My Experience with “36 Questions to Fall in Love”

Have you heard of the 36 questions to fall in love study? Here is the way I remember it. A psychologist, Arthur Aron, proposed that he could cause 2 people to fall in love by asking progressively intimate questions of each other and then have them stare silently into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes. The study was published in the late 90s but became popular during the time when I was online dating. The TV show, The Big Bang Theory, even did an episode about the questions. As the story was told to me, the two people who were used in the initial study actually did fall in love. Since I was looking for true love and intimacy in the online world, I thought I might as well give it a try.

I remember sitting across the table at a restaurant from the man I was currently dating. “Want to play a game?” I asked him. His eyebrow went up and he asked what kind of game? I explained to him about the 36 questions. He was skeptical but agreed to play along. We began taking turns asking each other the questions. We pushed my phone back and forth across the table asking each other questions. Alternating who asked the question first. I have to admit it was a fun way to get to know each other and to deepen the relationship. In the end, he and I dated for about 6 months but did not fall in love. I did do the questions with a couple other of the men I dated.

One of the men I did the questions with became my husband. We did the questions while driving to go on our first camping trip together. Again the questions were a great way to get to know each other. I think the key was that the conversation was going on during the long drive and initiated many side conversations. This time the questions revealed a whole new experience. This time the questions deepened a closeness that was already forming. The questions took us a couple of days to get through because we didn’t rush them and we allowed them to take us down bunny trails and into other conversations. I am sure this was not the intention during the study but we’re not scientists, just two people getting to know each other on a deeper level. When it came time for the 4 minutes of gazing into each others eyes, it was magical. It was almost like a meditative experience.

In the end, did the 36 Questions cause my husband and I to fall in love? No, we already were in love (although we had not expressed this to each other yet) when we asked each other the questions. I believe true love is really about a soul connection. The questions did help us to know each other better. Our relationship was brought to the next level and the questions prompted deep and meaningful conversations over the course of the weekend. It was on that same weekend that we did profess our love to each other. Did the intimacy, spun out of asking the questions, allow for our comfort in saying the words? Maybe. We just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I wish you a lifetime of deep and meaningful intimacy.

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Week 5 check ~ Daily Meditation Adventure

Here we go!

If you have not already joined our 90 day meditation adventure, I hope you will still do so. Here is how the last week went for me.

Experiences during the week: During one meditation this week I received a message about being true to who you are. I feel every day that I learn a little better who I am.

My weight: I have gained 2.2 lbs since the start of this challenge. Certainly not the outcome I was hoping to share with you. We are only about a 1/3 of the way into the challenge though. I refuse to give up! I will meditate on with new enthusiasm.

How I feel: I am having a lot of lower back pain. It is something I deal with from time to time but this episode is the worst I have had in sometime. I partially blame the weight gain for the back pain. More weight, pulling on an area of my body, that is already not at optimal functioning. I also feel frustrated that weight is not just falling off my frame. Perhaps I need to try and increase my meditation from once a day to twice a day.

What I have learned: I have learned that being in pain can affect my calm. I can, at times, get a little snappy with people. I see this episode of back pain as in invitation from the Universe to maintain my inner Zen, even when there are distractions and things that may be causing me to not feel my best.

How it is affecting my life: I am finding that the daily meditation is something I “have to do”. This is not the way I wanted to feel about it. I find that I am slipping it into other experiences like during a massage or an event, such as a shamanic drum journey, as counting. I want to be able to tell you I feel more calm and centered but that is certainly not true today. I refuse to give up! I know I will eventually get into my grove.

I would love to hear your experiences with this. I hope you are having a more profound lift with shifting experiences. If you are snuggling a bit, like I am, its ok. Don’t give up! We will get there!

Thank you for reading my blog today. I wish you a lifetime of learning to know your true self even better.

I love you.

Previous meditation blogs by the Adventure Sisters: Join Us on This Adventure, Meditate the weight away?, 9 ways to improve meditation, Meditation contemplations, There’s an App for That: A review of meditation Apps, 7 Common Meditation Myths, 11 Types of Meditation

Always Reaching

As I watched my 6 month old grandson play on the floor, I noticed that, even when other some toys maybe closer to him, he was always reaching for the ones that were further away. This got me thinking. We see things that are just out of our reach and we decide we want them. What we don’t have seems to be better than what we do have. Although the grass is seldom actually greener on the otherwise of the the fence, I believe this aspect of the human condition keeps us moving forward.

How does wanting what we don’t have keep us moving forward? Well, if go back to the analogy of babies, that is why they learn to crawl and eventually walk. They want what is out of reach. It is what has driven me to complete various degrees and keep learning new skills; so I can get to that next level of my contributions to society. It is what inspired Adventure Sister, Emy, to run for the MN House of Representatives. She wanted our beautiful BWCA to remain safe and protected. It is what has driven Emy and I to write 3 books and continue to submit them to different publishers; we want to be able to help a larger number of people. Wanting what is currently out of reach pushes us to do what we haven’t done before.

As we have discussed, reaching can be very good for us, but it can become unhealthy when it is done in a competitive fashion. Often referred to as keeping up with the Jones. For example, if you never wanted a fishing boat but then your neighbor gets a brand new shiny bass boat and suddenly you find yourself wanting a fishing boat also. Another example: you have never really been into designer handbags, until you notice all of your friends are carrying a certain designer bag, suddenly you feel like you need one as well. This is when reaching can become unhealthy. Remember to stay true to who you really are. Make sure the things you are spending your energy and resources to reach toward, are things that are in line with your life goals.

Keep reaching for the stars! Strive to be better, learn more, and live the life of your dreams! Just be sure it is your dream life and not the dream life of someone else or what society says you should want. Staying true to yourself helps ensure that when you do reach that next level or goal, that you are satisfied and proud of your accomplishment. By doing so you will be living in line with your truest, deepest self. You then can set the next goal and began reaching again. Reach on my friends!

Thank you or reading my blog today. May your life be filled with dreams fulfilled. I love you!

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Everyone Is Fighting Some Type of Battle

Today, as I was on the rental car bus to the airport, 2 woman almost got into a fight. How does this happen? How do we get so worked up over little things that we treat our fellow person with anger and disrespect. I love the quote “Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”, by JM Barry. Why pick a fight or try to impose your rules on a stranger, when you have no idea what is going on in their life?

What happened:

As the rental car shuttle came to it’s stop, everyone stood up, anxious to get on their way to wherever they were going. At that moment one lady decided to become the self-appointed ediquitte monitor. As people were trying to get off the bus she pushed herself in front of a woman in the isle, physically forcing her back, and told her angrily; “Edequette is for the front people to get off first.” She then proceeded to blocked the other woman from getting her suitcase. The other woman pushed around her and huffed off the bus, glaring at the etiquette police. This self appointed shuttle departing authority then looked at me grumbling about how rude it was for this other lady to try and get off first.

Let’s consider:

Maybe the other lady was in a hurry because of some sort of delay and was in jeopardy of missing her flight. Maybe she had just received word that her grandmother had died and was traveling to get to the funeral. Perhaps she was rushing to get to her son’s hospital bed after he had been in a terrible accident. It could have been she had just been laid off at work and was taking her final trip home from the company headquarters. Maybe she was ill and traveling to receive treatment. I wonder if any of these things were true, if the angry lady would have made such a scene and attacked her in the way she did. Of course another of these things could have also been the story of the woman trying to enforce the unwritten rule of getting off the shuttle.

A wider view:

We can take this consideration and apply it to any part of our life. People in shopping centers and restaurants. Those we share our roadways with. Acquaintances, friends, and family. Even those we know well, may not share everything that is going on under the surface. Maybe they are having a crisis of self-esteem because of changes in their life. Maybe there is a secret that is stressing them and they feel they will be unloveable if they share it.

I ask you, as you go about your day and feel frustrated by the actions of others. Please try and be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some sort of battle. We all have stuff going on in life. We all have emotions that we share and do not share with others. Be kind to yourself and be kind to your fellow travelers in this journey we call life.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I wish you a blessed life where you receive limitedness kindness from everyone you meet. I love you.

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Daily Meditation – Week 4 check in

If you have not already joined our 90 day meditation adventure, I hope you will still do so. Here is how the last week went for me.

Experiences during the week: I am still on the road with co-workers. This always complicates my ability to make time for myself. I love my co-workers. They are amazing, smart, and experienced people. I enjoy their company and have fun spending the evenings chatting with them. This has complicated my life, however. I know they would be supportive if I told them I needed to sneak away to blog or meditate, but I enjoy them, so I make the choice to stay.

What I have learned: I have learned that making the choice to not make time for myself causes it not to happen. Not only did I miss meditating certain days over the last week, I also missed writing the week 3 check in. I let myself down and also let you down. This is a wonderful illustration of why it is important to make time for ourselves. This morning, while I meditated, my monkey mind tried to tell me all the other things I needed to get done. I decided mantra was the best way to quiet that monkey mind. I started with “I am thin and beautiful. My fit body supports my active life.”That mantra felt good. I then switched to “I release what does not serve me and keep only what I need”. With this I was able to have a profound experience. I saw a volcano all orange and red. It made me realize that the process of releasing, what no longer serves us, creates change. Although change may be scary at the time it is happening, it does serve a purpose and things will be okay in the end.

My weight: I am still on the road and have no mechanism to measure if my weight has changed. I do not sense a change in how my clothing is fitting me.

How I feel: After my meditation this morning I feel grounded and more connected. I feel that my senses are more tuned in. I hear the birds chirping and cooing. There are so many different bird songs making a morning symphony. I smell the Arizona air and the occasional scent of someone smoking weed on their balcony. I feel the dry heat of the dessert building despite the early hour of the day. I see the filtered sunlight sneaking through the leaves on the tree in front of my balcony. The taste of my black tea washes through me, helping me be fully present in this beautiful day.

How it is affecting my life: It is challenging me to be better. Teaching me that “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again” was a very profound quote by William Edward Hickerson. So despite a shaky couple of weeks, I am still committed to the 90 days meditation challenge. If you have tried and struggled, please don’t give up. It is never too late to start again.

Thank you for reading my blog today! I wish you a lifetime of trying again when the first pass does not provide the desired outcome. I wish you a lifetime of goals met and feeling good about yourself. I love you.

Trust Yourself

How comfortable are you with your intuition? Can you listen to that little voice deep inside of you. Do you know that feeling you get when your inner self is trying to guide you? Today I want to talk about some ways you can practice with your intuition. Begin to trust that voice of consciousness that is there to help guide you.

First though, you must learn how your intuition talks to you. It may be many different ways. It may be a feeling in your stomach. Did you know that the gastrointestinal system is often called the second brain? Deepak Chopra said, “If you say ‘I have a gut feeling about such and such’ you’re not speaking metaphorically, you’re speaking literally. Your gut makes the same chemicals that your brain makes when it thinks.” When you are making simple decisions like, “Should I have spaghetti or stir fry?” or “Should I wear the white shirt or the blue one?” check in with your gut. It will help you start to trust your gut. Then you can move on to checking in with bigger and bigger things.

Another technique, that can be used, is body testing or muscle testing. This is often used when selecting things to put in our bodies, like supplements or ingredients in food, but can be used for other items as well. There are many ways to do this. The way I do it most often is to stand still. I hold the supplement to my chest and ask if I should take it. If I should, my body will tip slightly forward. If I should not, it will tip slightly back. If you have never tried this before, it can be fun to start out trying it with various foods.

A third technique can be to notice what comes to mind often. I do this with my jewelry. Much of my jewelry has various purposes. I wear my Ganesh neckless to remove barriers, mirrored earrings to protect me from negativity, Amethyst for calm, Chakra colors for balance, and so on. I instinctively know which jewelry to wear for the day because it will keep coming to mind. When I am going about my day I notice what is happening and am frequently rewarded with confirmation that my intuition was correct as various experiences show up and my purposeful jewelry is there to assist me.

By practicing with your intuition on these little simple ways, you can better understand how it works and learn to trust it on a deeper level. Before long you will be using it to make bigger and bigger decision. You will find that once you get a feeling for your intuition and how it “speaks” to you, that it will not lead you astray.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I wish you a lifetime of your intuition leading you boldly toward the life of your dreams. I love you.

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Cockeyed Optimist!

I have been accused of being a Pollyanna or of wearing rose colored glasses. People say I am not a realist and that I should share my magical miracle wand. So I ask you, is optimism a super power or is it kryptonite?

I believe that my tomorrow is going to be even better than today. I believe that my life is magical and blessed. Things have a way of always working out for me. Does this make me wrong. Am I not a realist if I believe that everything is going to work out? What does it say about me that I can always see the silver lining in a situation?

When things do not turn out the way I hoped or believed they were going to work out, I believe there is a purpose in this. It is the Universe’s way of leading me to a better option or better situation. My dreams will still come true. In fact, they will not only come true, but will surpass my wildest expectations. And so it is!

Emy and I entered our books into a contest where 3 participants would have the opportunity to get their books published. We were sure we were going to win. It didn’t happen – at least not yet. I will tell you this though, our books will be published! We have since submitted them to another publisher. We will continue to do whatever it takes to see our books in print. We will continue to believe that our dream of helping hundreds of thousands of people through this series of books will be realized.

Many may say that I am not being realistic. They may say my feet are not on the ground but I am a driven individual who will not be dissuaded from forging on toward what I know will be realized. Lisa Nichols, who wrote Abundance Now, says that manifestation and visualization are useless without action. That action is the fuel on the fire to bring what you want into reality. I want to help people grow, like I have, from a scared child into an adult who knows I deserve to live my dream life.

You too deserve to live your dream life. It is there for you. Even when it feels like it is not. Keep believing in the dream! Keep pushing forward! Do not let anyone tell you it can’t or won’t happen! It is worth the extra effort to live a magical life! You can do it! You will do it… if only you believe!

Thank you for reading my blog today! I wish you a lifetime of endless energy and resources to move your dreams forward into reality! I love you!

What Does Finger Pointing, Mirrors, and Soup Have in Common?

In a recent speech given at my Toastmasters group, the speaker mentioned when you point your finger the other 4 fingers are pointing back at you. Can you admit when you are wrong? Can you back up from a situational order to truly see the part you played in it?

Sometimes when we are emotionally invested in a situation we cannot open our awareness to our role in that situation. I have a wise friend who refers to it as being in the soup. I like this analogy. It makes sense that when you are looking down into the bowl from the outside, you can see what is a carrot and what is a potato. When you are in the soup though, the broth obscures everything and it is harder to discern what is really around you.

This morning I heard a story about a mother, who in her heart of hearts wants to protect her son. She wrote email to the school complaining about the “bullying” that was occurring and how her son was a victim of it. Apparently, what her son did not share with her was that he was doing the same behavior to his friends. So, when we are outside of the soup and look at this behavior, we see that if he was being bullied he was also bullying. How could this backfire for this child? His mother’s best intentions could cause him to also suffer the consequences the school has for bullies. What he and his friends see as horseplay could have serious ramifications for all of them. Think about how this might apply to our own life. Are there situations where we complain about others doing things that we do as well at times?

There is a concept that others are mirrors for us. That those traits we notice in others, that really upset us, are actually things we need to work on personally. Does it annoy you when someone dominates the conversation, only talks about themselves, drives aggressively, is very negative, makes irresponsible decisions, drinks too much or whatever it is? Think about your interactions with others. Try and do it in a nonjudgmental and accepting way. See if you may also be doing this same behavior. Perhaps that person who annoys you is a mirror for you. Perhaps this is a gift to you to help give you some awareness of yourself and your actions. Do not use this as an opportunity to beat yourself up or judge yourself poorly. Rather, use it as an opportunity to move forward and become a little more tolerant and a little more the person you hope to be.

Remember when you are in the soup and upset about something, step back, take a look around you and see what is really going on. When you are pointing the finger at others, keep note of how many are pointing back at you.

Thank you for reading my blog today. May your life be full of wisdom to see situations from many different angles. I love you.

Go Beyond Your Fears

Alligators, snakes, and turtles, oh my! I love to kayak! This is a love I share with my Adventure Sister, Emy, as well as with my husband. It is an activity that is infectious and when I share it with others, I soon hear they are shopping for a kayak themselves. It is a lovely way to experience nature by gliding smoothly through the water. I feel as one with the kayak and close to the nature all around me when out paddling. Now that I am spending more time in Florida, I want to be able to practice this peaceful activity all year round. After all, kayaking season in Minnesota is a bit short.

One day, as my husband and I were traveling the backroads in Florida, I was looking longingly at all the little streams and rivers that were just waiting for us to kayak through them. I looked at the grassy banks and thought, I wonder if the Alligators bother the kayakers. Hmmm, I had not considered that this prehistoric looking critter might pose a treat. I calmly did , what I do when I have a question like that, I pulled out my trusty phone and researched it. It turns out that if you don’t bother them while kayaking, they wont bother you. What a relief!

So what else might pose a threat? Well, another possible problem with kayaking in Florida is the snakes. There are 4 poisons snakes here and unlike Minnesota snakes, they don’t stay on the ground. They get up into the trees. I have heard stories of them dropping out of the trees into boats. Ick! Although I am sure they fall out of the trees at times, perhaps due to a strong wind, I am guessing they do not intend to fall into boats. It really seems like it would be a bad plan on their part. I wonder if these stories are more for the “thill” factor of watching the listener’s eyes widen than anything.

So my husband and I purchased a second hand tandem kayak. We tested it by paddling down a stream with overhanging trees. It was a lovely paddle. Everything was so green and there were beautiful purple flowers along the shoreline. We did see some reptiles on our paddle in this lovely place but it was just was a big turtle and a baby turtle, sunning on log.

So often in life we hear stories or thoughts occur to us of all the: “what if’s”. What if the snakes would have been raining from the trees? What if they gators were hungry and aggressive? I read in a book once, many years ago, “Why walk, we might fall?”. We can stop ourselves from doing anything if we let our fears become larger than our dreams. If you truly want to live the life of your dreams, you must boldly push beyond your fears. I am not saying be careless, but do some research. Check the facts. Have a plan to counteract the “what if’s”. And then go fo it! After all, the only reptile on your battle may be turtles!

Thank you for reading my blog today. I love you. I wish you the life of your dreams, today and everyday.

I Am Proud of You!

I am Proud of you! Do you hear me? Yes, I’m talking to you! I am proud of all you have accomplished. Just think where you were at a few years ago. Now look at you! Look how far you have come. It may seem like baby steps to you, but every one of those steps forward is a step in the right direction. Even f you take 2 steps forward and 1 step back, that is still one step forward. It doesn’t matter if those steps have taken place in the last week or the last 20 years. The speed of your forward progress is up to you. It is not a race to the end.

Think about the things you once struggled with but now you can cope with well. I am proud of you.
Think about how you have matured in your response to those you do not agree with. I am proud of you.
Think about all the magic things you have manifested in your life, even if they were small. I am proud of you.
Think about how you have matured in your opinions. I am proud of you.
Think about the new ways you have found to take care of yourself, so that you will have the stamina to better help others. I am proud of you.
Think about the ways you have stood up for the underdog. I am proud of you.
Think about the ways you have brought improved order and peace into your life. I am proud of you.
Think about the meditation and/or exercise practices you have started and started again and maybe will start again. I am proud of you.
Think about the ways you have helped your community. I am proud of you.
Think about the smiles you have shared with strangers to brighten their days. I am proud of you.
Think about the ways you have shown your body, you love it, as is. I am proud of you.
Think about the times you have said what you meant with love. I am proud of you.
Think about the times you have excelled with determination. I am proud of you.
Think about the things you have done, that you once said you would or could never do. I am proud of you.
Think about the new adventures you have gone on and will go on next. I am proud of you.
Think about the ways you have heard Spirit talk to you and the ways in which you have answered. I am proud of you.
Think of the all the times you have pushed on, even though you have felt very stressed or overwhelmed to do so at times. I am proud of you.
Think of the ways you have supported your friends and family. I am proud of you.
Think about the healthy boundaries you have set, even if you have to reset them from time to time. I am proud of you.
Think about how you have inspired someone else. Even if in a small way. I am proud of you.
Think about the things you have learned about yourself. I am proud of you.
Think of the ways you have shown, expressed, and felt gratitude. I am proud of you.
Think about the ways you have given and received love. I am proud of you.

You are doing great! Yes you are. There are always ways to continue to grow and improve yourself. Just by you are reading this, you are making forward progress. You are walking your path to being your best version of you. Look back over the decisions you have made. See how you have progressed over the years, months, weeks, days. There is progress there to celebrate. You are moving toward living the life of your dreams and I am so very proud of you.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I wish you a lifetime of success and many things to be proud of yourself for. I love you and I am proud of you! Blessings!