My friend and I created the School of Illumination, beginning with a six-month foundation to prepare participants for deep shadow work. The advanced training, Shadow Song: A Journey Into Illumination, invites students to dig deep, study themselves, and confront the shadow.
As we guide participants through the next 12 months, I’ve decided to journey alongside them. I’m choosing to put myself first, engage fully in the coursework, and once again face my own shadow. It’s important to me to become the best version of myself I can be.
The work includes daily meditation, journal prompts, and homework activities between our monthly classes. Our first journal prompt this month focused on resistance. As I reflected, I noticed something: I’ve been resisting sitting still to meditate each day.
Throughout my life, I’ve had a steady meditation practice — sometimes even twice a day — yet I feel resistance to simply being still and quiet. I teach walking meditation, and the Kundalini yoga I love combines chanting and movement with meditation, but even these practices have fallen away lately. Hmm… what is this about?
As I prepared to meditate today, I caught myself wanting to blow my nose, clean my ears, brush my hair. Was I distracting myself with little tasks to avoid the stillness, or were these small acts part of settling into my body before I got quiet?
While journaling about this resistance, I asked my wise higher self for guidance. I was reminded of a tool we shared with our students: box breath. This simple pattern — inhale for a count of five, hold for five, exhale for five, hold out for five, then repeat — can help calm the mind and body. I decided to use box breathing as I meditated today. It worked.
At first, I kept my attention occupied by counting, breathing, and holding. As my meditation deepened, I lengthened the counts to ten, drawing my breath more fully into my body. A calm, slow rhythm emerged.
Eventually, I stopped counting. My breath continued in the same pattern, but my awareness opened to the world around me: the rustling of leaves, a distant dog barking, birds chirping, the steady song of insects. The wind moved through the trees like the breathing of the earth. Occasionally, wind chimes sang, and I felt part of it all.
I’m grateful I worked through my resistance and allowed myself this moment of connection. I’m grateful for the peace I felt afterward, and for showing up for myself despite hesitation. Will this completely dissolve my resistance? I don’t know — but I’ve found a tool to help me meet it with curiosity and move forward.
Last November, I traveled to Costa Rica for a yoga retreat. We practiced a lot of yoga. We meditated, connected in community, ate incredible vegetarian meals, and attended enriching classes.
One of my favorite questions to ask people during an event or vacation is: “Tell me about your favorite moment so far…” It’s such a beautiful way to reflect on an experience. It also helps you learn what truly moves your friends and family—what they value most.
Today, I want to share one of my favorite moments from this retreat.
Our instructor, Tommy, guided us into a profound meditation. When it ended, we quietly rose and walked down to the ocean, still in silence. We sat together on the sand, watching the day slip away into the Pacific. Then, as the sun neared the horizon, we waded into the ocean—still meditating—as the sunset painted the world around us.
There were about 80 of us, and the scene reminded me of the 1998 film City of Angels, where angels gather at the coast in reverent silence. That’s exactly how it felt—silent, yet deeply connected in community.
I’ve witnessed countless coastal sunrises and sunsets—on cruise ships, sandy beaches, and balconies—but never from within the water itself. That day was different. Being fully present in meditation made it extraordinary. The push and pull of the waves against my body anchored me in the moment. The only sounds were the rhythm of the ocean and the occasional call of a bird. I was surrounded by others, yet I felt completely alone—in the best way.
The sky bloomed with vivid color, spilling onto the few clouds drifting above. The waves became dark silhouettes edged with glowing orange and purple light. Countless black pyramids rose and fell before me, their sides shimmering with the last fire of the day. It was breathtaking—alive and electric with beauty.
At 52, I was amazed to discover a whole new perspective on something so familiar. That sunset, that ocean, that stillness—it shifted something in me.
I am profoundly grateful for this experience, for the community that shared it with me, for the family and friends who encouraged me to put myself first and take this journey, and for the life that continues to gift me these small miracles.
As the wind blows away the dust of who I have been, what are the parts of my life I want to remember?
I want to remember who I am when I walk in nature. I want to feel the wind blowing through my hair, the sun warming my skin, and the grass beneath my feet. I want to remember how the sounds and scents of the natural world make me feel connected, whole, and at home. I want to hold on to the beauty I’ve witnessed—the vivid color of the sky, a single leaf, an eagle soaring overhead, the remarkable shapes of mushrooms growing on a fallen tree. These sights fill me with awe.
I want to remember the love I carry for the people who have shared this life with me. I want to remember to forgive—both myself and others—because life is messy. We are all stumbling through as best we can. I want to remember that it is okay to set boundaries and love people from afar. I want to show up each day with love, in spite of my flaws or theirs. I want to remember that everything happens for a reason, even when the reason is unclear. My responsibility is my own healing. It is not my job to heal others or to decide if they need healing—that is their journey.
I want to remember the love of my grandparents, and the love I hold for my grandchildren. Why does the separation of a generation seem to intensify relationships? My bond with my grandchildren feels so different from what I had with my children—not better, not purer, just different. The same is true of the love I felt from my grandparents; so very different from my parents. Now, as I walk this path without any grandparents in physical form and step fully into that role myself, I hope that long after I am gone, my grandchildren will feel my love—helping, guiding, and supporting them in ways I cannot do today.
Do I want to remember my journey through this lifetime? Are the occurrences and experiences important to my story? Every page I have turned along this path has shaped me, drawing me closer to the truest version of myself. I understand who I am today in a way I never did in childhood, or in my twenties, thirties, or even forties. The missteps and stumbles, the masks and roles, the passions and goals—all of these have been essential to discovering Stacy.When faced with the question, “What do I want to remember?” I think the answer is simple: I want to remember who I am.
The second BWCA was the one where we conquered Billy Goat Portage along with 4 other portages. It was a grueling trek in. We got in and were fatigued physically and mentally from the work of getting in. We stayed up to see the full moon but even this seemed like a lot of effort because of our fatigue. We went to bed that night and I thought we would sleep very very well. I was so wrong. It is normal for me to not sleep well the first night. The ground is hard; the outfitter provides us sleeping pads but they are less than an inch thick and really not much of an improvement from the ground.
Another reason for impaired sleep is the noises of the forest. Emy and I love to be in the forest but the noises are so different then what we hear at home it is always a little tricky to block it out and sleep that first night. I did start bringing a battery operated fan the 2nd year. This did help to block out the noises of the night. I am telling you if we could figure out how to make the kitchen sink fit we would have packed that sucker in too.
I woke up in the middle of the night. I am not sure what woke me or why I woke. I turned and noticed that Emy’s sleeping bag was empty. This made me nervous! Where was she? Had she been eaten by a bear? Was she okay? Was she sleep walking off to the land of Rumpelstiltskin? I had never woken in the middle of the night to find her space empty before. I put my hand down to push myself up and it splashed into a puddle. UGH! Wet Tent! Unfortunately, I had not put my clothes back into my waterproof bag before bed. Darn darn darn, wet clothes too. I made my way out of the cocoon like sleeping bag, and navigated myself out of the soggy tent.
It was raining outside. Emy had brought solar lights in this year and the moon was full and seemed to light the night even through the cloud cover. It was easy to see that Emy was not near our “kitchen” around the cooking grate. I did not see her sitting near the beach. The camp chairs were empty. I was going to have to look a little harder to find her. My anxiety was increasing now. Where could she be? Although the day had been warm, the night was chilly. I rounded the trees and headed toward our “bedroom” where we had put the cots up under a tarp.
It was there that I found my poor little soul sister. She sat on one of the cots, exhausted, wet, cold, and all together miserable. “Hi”, I said as I settled myself on the opposite cot. Emy explained to me that she had awoken in a puddle and come out here. It was easy to see she was not doing well. I cannot stress enough what a physical battle it had been getting in that year. We were sore everywhere and I am sure that we had completely depleted the little bit of food we had eaten the day before and probably our caloric intake from a few days before had been burned through.
Emy and I have a gift for feeling other people’s energy. We are especially good at feeling each other’s energy. Emy’s energy was not feeling good at all and in fact it felt like she was on the verge of really getting quite sick. I hated seeing this lovely soul feeling so miserable; having someone in the Boundary Waters who is not in good health (especially my dear friend) is not something I was wanting to deal with.
I set to work to get a fires started. I piled up some wood near the end of the cots. I hunted for some dry kindling and got everything stacked up. I worked at it until I managed to get a small fire burning to get rid of some of the chill. It was not an easy task since all of the wood was wet. Persistence pays off in the Boundary Waters, also I knew a few tricks. I used a little of the cooking oil we had packed in and poured it over the top of the wood. It was enough to burn away some of the moisture.
Now that the fire was combating the cool air I thought about what should happen next. Well “First” breakfast of course. We are both up and, although it is likely still not at all anywhere close to day break; we need the nutrition to replenish our bodies. So I gaily announced to Emy that I was going to make us hot tea and breakfast. I am a morning person. I must always remember that not everyone is a morning person. I wake up happy and motivated. I am chatty in the morning, and for my own self-preservation, I try and remember that not everyone is like me.
Non-morning people can really be annoyed by my morning bubbliness; can you imagine that? I went down to the lake to scoop us up some oh so not tasty water. I brought the two propane cook stoves over by the cots and got the water started on one. On the other I put a fry pan and started sautéing some of the peppers and onions that Emy had chopped up prior to us coming in. I so appreciated all the thought she put into our food. She would get fresh organic fruits and veggies and have them all cleaned and chopped up and ready for us to pack in.
Emy was still looking quite miserable. “You have got to get out of those wet clothes” I gently suggested. “Do you have anything that is dry?” I asked her. “I am not sure” she grunted in misery. “Go and try to find something, you will feel better if you are not wet”. I pushed, carefully. It is a fine balance when we are out in the wilderness together to allow each other independence, as we are both strong willed, independent women, but also caring for each other.
We love each other and both have a healthy respect for one another. Experiencing the things we do together on these BWCA Adventures brings up a lot of emotions and we also needed to allow space for us each to process whatever emotions we need to process. Because of this mutual love and respect, no matter what we have faced while in the Boundary Waters, we have never fought. Emy set off in search of warm clothes. I continued to cook us breakfast. Emy came back with dry clothes on. I gave her a cup of hot tea and a plate of potatoes and eggs with sautéed veggies scrambled into them. We ate, drank tea, and got warm inside and out.
The warmth of the fire, the warm food, and tea in our tummies started to make us sleepy. We then used an item I brought in on the first BWCA but had not used until this day. After this day it’s one of the items I would recommend everyone bring in with them when going on a BWCA adventure. An emergency blanket. It is a funny item and really is more of a trap that is red on one side and silver on the other. It even has rivet holes around the edges. I added wood to the fire to keep it going. I pushed my cot closer to Emy’s and covered us up with the “emergency blanket”.
This was defiantly and emergency, our sleeping bags wet, our tent full of puddles, and it still the middle of the night. When we were packing the cots in, I thought they were the worst idea, big, bulky and heavy; in this moment they were the most wonderful item I could think of. The plastic of the emergency blanket rustled and rattled with every little movement Emy and I made, but joyously we slept, anyway. We got the rest we needed to recover from our journey in, or at least start to recover. It took us pretty much until our trek back out to fully recover.
When we woke again it really was morning. The rain had past, thank goodness! We set to work stringing ropes all over camp to hang sleeping bags, clothes, and towels to dry. After “second” breakfast, of course! Here are a couple of hints; keep you clothes inside their waterproof bag and pitch your tent on the high spot in camp. One more hint, take this trip with a friend that you love like a sister. You will need this love to get you through the more challenging moments. When Emy and I talked about this experience at a later time, she said she was so miserable in the moment she could not even think to figure out how to get to a less negative state. Luckily Emy and I balance each other quite nicely and she supports me when I am low and vice versa, after all we are the Adventure Sisters.
We first name ourselves the Adventure Sisters at the end of our first BWCA adventure. We were sad to be leaving such a beautiful and peaceful place. As we were cleaning up our campground and following the “leave no trace” standard we realized we had extra wood. Fire wood in the forest is plentiful but not always easy to come by. Nature does not deliver it to your door in neatly cut manageable lengths. Emy is a wizard with the hand saw the outfitter provides. My legs are strong; I enjoy hiking, cycling, and running. Emy gardens and moves dirt, lots of dirt, with a shovel alone. Also being a massage therapist she moves muscle. Her upper body strength is nothing to take for granted. I tried to do my share of the sawing but it quickly became apparent that making tea and hauling wood back to camp were my talents.
Anyway, at the end of year number one we had a few of Emy’s finely sawed logs left over. We discussed how nice it would be for the next people who used the sight. We leaned them up against a tree. “Let’s leave a note”, one of us suggested. Of course the other whole heartedly agreed. We wrote a note about the beauty of this place and how it had affected us. We asked whoever stayed in the campsite after us; protect the beauty and the sanctity of this amazing place. We signed it, “The Adventure Sisters”.
The note was placed in a plastic bag with a couple of tea bags and fastened to the logs. We have always wondered who found the note and did it make a difference in their life? We hope so. Inspiring and caring for others in this life, is what makes life worth living, in my opinion. There are so many ways to inspire and care for others. It can be a kind word or a smile, a little bit of advice, or just being there for someone who is facing a time in their life when they are miserable. Kindness goes such a long way and it is such an easy thing to share. Smile at each other, be kind to each other, and watch the world change!
When my friend Emy showed me a GroupOn for a 3 day 2 night canoe trip, it sounded so fun. This was early in April 2013. We talked about and decided against it; but, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It kept floating into my mind. I would push it away and remind myself that we decided we couldn’t or wouldn’t do it; still it nagged on. It was late on the last day of the GroupOn and somehow I still could not get past the feeling that this was something I needed to do. I impulsively bought 2 GroupOns; one for me and one for Emy. I hoped she would be okay with it; I hoped that those past reservations would be lifted and she would agree to go with me. I messaged her the next day and told her what I had done, and I waited somewhat anxiously for her reply.
Gratefully her reply was a resounding “YIPPY”. I had no idea how this one impulsive purchase was going to change my life and change me. The fun was reason enough to keep going on our Boundary Water Canoe Area (BWCA) adventures; the personal growth was the cherry on top.
Emy and I experienced so much personal growth, even the first year we talked about leading other women on similar adventures. It was during the 3rd year that the idea of writing a book together was first born. We have both always felt that there is a book inside of us. I do not know all these years later if having a published book is in the cards for me. I am open to it not being part of my future. I am working to live in the flow with life and allowing Spirit to work through me and guide me on whatever path that may be. Together Emy and I wrote three books from our BWCA adventures. Spirit has been guiding me to share the installments I wrote on my blog. When I shared this idea with Emy, she was on board. It has taken a couple years to get from the idea to the actual re-reading and revising the chapters into blogs. Emy shared with me how much more complete the various writings seem when we can look at them with new eyes several years later. The first trip took place in 2013 and the writing about it came a couple years later.
In the past I struggled with what to write about. I wanted it to be fun and uplifting. As a Hospice Nurse, I have learned that life is way too short to not have fun. I also want to inspire people. We are all capable of such great things! Too often, in life, we get messages that diminish our expansiveness and capabilities. Emy and I want to help you find that expansiveness and capabilities within yourself. This idea came to us, as all great ideas do, out of the blue. We were sitting around the campfire or the cook stove (I don’t remember which exactly); on the 2nd day of the 3rd year it just popped out of Emy’s mouth. Telling her, “I like the way you think”, had been a theme the third year and once again I told her this.
Over the rest of our 3rd year Adventure we started planning and jotting down stories that were fun and/or inspiring. The birth of an idea is such a wonderful thing. From the initial conception, through the gestation, into the labor of making it a reality, until out pops the “baby” which has taken so much of your time and effort. It is a beautiful process.
As I started this creative effort, I spent time contemplating where to start. Is it the story of “Release the Worms” or the personal journey of getting to what “Lessons through Joy” really means. In the end I decided, the intention behind these writings was where I must start. If I want you to you spend your very valuable time reading what we have written, the very most important thing is to let you know, we have written this because we want to share with you our amazing journey, in hopes of inspiring you to take your own leap of faith and find out who you really are and what you are capable of.
It is important to let you know that we are not some kind of “experts” with a theory of what you must follow if you want to be happy. We are two ordinary women, with very different lives, who magically came together. We made many mistakes on this journey. Many! We learned through our mistakes and became better people for them. We have experienced so much fun and growth and we want to inspire you to find fun and growth in your life. We want to share with you the stories of our experiences. We want to inspire you to go have adventures of your own. We want to share our laughter, our contemplations, and our tears, in hopes that it will enrich your life in some way. We want to help you find the magic that is all around us in our everyday lives. It is there, I assure you. You only have to look for it.
During our relationship, Emy and I have shared: fun, setbacks, growth, struggle, silliness, more than a few bottles of wine, and supported each other through good and bad. We do not always see eye to eye, but we have a healthy respect for one another and each other’s opinions. We have had these amazing adventures which have helped us become better people than we were prior to our first adventure. “Better people” sounds like such a judgement; I want to be clear that I judge myself not against other people. I am not this “high and mighty” person who thinks I am so much better then someone else. The only person I can compare myself to, is the person I was previously. Personal growth and being the best Stacy I can be is at the core of who I am. It even shows up in my astrology.
We are all in our own separate place on this journey through life. I am where I am. You are where you are. If you are reading this, and you feel inspired to level up, that is great. If you feel compelled to carry on as you are, that’s great too. I wish happiness, lessons through joy, and dreams come true for you. You get to decide what is right for you and when you feel a call, you get to decide if you want to follow it or not. No judgement and no “shoulding”.
The idea of “Level up” was born during the second BWCA. It was on a rainy day sitting in our “bedroom”. So many of the really great things that happened, happened on rainy days. Life is really funny like that, isn’t it? Who wouldn’t want sunshine on vacation, right? Especially when you are extreme “roughing it” camping. These trips would not have had the same richness without the rain. Not only does the “rain” in life help you appreciate the “sunshine”, but also it is a catalyst for growth. Those days in life that we really wish wouldn’t have happen spurred us on. They make us reach for the next rung on the ladder.
The second year we decided we would like some comfort on our trip so we packed in cots. After a daunting trip in, we set up our tent and went to put up our luxury item, the cots. They didn’t fit in the tent. Emy and are not women who will be defeated. We had an extremely spacious campsite that year. Space is something there is a lot of in the Boundary Waters (BW). There was a little clearing in the woods not too far from where we put our tent. We strung a tarp from the trees, (rope, budgie cords, and zip ties are some of our best friends on these adventures), and set up our cots underneath. This became known as our bedroom for this trip. When it rained one whole day that year, we passed the day sitting on the cots and talking like two little girls at a slumber party. It was on this rainy day slumber party that we came up with the idea of “Level up”.
“Level up” is like when you are playing a video game and you complete the current level. Obviously you are capable of the challenges that particular level of the game had to offer. To keep you challenged and interested in the game, the game’s creator gives you a more challenging level. This is the meat and potatoes of “Level up”. In life as we rise to the occasions that come across our path we gain tools in our tool box to deal with these types of challenges.
Think back to when you first did something. I traveled a lot in the course of my job so let’s use that as an example. The first time I flew somewhere alone was challenging and intimidating for me. I was nervous about going through security, and what I could and couldn’t pack in my bags. Navigating my way through the airports and the stress of making my connecting flight caused me to break out in sweats. I would fly alone once or twice a year for personal reasons and slowly I started to level up. I became more confident and less intimidated by the process. Once I started traveling for work and was flying 2 days a week, I became very confident with my “skills” in this area. Airports no longer intimidate me. I breeze through security with a cheerful greeting to the TSA agents. I however have only traveled overseas a few times. International travel still holds some of the anxiety for me that domestic travel did initially. I have leveled up in this area; I have certainly not completed the game.
The challenges we face in life help us to level up. For Emy and me, the BWCAs were a process of leveling up every year. Things that we did for the first time the first year, by the third year we were taking for granted. Leveling up can happen in a very ordinary way like the first time Emy and I had to wash dishes in a lake. By the 3rd BWCA we did not even consider this a challenge. We simply would head to the shore with our scrubby pad and environmentally friendly soap and squat down and wash our dishes. This leveling up continued when we learned that was not the best way to wash your dishes and it is better to wash in a pan and let the ground filter the grey water before it gets to the lake. It was a continual process of learning. Leveling up also happens emotionally and psychologically. The first year we had a lot of anxiety about being out in the wilderness, 2 women alone. By the 2nd year we were increasing our length of trip from 2 nights to 4 nights. We became more confident in our inner strength and determination.
During our BWCAs we would have breakthroughs and process past experiences. We hope that in some way, big or small, these writings will inspire you to go out on a limb and try something new; or even, just look at the things in your life in a new way. This is why we have gone through the gestation and labor of these writings, our baby. We hope you will enjoy it. It is our deepest wish that your life is enriched by our adventures.
I have been learning a lot about habit formation lately. It seems like it may be the key for me in putting my self-care and healthy habits front and center. Although, it may not seem to make sense, I am learning that some flexibility is required when creating habits. Let me explain what I mean.
A couple of the habits I am working on are daily meditation and daily physical activity. When it comes to my meditation practice, it has come along pretty easily, this time. Past attempts have not been as successful. I believe this to what I have learned about habit formation.
From my understanding there are 3 main parts to a habit. The trigger, the habit, and the reward. The trigger is the thing that lets your subconscious know it is time to do the habit. The reward is what you get for preforming the habit. When it comes to my meditation habit, my trigger is when I wake up in the morning. I go to my designated meditation space, light my meditation candle (a reward) and mediate for 20 minutes. At the end of my mediation, I track my mediation in my Adidas running app. (Side note: I love this app, it will track all kinds of activities and allows for live tracking as well as manual entries.) Tracking my meditation in the app is my reward. From what I have learned instant rewards are best. If we have to wait too long for a reward our brains won’t associate them with the habit.
So where does flexibility fit in? In order to create a habit you must do it consistently. I can’t say, “I don’t feel well” or “conditions are not perfect”, I have to find a way to get it done. For example: when I travel for work, I do not have my designated space or my candle with me. I have to allow for flexibility in my practice. I meditate with out theses things.
As I have mentioned in previous blogs I am working towards running a 5k. I am using the C25K app from Zenlabs. I love this app! It works great. I prefer to run outside. The fresh air and beautiful scenery are a part of my reward for running. This past week it has been cold and icy. I have severe osteoporosis and can’t afford to slip and fall on the ice. This past week I had to do my running on a treadmill. Running on a treadmill and running outside are not even close to the same experience. I am dedicated to creating a habit of daily activity and training towards the more far off reward of running a 5k again. I have to allow for the flexibility of running inside on a treadmill some days.
Another thing I have learned about habits, is that they are easier when stacked, habit on top on habit. For example: trigger – I wake up, habit – mediation, habit – run or yoga, habit – shower, habit – brush teeth, and then it is time to go to work. By stacking habits I am gaining momentum from things that I am doing anyway. When I choose a hike as my daily activity, I can’t get that done in the morning before work. It has to wait till the workday is done. I can not benefit from my morning habit stack. In this way, I must also allow for flexibility that on the days I am going to hike, it will not happen at the same time as my running or yoga will.
What healthy or self-care activities would you like to add to your life? What existing habits could you stack them onto? Where can you see the need for flexibility and grace in you habit formation? What will you choose as rewards?
Thank you for reading my blog today! May you develop many helpful habits that support you taking care of yourself.
With today’s social media it is easy to see what is going on with friends, family, acquaintances, and even total strangers. It is so easy to look at what everyone else is doing and feel discouraged about your own progress. How we judge our progress, our life, our success, or our value needs to be compared only to what we did in the past up to now. If we are making progress by our own measures, against our own past performance, or even according to our own goals, then we are a success. We will always do better than some and not as well as others.
My husband and I joined a Spring Fling Trail Challenge. The goal is to hike 75 miles from March through May. With this there is a Facebook page for everyone to post and share their hikes. People all over the United States have been excitedly showing their progress. People are posting that they just did a “short” 4.5 mile hike. There are a lot of people who are sharing 7+ mile hikes. Some post only pictures and no mileage and still other are posting hikes just over a mile. It is easy to understand how those who are clocking shorter hikes could feel less successful than those who are marching away on much longer treks. In light of this the only person any of us should be comparing ourselves too, is ourself. It is the only true gauge of our progress or success.
What really matters for Marty and I is that we are getting outside and enjoying the beauty of nature. The challenge keeps us motivated to get out there. We are improving our bodies strength and endurance with each hiking trail we complete and we are getting to see some of the most beautiful scenery. The State Parks near us look very different in the snow, then they did in the bright light of summer. Slowly but surely we are making gains. In December we didn’t hiking. January we only did 3 hikes with less than 3 miles logged. February, we got out there 15 times for almost 20 miles. Now in March, 5 hikes has us just under 7.5 miles. We could compare ourselves to those individuals who have done in one hike, what it took us 5, or we could look at how much we have progressed since December and celebrate our success. We’ll celebrate us.
Another thing to look at, with all of this, is the amount of effort. A hike along a flat clear trail, is not the same as a hike with multiple elevation changes and rough terrain. This is true of all areas of your life where you may be making progress. Everyone is different and just looking at one aspect of something, like mileage, does not tell the whole story when it comes to effort put forth. If my goal was to cook a homemade lasagna dinner, that is great. Though there are many of things that play into this. Is homemade, to you, defined as putting it from the freezer into your oven at home? Is it using boxed noodles and sauce and assembling at home? Are you making the sauce by simmering it for hours? What about the noodles, homemade or store bought? Did you raise the meat and vegetables? You see that not all home cooked lasagna meals are created equal. Also, if I have been making lasagna for 30 years the effort for me will not be the same as someone who has only cooked a few things from scratch. This is why it is important to only judge your improvement based on yourself. Otherwise the comparison is just not fair. Have you seen the posts on social media of the cool looking cakes and then someone posts what theirs turned out like when they tried to make it? It wasn’t an apples to apples comparison because the original cake maker has likely made hundreds of cute cakes.
There will always be someone able to do more, have more, have a better life, be more fit, have a more seemingly glamorous career. It is important to remember the things we see on social media are snapshots in time. They do not tell us the whole story about someone else’s journey through life. Trying to compare our life against theirs is not fair to us or them. It is not a good measure of the progress we are making and have made. It does not help our happiness. A wise young woman shared with me that she decided to leave social media and since doing so she is so much happier. She is no longer inundated with everyones perfect appearing lives.
You are amazing! You make progress and grow everyday. Look at where you were last week, last month, 3 years ago! There may be areas of your life where you have lost some ground, but that is okay. It means there are areas of opportunity for improvement. What are the areas you want to improve? Take small bites at progress towards your outcomes, it makes for an easier time. Pick one area or maybe a few small areas, look realistically at where you are, were you have been and then where you want to go. Then set a realistic goal. For example, it is realistic that I can hike 75 miles between March first and the end of May. It would not be realistic for me to log 15 miles of hiking every weekend, although that is perfectly realistic for others. So your goal needs to fit you.
Know yourself, be true to yourself, and judge yourself on your own progress and no one else. Be proud of where you are, compared to where you have been. Set realistic goals for yourself. Remember that 3 steps forward and 2 steps back is still a step ahead of where you were. Slow and steady wins the race. You can do this. The only race that is worth it in the end is the race against your self. Your journey does not need to look like anyone else’s. Your journey is your journey. Be proud of your progress! Share it on social media if you like, because it is something to be proud of. Share and celebrate other peoples’ success! What a beautiful world it is when we all celebrate each other but not judge ourself against them. A rose and a daisy are both beautiful flowers. No point in comparing them. Just enjoy the beauty of each of them doing their own thing.
Thank you for reading my blog today. May you have many successes to celebrate, that feel good to you. Your success is for you and you alone.
This morning as I started my run, the song This Is Me from the Greatest Showman soundtrack played. As I ran along the rural Wisconsin roads, in the cool 17 degree weather, I realized how scary it is to be blogging very publicly and running. How childhood trauma of other children making fun of me, as children will do to one another, still effects me as adult. In the deep recesses of my mind,where I put what i don’t want to acknowledge, it is still there. I turn 50 this month. My healthcare professional would label me as obese. Do I have any right to be out here running into the sunrise? I came to the realization that I still fear being judged for the choices I make. As my legs carried me along the rolling Wisconsin hills, I realized that a lot of people feel this same way.
Do you filter who you are to fit in with society at large? Do you express yourself as less than authentic in order to not stand out from the crowd? You do not need permission to be your truest self. But… if you would like permission, I give it to you. Your special form of “you” may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it does not need to be. If people read my blog and judge my words or even my right to be putting myself out there, it matters not. What does matter is that I show up for myself. I keep putting one foot in front of the other on my runs, despite my age or my weight. My actions in this life are for me alone. When I show up for myself I show myself that I matter and that I am worthy of living the life of my dreams.
This morning was only my second morning running, after years of believing I couldn’t run anymore. The C25K program includes a walk/run algorithm to help you slowly increase your endurance. I am very early in the program; about 22-26 runs remain to bring me to successful completion of a 5K. It is the journey that is important. This running journey has me feeling amazing! I smile more. I feel completely unstoppable. I feel radiant. Where I am running there is a good size hill that hits early on in the run. It is intimidating and I freaking love it. By the time I am cresting the top of the hill I know I will complete todays run, because the hardest part is behind me.
When I slip into my sneakers and secure my knee brace, I am doing it for me. I am doing it because I want to show up for me. I saw running as something I was doing for my physical health. As I dip my toe back into the running waters, I realize that for me, running is for my emotional health. Once the run is done I am glowing.
That glow has an amazing side effect. It is contagious! I see how my elevated mood effects those around me. My exuberance for life rubs off on my friends and family. Even my co-workers get caught up in it, even if they don’t know what they are caught up in. The affects goes beyond that. My work days have been more productive, passing with ease, flow, and contentment. All of this because I won’t let the naysayers in the dark corners of my mind talk me out of my self-care goals.
How easy it would have been to tell myself I was too old, or my knees too bad and talk myself out of this. I could have put it off until I lost some weight or the weather was better. I could have made up excuses about being to busy or needing better shoes. No one would have faulted me for any of these things. They would have agreed with me and nodded, feeling supportive. All of those things, for me, would have been giving in to the childhood taunts and fears. Isn’t it interesting that we have fears we don’t even know about or acknowledge? If asked, I would have said I don’t have fears related to being judged by others. I believed I had proceed and move beyond any childhood teasing. When you consider things you have wanted to do, but talked yourself out of, can you trace it back to a fear?
It is worth exploring what might be holding you back from setting off towards your dreams. When those fears are brought out of the mists, in which they hid, into the bright light of day, you can see them for what they are. They don’t necessarily slip away. It still takes a concerted effort to push beyond them, but at least I know what I am pushing beyond. It does not matters what anyone thinks of me, past or present. The mean kids in life reflect on themselves, not me, with any judgement they may pass. Why would I make myself small in fear of their judgement? If I had, I would have missed out on this feeling of invincibility. I would not have felt this glow that started in my solar plexus and spread golden light all throughout me, until it was spilling out into the world around me.
I get that running is not for everyone. This same truth holds true for whatever is calling to you. Painting, yoga, writing poetry, cooking, body building, collecting stamps, rebuilding motors, growing vegetables, raising fainting goats, it doesn’t matter what it is or if it makes sense to someone else. What matters is that it lights you up. You feel like “you” when you are doing it. Your glow will rub off on those around you. My grandmother was the type of woman who walked into a room and it lit up. I have always aspired to be like her in that. When I run, I am.
After my run this morning I texted a friend letting her know how ama-za-zing I was feeling. She told me she was so glad to experience me feeling great again after having been down for so long. Talk about a serious blind spot. I had no idea I had been “down”. Apparently those around me knew.
I enjoy being a bright and shiny, positive, being. I delight in the emotional zeal for life that courses through me. After a run, I look forward to writing a blog to share my morning’s insights. My vibration is higher, raising the vibration of those around me. For all of these reason I will run on. I am having the time of my life learning to take care of me. Who knew it could be so fun? Life looks rosy and I can’t wait to see how amazing my 50s will be!
Thank you for reading my blog today. May you find that thing that lights you up and do it, no matter what anyone else thinks! I love you.
I had claimed 2020 as my year of health. Ironically COVID hit the US that year as it continued to expand across the planet. I ended up working on shadow aspects of myself. My health took a back burner. Over the next two years, COVID became my scape goat for everything. My health deteriorated and my self-care was virtually nonexistent. 2022 has become the year I will reclaim my health. Let me share with you how.
In 2022 I felt a new found hope. Simultaneously various self-care activities started to drift into my consciousness. I came to a deeper understanding of how taking care of myself, really and truly, allows me to be a better wife, mother, grandmother, friend, coworker and employee. Some personal medical health concerns along with a desire to be a better version of myself have driven me to really strive to take care of me and lovingly put my health first. When I say health, I am not just speaking about my physical being. I am talking about true mind, body, and spirit health. I have also include the component of financial health into that overall wellness. Anyone who has had financial difficulties understands how that can affect overall health. I have healthy initiatives well underway in all these realms. Most started to slowly pop into practice the end of January and throughout February. Now as March begins, I feel I am well on my way to reclaiming my year of health and overall wellness.
So, what am I doing? First let’s talk about financial wellness. I started budgeting and using the phrase, “It is not in the budget” to decrease unnecessary spending. This works well because I am not putting energy toward whether or not I can afford it. It is simply something I chose not to put in my budget this month. Doing this relieves the stress or feelings that I can’t have it in the future, because I can choose to put it in next months budget, if I still want it at that time. The budget becomes a negotiation between my husband and myself. It really helps us prevent wasteful spending and relieves so much stress.
For my body wellness I have a couple things going. First, since I have been diagnosed with severe osteoporosis, I am following the advise of my healthcare providers. I am taking my prescribed medication and supplements. I am attending follow up appointments and getting lab work as ordered. Because my weight has crept up over the last few years I am working to bring that under control. After reading a couple of books, Atomic Habits by James Clear and Healthy as F*ck by Oonagh Duncan, I came to the understanding that habits could really help me cement my health and overall wellness goals. So I heroically set off on a journey of habit formation. I am using the habit setting in many areas, but specifically in relation to my body; my husband and I are doing intermittent fasting. This works well for our weight loss and allows it to be slow and steady. We start our fast after supper (which we try to eat by 6pm) until around 10am the next day. The goal is 16 hours of fasting. Because we are looking at overall wellness, we do not get stressed if life happens and we eat supper at 7:30pm. We simply start our fast after that and carry on. The other things we are doing is focusing on eating a lot of veggies. Oonagh Duncan in her book advocates for half of your plate in veggies. Some meals; almost our whole plate is veggies, other meals we are adding extra veggies to what we would ordinarily have ate. Once again, this is not about perfections. Which brings us to our emotional wellbeing.
I ask for grace. I know I am not a perfect person, so I must understand that my initiatives will also not be perfect. In the past I have tried to over do it. If 30 minutes is good than 60 minutes is great. I would burn out on what I was doing. Now, I am allowing myself the Grace to do the program as written and not having to over do it or try to out think it. This morning I started the C25K program. This is a running program that gets you from the couch to a 5K in 8-9 weeks. I am using the app by Zenlabs and it works really well. I have not run consistently since April of 2015. This year I am reclaiming that ability. I feel so great and energized after my first time out this morning; why would I not want to continue?!
Wellness for my spirit is the final area I am working on. This encompasses so much and I feel it really helps with all other areas. I am meditating for 20 minutes every morning. Affording myself grace in the mornings and rewarding myself with beautiful candles that I burn with intention while I am working and while I meditate. The other major self-care item that my husband and I are doing is hiking. Getting out in nature… even though it has still been winter and the cold and snow have to be overcome, we are still doing it. We are still pushing through and getting out there. We hiked about 20 miles in February and now we joined a challenge for Spring that has a goal of 75 miles between March through May. Hiking is amazing for my spirit. I feel the best out among the trees. Also, we are looking forward to spring when the natural world wakes up and comes to life around us. Having the goal of the challenge, friends and my dear sweet husband to march along side me through the snow, has been so inspiring. I feel as if I am coming back to myself. I feel after years of self neglect I am finally learning to lovingly put me first.
Thank you for reading my blog today. May you find the beauty and healing in caring for yourself.
This weekend my husband and I met our daughter and granddaughter on the North Shore of Lake Superior. There are so many lovely views along the way. Majestic Lake Superior, beautiful waterfalls, and forests all make for an enjoyable day surrounded by natural beauty. Our granddaughter is 5 years old and a smart little girl with a naturally inquisitive nature, that made this day even more special.
As we voyaged along the North Shore, we made many stops. The first was at Gooseberry falls and the last was at the Temperance River. The paths were covered with snow, slush and ice from the recent April blizzard we had. But that didn’t stop us. That little girl was always excited to get out of the vehicle to see what new experiences this stop would bring her, what new path to trot down and what new sights to see. It was such a joy to watch her as she darted here and there. I could see her falling in love with this area of the country that I love so much.
Our other grandchildren love the outdoors just as much. They enjoy playing outside every chance they get. They love to hike down paths through the woods, are excited about upcoming camping trips, and enjoy getting to see the wildlife that are part of these types of adventures. Fostering this type of love in our youngsters does a couple of things. It helps them and it helps the planet.
It helps them by giving them an escape, that we all need sometimes. They learn that the world has so much to offer. There is more to life than just the TV and tablets. They learn that fun, as well as peace, can be found by getting out into nature. Helping them develop a love of nature at a young age gives them an opportunity to develop several coping mechanisms as they age. Going hiking and camping, are parts of my life, that help me during tough times. Paddling a Kayak down river, after a stressful day, helps all the tension melt away. When we introduce children to these things at a young age, it gives them more for their tool box as they age.
It helps the world by producing more people who will want to protect it. They are less likely to take actions in the future that could cause harm to the planet, when they see how special the natural world is. When they fall in love with Mother Nature and all she has to offer them, they are more invested in taking care of her. They will not all become tree hugging hippies but they may become responsible with their trash, recycle, or choose products with packaging that is earth friendly.
Just as our little granddaughter had a blast exploring the beauty around us, I enjoyed watching her fall in love with the earth. Do you have children in your life? what kinds of things do you do with them out in nature? I would love to hear about your adventures with little ones.
Thank you for reading my blog today. I love you! May you enjoy the world of nature with any little ones in your life, as if by magic.
Stacy Crep 