I do not remember where) a line about fears that has stayed with me and still rings very true. “Why should we walk for we might fall”~ Unknown.

We are all very good at imagining the “what ifs” of various scenarios.

 ”If I apply for that job, my boss might find out and I may get fired and then the other company won’t hire me and I will be out of a job and I won’t be able to pay my rent and I will have to go live on the street”
“If I spend that money on that trip, I might not enjoy the trip and then the money will be gone and my car might breakdown and I will need the money to fix it”
“If I ask that person out on a date, they might laugh at me and think how could someone like me could talk to someone like them and if they did go out with me they might be mean to me at the restaurant and publicly berate me and everyone else at the restaurant will probably be looking and wondering why I am making a fool of myself.”

All of these fears, when we read them here, show us how we are worrying about something that may and most likely won’t ever happen. We are preventing ourselves from experience some of the joys in life, if we spend too much time fearing what might never come to pass.

“What if I fall?’, Tim cried.  Maerlyn laughed. ‘Sooner or later, we all do.”  ~Stephen King, The Wind Through the Keyhole

The only way to get past our fears, is by facing them. How did you get past being afraid of the dark or other fears you may have had as a child? Did your parents let you leave all the lights on all over the house, so you would not be afraid? Did you run fast across your dark bedroom and jump into bed before the thing underneath it grabbed. At times in life we all need to take risks. We need to boldly step out of our comfort zone and march into the unknown. At some point, the child decides to leave crawling behind, stand up and walk. Although they will likely fall (probably several times) eventually, walking will become comfortable for them.
Thank you for reading my blog today! I wish you a life of happily going boldly, where you have not gone before and finding the joy and magic this life has to offer to you.
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6 Ways To Help Others Improve Their Wellness

Wellness is important for all of us. We are responsible for our own wellness but we can also support those around us with their journey to be better. Here are some ideas on ways you can help your loved ones work toward optimal wellness.

Tell them positive things about themselves. Many of us struggle with low self esteem and even if we don’t, compliments always feel good. When giving praise, remember that specifics matter. Instead of saying “nice job cleaning the house” try “the stove just sparkles, you did such a great job cleaning the house”.
Encouragement! We all have moments when we do not feel we are doing our best or despite our best efforts, things do not work out the way we would have liked. Having a friend or loved on tell you that you are doing good can sometime make all the difference between feeling discouraged or finding the gumption to keep going.
Don’t enable. Enabling always seems to happen with the best intentions. You feel tired and don’t want to go to the health club, then your well meaning friend tells you it’s okay to take the night off. It gives you the excuse you needed to not go. Think about that family member who always tells you one cookie won’t hurt your diet. If your loved one is working towards a goal, help them keep moving toward that direction. Sometime when their strength is weak, they need you to be strong.
Don’t be the drill sergeant either. A little encouragement can go a long way but ultimately we all get to make our own choices and if we decide that this is not going to be the week we give up caffeine, having a friend try and tell us what to do, will likely not be helpful. Most of us do not like to be bossed around. Going back to the idea of encouragement; let them make their own choices and just be there with reasons and encouragement why they can be successful making healthy choices.
Tell children only good things about themselves. Did you see the movie The Help? In that movies she tells the children, “You is kind, you is smart, you is important”. She said she learned she could help children have good self esteem by telling them that. Bruce Lipton says that research has shown that children, prior to age 7, are in a form of hypnotic trace when it comes to their self esteem. Everything you tell them, they take in like it is the truth. So only tell them the good things about themselves. Remember it is okay to dislike a behavior while you still love and approve of the child.
Smile! When you smile, others feel like smiling too. Nothing can help you feel so good as smiling faces. spread joy!

Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful. ~Thich Nat Hanh

Thank you for reading my blog today. I wish you a lifetime full of wellness for yourself and those who make you smile.

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Self Care: a series – part 4

In our series so far we have learned about keeping healthy boundaries, taking time for ourselves, and healthy self talk. Today lets dive into accepting our emotions. A lot of time we tell ourselves we should or shouldn’t feel a certain way. This causes excess stress and we judge ourselves to be “wrong” about our feelings.

Yes, we want to have positive emotions and keep our vibrations high. We are all human, however. No one is happy all of the time. Things happen to us and we “feel” things and in different ways. It is part of the grand experience of being human. When life is throwing a lot of stuff and responsibilities onto our plate we feel stressed, exasperated, worn out, maybe even depressed. However you are feeling, it’s not wrong. It is important that we do not wallow in low energy feelings without making an effort to change the vibration and energy, but that is not what we are talking about today. Today we are talking about when “those” emotions show up, that we accept them for what they are. We do not make them or us “wrong” for having them.

There are going to be times in your life when you feel angry. Life and circumstances happen that can cause us to feel frustrated; like that time your tire went flat and you were late. When people make choices that you do not agree with and you feel outrage. If someone betrays you or criticizes you, it is natural for you to have an negative emotional response to that. Accept how you are feeling. Do not make yourself feel further negative emotions by judging yourself by what comes up. Find a healthy way to cope with the emotion. Some examples are; going for a walk, creating some artwork, cleaning (this is what I do when I am mad), listening to music, or talk to a friend.

Sorrow is another natural emotion that we are going to experience in life. It is important that we honor this feeling when it comes up. The death of a pet or a loved one, a loss of any kind, disappointment, all of these things can cause us to feel sad. It is natural that we feel that way from time to time. Do not beat yourself up. It is okay. It is normal.

Be kind to yourself and accept yourself as you are. This does not mean we do not continue to try to improve ourself. The need for improvement does not indicate a reason to judge ourself lacking now, it’s just a higher goal to aim for.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I wish you a lifetime of high vibrational emotions and acceptance of any lower vibrational emotions you happen to have. Accept yourself “as is” friends.

Self Care: a series – part 3

In part 1: we talked about healthy boundaries. Part 2: encouraged you to take time for yourself. Now let’s discuss self talk. Self talk is simply the things you tell yourself. Some of the things we say to ourselves are worse than anything you would ever tell another human. Even people we really don’t like, we would seldom talk to the way we talk to ourselves, at times. We give ourselves messages about our ambitions, our intelligence, and the way we look. Why are we so hard on ourselves and how can we change it for the better?

When you look in the mirror what do you say to yourself? I know I used to look and see a fat, very plain looking woman. I would tell that woman how discussing she was. I would be angry with her for how much weight she carried and let her know I thought she was a fat pig. These are things I would have never said to another human being. Thanks to Louis L Hay and other teachers like her, I began to recognize that this was not a way to treat or talk to myself. Louis was a big advocate for “mirror work”; looking in the mirror and telling yourself. you love yourself. “I love you Stacy”. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but it is a great first step to start shifting how you talk to yourself.

The next thing you need to start doing is noticing the negative self talk. Once you began to notice how you talk to yourself, you can start to shift it from negative to positive. Notice what you say, think about it, would you ever say this to someone else? Does it pass through the four gates of communication? “Is it kind?” “Is it truthful?” “Is it non- harmful?” “Is now the right time?” I am not sure who to credit with the four gates of communication but we need to apply them to self talk, as well as talking to others. When you say something to yourself like, “you are a lazy”, think about; is it kind? Nope. Is it truthful? If you examine it you will likely find that it is not. You may be depressed, busy, choosing other things to do with your time at that moment, but not really lazy. Is this statement harm free? Can’t pass through this gate either. Negative self talk hurts our self esteem and self worth. There is a lot of harm caused by saying mean things to ourself. As for the final gate, “is it the right time?” , there is never a right time to be mean to ourselves.

As you examine the things you say to yourself, if it can’t pass through even one of these gates, it is time to send yourself a positive message.

It is time to start shifting what we say to ourselves. Start to praise yourself for the things you are doing. Start to notice things to love about yourself. Tell yourself you are proud of you for how hard you’ve worked on a project. Start to notice your attributes, you are a great artist or provide loving care for someone. Begin to tell yourself loving things about how you look. You have great legs. Your nose is really cute. People are drawn to your smile. Every time you notice yourself saying something negative to you, replace it with 2 positive messages. Make a list of all of your skills, positive attributes, and loving kindnesses you share. By making that list you will accomplish two things. Firsts you will see all of the really great things about yourself. If you get stuck, ask friends and family. They will easily and quickly share nice things about you with you. The second thing is that once you have noticed these things and written them down, they will be available for you to pull on to quickly replace the negative self talk. The list will grow and you will replace the way you talk to yourself with loving kindness.

Thank you for reading my blog today.

I wish you a life full of loving kindness, from yourself and others.

Self Care: a series – part 2

In the first blog, in the Self Care series, we talked about the importance of healthy boundaries. Now let’s talk about another aspect of self care, finding time for yourself. It is an important aspect of taking care of yourself but it can seem impossible in the course of our busy days and hectic life. Let’s think about some simple things you can do to take a little time for yourself.
1. Take a walk. (or a jog if you prefer more of a fast pace) It is a great way to get a little time for yourself. The nice thing about this activity is that it is also good for your body. Additionally, it can get those healthy endorphins flowing to help your emotional health too!
2. Work on a creative project. If you are like me you can get lost in doing something artistic. The time and pressure fall away. As the item starts to take form, your stress can also melt away. I enjoy drawing with chalk pastels, making sun catchers with beads and crystals, taking pictures and working with stained glass. There are so many creative things you can do.
3. Read a book. Whether it be poetry, fiction, history, spiritual, or self improvement; books are a nice way to step out of your world for a short period of time and find a little space for yourself. It is something you can pick up for 5 minutes or an afternoon, depending on how much time you have. If you like audio books you can listen to a book while getting something else done. (if it doesn’t require a lot of mental concentration)
4. Take a bath. Baths are underrated in my opinion. I love to soak in a nice hot tub. Bring a nice cup of tea or glass of wine along, light some candles, and put on some soothing music. It can be like a trip to the spa. There is less expense to it and not as much of a time commitment. If you are able to do it right before bed at night, it can help you relax into peaceful slumber, when you crawl beneath the covers.
5. Play with children. Whether it is your child, your nieces, your grandson, or the kid from down the block; taking some time to hang out with a wee one, can be quite refreshing. The smile from a baby, the giggle of a toddler, or the curiosity of the school aged youngster can provide a nice fresh outlook on life. My grandchildren, stepson, and I made fairy gardens yesterday. It was an mystical and imaginative way to spend some time together. Just make sure this one feels fun and is on your terms.
6. Snuggle with your pet. I do not have pets but I respond very well to pet therapy. I say hi to all the dogs when I go on walks. I coax my friend’s cats over to scratch behind their ears. The act of petting an animal has been shown to lower blood pressure. It can be very soothing to spend a few moments with a four legged friend, even if you do not have your own.
7. Meditate. First off, do not ”should” yourself about meditation. I know too many people who get stressed about this, because they feel they “should” be doing it more. Instead, make it like a nice little treat, something you “get to do”. There are so many different ways to meditate, find the one that works best for you.
I am sure you can think of many other little things you can do to give yourself some of “your” time. What is important is that your remember that you deserve it. If you keep giving all of your time to others eventually you will have nothing left to give. Take care of yourself. I worked with a chaplain once, who compared it to when you are in the airplane. They tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, because if you don’t, you will pass out and not be able to put it on the person next to you that really needs your help.

I wish you peaceful moments that are just for you! Thank you for reading my blog today.

Self Care: a series – part 1

As busy people, we often become overwhelmed and feel we do not have time to give to ourself. It is easy to put everyone else’s needs first. Doing things to care for ourselves begins to feel like “luxuries” that we do not think we deserve. After all, all of that other stuff has to get done. Doing something for ourself or taking time for ourself is not necessary. Or is it? Self-care plays an integral role in wellness and is not a luxury. If we do not take care of ourself, we will be there to take care of others.
I have spent much of my life as a director of hospice programs. I asked about self care in interviews, we talked about it in team meetings, and I preached it one on one with my team. Hospice is a job that demands a lot of those called to its vocation. If my team didn’t take care of themselves, they would not have had the stamina to provide our patients and families what they needed as they went through their journey. Having healthy boundaries is a part of that self care. It is import, as a person, to know when to say no or to help someone find another resource to accomplish their need. One of our hospice families may have needed someone to take a dog to the vet. It was important that our team conserved their time and energy for the things only they could do, care for our patient. We would look for a volunteer, family member, or friend who could help get Sparky to his doggy doctor. It is the same in our everyday lives. There are times that people may ask us to help with something and it is wonderful to help people. It gives you a good feeling, that grows in your heart, when you can give someone a hand. When you love someone, you are concerned for their well being and want to make sure their needs are met. The Karma from helping others is really beneficial to us as well. However, if we are trying to meet everyones needs, we will be too drained to do something else that needs to be done. Something that maybe only you can do. Perhaps we are not the best person to help either. Someone else may have better skills to help get that job done than we do.
As you are being pulled in lots of different directions, remember that it is okay to say “no” sometimes. Remember that protecting your boundaries is an important part of self care. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will?

Thank you for reading my blog today. Take care of yourselves, my friends. I wish you a life of healthy boundaries.

10 Steps to Get Stuff Done!

Do you ever have those days that you feel blah and you just have no get up and go. There are plenty of things you could be doing, maybe even things you feel you”should” be doing. How do you push past this and get moving?

1. Allow yourself to rest. Maybe you just need a break. Take some time for yourself. Go sit in the garden with a cup of tea or take a hot bath with a great novel.

2. Make a list. I personally love lists, just ask my kids! I love being able to mark things off. I use an orange pen or highlighter to mark off what is done. Orange is a color that helps you feel productive.

3. Try doing something easy. Once you have a list to work with, pick the small things, so you can mark something off. That way it’s a quick win. You could even put “make list” on the list so you have something to mark off right away.

4. Start with something you enjoy. Sometimes starting with the creative project, or at least a task that seems fun, will help you get up and get moving.

5. Turn on some music! When I have tasks, such as cleaning that do not require a lot of thinking, I like fast paced music played at a higher volume. If I am doing something that I need to concentrate on, I like quiet, more peaceful music. I find it helps me focus to play tunes.

6. Choose a reward. How many things do you need to get done in order to get a treat? Pick smaller rewards for smaller numbers of items completed and have a grand prize at the end of the list. (Although having everything done and off you plate may be reward enough).

7. Clean or organize your space. If you have a clean and organized space to work from, your mind will also be less distracted and cluttered.

8. Stay hydrated. You will feel better and will find your brain is better lubricated. Plus, if you keep sipping on some water, you will have to go to the bathroom which will…

9. Keep you moving and give you little breaks while working to check off your tasks.

10. Celebrate! Hooray you did it! Brag about all you accomplished; post it on social media, tell your friends or celebrate with a family meal at the end of the day.

It is amazing how quickly the momentum can get going and suddenly you will notice you don’t feel so blah any more.

Have fun checking off those tasks my friends. I wish you a life full of completed “to do” lists!

Duality – now you see it now you don’t

Opposites attract we have heard. This is certainly true with the ends of a magnetic while those that are the same push apart. Have you ever spent much time thinking about duality?

Marty and I went dog sledding on Thursday and then flew to Florida for a long weekend. From 7 to 87. Talk about duality! One day I am sledding through the snow and the next walking on the beach. Both are nature, both have a form of water, but the similarities end there. The forest was full of trees the sun was out but the air remained cold. The beach did not have trees, although we walked past some palm trees to get there, sand instead of sun sparkles unfolded the sun.

Realities are all around us. They are in all aspects of life. Hungry – full, male – female, happy – sad, dark – light. Dualities are necessary for us to appreciate the opposite. Because we experience sorrow we can truest appreciate joy. If we always had joy in our life it would be like the air we breath, we would take it for granted.

Whatever we always have we take for granted and it’s specialness wears off. For example – when I went to India we wanted to see a yak – well it wasn’t long when we were seeing yaks on the street and we stopped pointing them out to each other. They were everywhere. Then we wanted to see a monkey. We traveled to an area where the monkeys where plentiful and we would see them in groups in the trees and on top of the buildings. Again, we got used to seeing them. Our brains have a wonderful adaptive nature. We grow accustomed to the world around us. If those things we really enjoy became a constant they would stop being special, like the yak and the monkeys. We need to occasionally have a lack of yaks and monkeys to fully see them through those childlike lenses of awe. This is the purpose of duality. This is the reason why sometimes we must suffer and go without, so that we have an appreciation of the wonders in our life.

What dualities have you noticed in your life? Love and hate? Have and have not? Fact and fiction? I recent competed in a “tall tails” contest in my Toastmasters club. Fabrication does not come natural to me but it was fun to take a hand at it and now I have that to contrast with the factual speeches I give. It was very free to tell a tall tail even though my inner self wanted to keep correcting the information.

Notice the dualities my friends. Wishing you a life of abundance and joy and just enough duality to appreciate it.

What inspires you?

I went to a speech contest for my Toastmaster’s District tonight. There was a wide variety of speeches. Funny tall tales started the night off with great humor. There were passionate speeches, speeches that were serving a mission, and teaching speeches. The speakers were all good, brave, and inspiring. It got me thinking about what is inspiring. What inspired me? What inspires you?

Motivation is an external, temporary high that PUSHES you forward. Inspiration is a sustainable internal glow which PULLS you forward.

~ Thomas Leonard

What is it that makes something inspiring? Why is it when we read or hear some message, we feel that pull to take action. Something inside us resonates with the message. One of the speeches tonight was about running. I have run for fitness and to train for events. I have completed several road races (enough to have a quilt made from the t-shirts) and 3 half marathons. I know the love hate relationship with running. I hate to do it but love to be able to do it. My husband is a kayaker and hiker but has never been much of a runner. I asked him if the speech had the same motivating effect on him. He said that it did make him consider giving it a try. Was the inspirational call to lace up the sneakers more of a call to me, because I know the sound of shoes hitting the pavement in a rhythmic pattern in the still, quiet morning? The feel of runners lined up for a big 5K event with the group excitement carrying everyone across the starting line when the pistol fires, runs in my veins. I have a running playlist on my phone and certain songs that have play during my train times will always be linked to running in my heart. Does all of this predispose me to be inspired by her speech, even though I have not run in a few years?

I want to inspire people to overcome their self limiting beliefs. I want to help people do what they may not; even believe is a possibly for them. Am I more likely to reach those people who have already experienced overcoming their own fears? Those who have moved past their own self doubt in the past, are they the spirits I can reach? I am happy to to inspire all of these people, but I also want to inspire those who have not had that experience before. I want to reach that person who is feeling my messages are for others… who hasn’t tasted success. I want that sneaky inspiration to get beyond their walls and start to pull them out of the darkness. I want them to break the shell they have been in and grow beyond what they thought was impossible. Then I want them to share their stories to inspire others! We have all been there. I was the overweight kid, who had no athletic ability and poor self esteem. Somehow I have become a woman who has roughed it in the boundary waters, ran half marathons, kayaked on the Mississippi, hiked on Mount Reiner, traveled to 18 different countries (so far), and Co-authored 3 books.

I want to inspire you! I want you to feel the pull to do what you think or thought you couldn’t! I want to hear about you blazing trails, taking the trip of a lifetime, and surpassing your dreams! Be inspired fiends and inspire others!

11 ways to Live Life to the fullest

As I write this, it is my birthday. What has happened over the past year?

New grandchild was born•Another grandchild is in a better situation•Traveled to England and saw Stonehenge•Traveled to the Netherlands and saw my grandfathers homeland•Lost my grandmother and a couple of friends•Purchased a boat as a second home in Florida•Had family photos taken with all four children and all four grandchild for the first time ever•Finished renovations on our home•Started renovations on our rental property•Helped my daughters move•Attended a writers workshop and started proposals on, not one, but three books•Started blogging•Traveled to Canada and explored Amethyst mines•Joined Toastmasters and became the club Secretary•Navigated changes in my day job•Began completing my coaching certification•Joined instagram•Had my 1 year wedding anniversary•Formed a deeper more loving relationship with my stepson•Watched as all three of my daughters became even more amazing women•Completed a 5k for charity•Took my stepson and a granddaughter to see the Grand Canyon•Served several holiday meals•Gained ten pounds•Entertained friends•Hosted gatherings to create community•Donated my time to fundraisers, raking leaves for seniors, and my local Buy-Nothing group•Broke my wrist and had surgery to put in a plate to repair it•Went dogsledding for the first time ever•Watched several movies•Cried a little and laughed a lot•Had more than a few glasses of wine•Baked goodies for others•Tried to make the world a brighter place•Listened to my friends and encouraged them when I could•Camped in three different states•Worked hard to be the best wife I can be•Worried about my family and strived to improve my relationships•Read several books•And many more items I cannot even think of right now.

It is amazing how much life can be packed into 365 days. I believe in using everyday to the fullest. We do not know how many breaths we will have in our life. Why waste any of them. I work hard and play harder. Striving to find joy in all aspects of my life, helps keep my focus positive.

It is interesting to reflect on a year. They seem to go by so quickly but when I look back, it has been a glorious year. Full of joy and a little bit of sorrow. The duality of sorrow amongst the joy helps us appreciate the joy. It takes the darkness so we appreciate the light. We need both.

How can we live our life to the fullest between the demands of work, family, and other responsibilities? Make them fun! Find the joy!

Talk. During a family meal, pose a question to get a conversation going. “What did you learn today? What kindness did you witness, what was the most interesting part of your day? What do you hope to accomplish is year?”

Plan a trip. It does not have to be a month long cruise around the world, although it can if that is accessible to you. Take a day trip to a nearby town to explore. Go camping in a state park. Plan a family get away to a historic part of the country or go on a romantic weekend retreat with your love. Whatever kind of trip is right for you, it’ll give you a break from the routine. It refreshes you and gives you a pause, to enjoy.

Get outside. Go for a walk; feel the sun on your face, hike, run, play, sled, whatever is enjoyable to you.

Laugh. Find the joy in life and share it. One of my Yogi friends is passionate about her mantra: “Feel joy and share it!” It is a beautiful sediment!

Accept yourself Be kind to your self, love yourself as is. If you want to work on things about yourself, fine, but know you are perfect just as you are.

Notice the positive things A beautiful tulip in the spring, pretty snow in the winter, a child laughing, the hug of a loved one, a delicious fresh and healthy meal. There are always positive things to be grateful for.

Play. Work is important, it gives us purpose and allows for money to pay for our life, but play is important too. Whether it is paint night with your friends, hopscotch with your child, or bowling with your league, playing is an important part of living life. Just because we grow into adulthood does not mean we should stop playing.

Love. Love your family, friends, furrbabies, coworkers, neighbors, strangers walking down the street; allow that love to flow from you to others, even if you only share a smile with that person.

Create. Create art, community, recipes, games, whatever gets your creative juices flowing. Children create works of art, games, even imaginary worlds. Just because we grow older, does not mean we should stop.

Share Share stories, thoughts, or journal, even if this means just sharing with yourself.

Learn. Learning should never stop. We can learn formally from classes and seminars, but we can also learn informally from others, watching interesting programs, taking tours, or looking things up in books or on the internet. Learning things enriches our life and helps us grow.

I am wishing you a life full of joy! Thank you for reading my blog today!

“What if I fall?’, Tim cried. Maerlyn laughed. ‘Sooner or later, we all do.” ~Stephen King, The Wind Through the Keyhole

“What if I fall?’, Tim cried.  Maerlyn laughed. ‘Sooner or later, we all do.”  ~Stephen King, The Wind Through the Keyhole