My friend and I created the School of Illumination, beginning with a six-month foundation to prepare participants for deep shadow work. The advanced training, Shadow Song: A Journey Into Illumination, invites students to dig deep, study themselves, and confront the shadow.
As we guide participants through the next 12 months, I’ve decided to journey alongside them. I’m choosing to put myself first, engage fully in the coursework, and once again face my own shadow. It’s important to me to become the best version of myself I can be.
The work includes daily meditation, journal prompts, and homework activities between our monthly classes. Our first journal prompt this month focused on resistance. As I reflected, I noticed something: I’ve been resisting sitting still to meditate each day.
Throughout my life, I’ve had a steady meditation practice — sometimes even twice a day — yet I feel resistance to simply being still and quiet. I teach walking meditation, and the Kundalini yoga I love combines chanting and movement with meditation, but even these practices have fallen away lately. Hmm… what is this about?
As I prepared to meditate today, I caught myself wanting to blow my nose, clean my ears, brush my hair. Was I distracting myself with little tasks to avoid the stillness, or were these small acts part of settling into my body before I got quiet?
While journaling about this resistance, I asked my wise higher self for guidance. I was reminded of a tool we shared with our students: box breath. This simple pattern — inhale for a count of five, hold for five, exhale for five, hold out for five, then repeat — can help calm the mind and body. I decided to use box breathing as I meditated today. It worked.
At first, I kept my attention occupied by counting, breathing, and holding. As my meditation deepened, I lengthened the counts to ten, drawing my breath more fully into my body. A calm, slow rhythm emerged.
Eventually, I stopped counting. My breath continued in the same pattern, but my awareness opened to the world around me: the rustling of leaves, a distant dog barking, birds chirping, the steady song of insects. The wind moved through the trees like the breathing of the earth. Occasionally, wind chimes sang, and I felt part of it all.
I’m grateful I worked through my resistance and allowed myself this moment of connection. I’m grateful for the peace I felt afterward, and for showing up for myself despite hesitation. Will this completely dissolve my resistance? I don’t know — but I’ve found a tool to help me meet it with curiosity and move forward.
Last November, I traveled to Costa Rica for a yoga retreat. We practiced a lot of yoga. We meditated, connected in community, ate incredible vegetarian meals, and attended enriching classes.
One of my favorite questions to ask people during an event or vacation is: “Tell me about your favorite moment so far…” It’s such a beautiful way to reflect on an experience. It also helps you learn what truly moves your friends and family—what they value most.
Today, I want to share one of my favorite moments from this retreat.
Our instructor, Tommy, guided us into a profound meditation. When it ended, we quietly rose and walked down to the ocean, still in silence. We sat together on the sand, watching the day slip away into the Pacific. Then, as the sun neared the horizon, we waded into the ocean—still meditating—as the sunset painted the world around us.
There were about 80 of us, and the scene reminded me of the 1998 film City of Angels, where angels gather at the coast in reverent silence. That’s exactly how it felt—silent, yet deeply connected in community.
I’ve witnessed countless coastal sunrises and sunsets—on cruise ships, sandy beaches, and balconies—but never from within the water itself. That day was different. Being fully present in meditation made it extraordinary. The push and pull of the waves against my body anchored me in the moment. The only sounds were the rhythm of the ocean and the occasional call of a bird. I was surrounded by others, yet I felt completely alone—in the best way.
The sky bloomed with vivid color, spilling onto the few clouds drifting above. The waves became dark silhouettes edged with glowing orange and purple light. Countless black pyramids rose and fell before me, their sides shimmering with the last fire of the day. It was breathtaking—alive and electric with beauty.
At 52, I was amazed to discover a whole new perspective on something so familiar. That sunset, that ocean, that stillness—it shifted something in me.
I am profoundly grateful for this experience, for the community that shared it with me, for the family and friends who encouraged me to put myself first and take this journey, and for the life that continues to gift me these small miracles.
As the wind blows away the dust of who I have been, what are the parts of my life I want to remember?
I want to remember who I am when I walk in nature. I want to feel the wind blowing through my hair, the sun warming my skin, and the grass beneath my feet. I want to remember how the sounds and scents of the natural world make me feel connected, whole, and at home. I want to hold on to the beauty I’ve witnessed—the vivid color of the sky, a single leaf, an eagle soaring overhead, the remarkable shapes of mushrooms growing on a fallen tree. These sights fill me with awe.
I want to remember the love I carry for the people who have shared this life with me. I want to remember to forgive—both myself and others—because life is messy. We are all stumbling through as best we can. I want to remember that it is okay to set boundaries and love people from afar. I want to show up each day with love, in spite of my flaws or theirs. I want to remember that everything happens for a reason, even when the reason is unclear. My responsibility is my own healing. It is not my job to heal others or to decide if they need healing—that is their journey.
I want to remember the love of my grandparents, and the love I hold for my grandchildren. Why does the separation of a generation seem to intensify relationships? My bond with my grandchildren feels so different from what I had with my children—not better, not purer, just different. The same is true of the love I felt from my grandparents; so very different from my parents. Now, as I walk this path without any grandparents in physical form and step fully into that role myself, I hope that long after I am gone, my grandchildren will feel my love—helping, guiding, and supporting them in ways I cannot do today.
Do I want to remember my journey through this lifetime? Are the occurrences and experiences important to my story? Every page I have turned along this path has shaped me, drawing me closer to the truest version of myself. I understand who I am today in a way I never did in childhood, or in my twenties, thirties, or even forties. The missteps and stumbles, the masks and roles, the passions and goals—all of these have been essential to discovering Stacy.When faced with the question, “What do I want to remember?” I think the answer is simple: I want to remember who I am.
The Book of Alchemy by Suleika Jaouad is full of enticing journal prompts to help us as journalers, as people, as fellow travelers in life, to delve more deeply into ourselves. This morning as I flipped through the book the prompt asked me to write a letter from Love.
“Dear Love, What would you have me know today?”
Dear beloved one,
As the sun rises into the sky over your world shining brightly on everything, I am there. Tonight as the sun sets bathing the world into a dusky quilt of color, I am there. As the sliver of the moon hangs in the dark night sky, I am there too. There have been times in your life where you did not embrace me, maybe you even doubted if I was real. I have always been here. I have been cheering you on. Celebrating your successes and compassionately holding you in the times you felt failure.
I want you to know that even in those times when everything felt like it was falling apart, it was actually falling together. Those times that felt so dark and deep, when you felt the inky darkness of despair was all around you, those were times to encourage you to take the next step up. These were times for you to find your will to move beyond your experience into the beauty of your true self.
I see you dear one, as the beautiful bright soul that you are. I love you with all that I am. I wrap and swirl all around you and within you. I know you more than you even know yourself. You allow your value to be defined by the thoughts and deeds of others. You forget that you are more than you appear. You allow your goals to be set by the expectations that have been placed upon you by the well meaning, who confuse love with safety. I see you, as I have always seen you.
You burn brightly, filled with the stuff of stars. Take a deep breath child and feel me. Pause and allow yourself to be wrapped within me, eternal love. You are beautiful. The parts of you you think of as flaws are only part of the unique fabric of who you are. There are no flaws. When I gaze upon you I see you as you cannot see yourself. I see the perfection of the wholeness of you.
I would like for you to fully and deeply love yourself, but I see that you may not be ready for the fullness of this just yet. In those times when you feel alone, or unworthy of love; call to me. I am here loving you even when you cannot find me within yourself or others. I am here to wrap you in my warm embrace. I will give you a safe nest to retreat to for just a little while. It only takes a moment, a breath, to find me. Take that deep breath in and feel me, Love, surrounding you and all that you are. Feel me loving all of you. You are worthy and deserving of the fullness of my unconditional love and dedication.
It’s a book by Michael Brown—but it’s so much more than just a book. It’s a process designed to help you integrate leftover emotions from the past. In this blog, I’ll explore how this process works, how I discovered it, and share some of the experiences I’ve had as I’ve begun my journey with it.
What Is the Presence Process?
This process is a journey through unintegrated emotions that we’ve been carrying with us, often without realizing how they affect our everyday lives. In The Presence Process, Michael Brown talks about seven-year cycles and explains that everything we experience is a manifestation of past emotions we haven’t yet integrated.
The core idea is that when something triggers us today, it’s actually a past, unintegrated emotion trying to get our attention so we can face it and heal it. The process itself lasts 10 weeks, though there’s some recommended pre-work and post-work. Michael advises reading the book once through before starting the process.
When you begin, you’ll sit quietly for 15 minutes twice a day, focusing on your breathing. As someone who enjoys meditation, I’ve long aimed to build a daily practice—but I’ve never consistently meditated twice a day until now. So far, this part has been the easiest for me.
Each week includes a different activating statement designed to open you to that week’s experiences. There are a couple of versions of the book, so activating statements may vary slightly. My statement this week is: “I compassionately embrace my innocence.” The most important part of the process is paying attention.
What are you feeling in your body?
What emotions are coming up?
What are you dreaming about?
What triggers you?
How I Found the Presence Process
I first heard about The Presence Process from a friend. She mentioned that Michael Brown doesn’t promote the book, trusting that it will find those who need it. He even advises against encouraging others to try the process—it’s meant to be an individual journey for those who feel called to it.
That said, I’ve found it helpful to work through the process with a friend. Having someone to talk to about triggers and emotions when they arise helps me stay grounded. It’s valuable to have someone who understands the process and can remind me that whatever comes up, the answer is within me. It’s never about the other person—they are just a messenger, as Michael would say.
I first read the book in December and formally began the process on February 17.
My Experience So Far
My experience with the process has been different from week to week. It’s fascinating to notice how seemingly unrelated triggers can carry a common emotional theme.
For most of my life, I’ve tended to push emotions deep down and avoid dealing with them. This process challenges me to sit with those feelings instead of suppressing them. It asks me to allow and integrate these emotions. I’m not sure I fully understand the concept of integration yet, but I’ve noticed a melting of the intensity of my emotional responses, as I work with them. There’s a growing sense of understanding about patterns that have shaped my life, even when they’ve appeared symbolically or subconsciously.
Final Thoughts
If you feel called to The Presence Process, it’s worth exploring. If you don’t feel drawn to it, that’s okay too. Your journey is your own. There are countless ways to heal—some are right for us, while others are meant for different paths.
I’m grateful for the variety of healing modalities that have supported me along my journey. The Presence Process is another teacher, helping me become a better version of myself each day. And ultimately, that’s my goal—to be just a little bit better today than I was yesterday.
The second BWCA was the one where we conquered Billy Goat Portage along with 4 other portages. It was a grueling trek in. We got in and were fatigued physically and mentally from the work of getting in. We stayed up to see the full moon but even this seemed like a lot of effort because of our fatigue. We went to bed that night and I thought we would sleep very very well. I was so wrong. It is normal for me to not sleep well the first night. The ground is hard; the outfitter provides us sleeping pads but they are less than an inch thick and really not much of an improvement from the ground.
Another reason for impaired sleep is the noises of the forest. Emy and I love to be in the forest but the noises are so different then what we hear at home it is always a little tricky to block it out and sleep that first night. I did start bringing a battery operated fan the 2nd year. This did help to block out the noises of the night. I am telling you if we could figure out how to make the kitchen sink fit we would have packed that sucker in too.
I woke up in the middle of the night. I am not sure what woke me or why I woke. I turned and noticed that Emy’s sleeping bag was empty. This made me nervous! Where was she? Had she been eaten by a bear? Was she okay? Was she sleep walking off to the land of Rumpelstiltskin? I had never woken in the middle of the night to find her space empty before. I put my hand down to push myself up and it splashed into a puddle. UGH! Wet Tent! Unfortunately, I had not put my clothes back into my waterproof bag before bed. Darn darn darn, wet clothes too. I made my way out of the cocoon like sleeping bag, and navigated myself out of the soggy tent.
It was raining outside. Emy had brought solar lights in this year and the moon was full and seemed to light the night even through the cloud cover. It was easy to see that Emy was not near our “kitchen” around the cooking grate. I did not see her sitting near the beach. The camp chairs were empty. I was going to have to look a little harder to find her. My anxiety was increasing now. Where could she be? Although the day had been warm, the night was chilly. I rounded the trees and headed toward our “bedroom” where we had put the cots up under a tarp.
It was there that I found my poor little soul sister. She sat on one of the cots, exhausted, wet, cold, and all together miserable. “Hi”, I said as I settled myself on the opposite cot. Emy explained to me that she had awoken in a puddle and come out here. It was easy to see she was not doing well. I cannot stress enough what a physical battle it had been getting in that year. We were sore everywhere and I am sure that we had completely depleted the little bit of food we had eaten the day before and probably our caloric intake from a few days before had been burned through.
Emy and I have a gift for feeling other people’s energy. We are especially good at feeling each other’s energy. Emy’s energy was not feeling good at all and in fact it felt like she was on the verge of really getting quite sick. I hated seeing this lovely soul feeling so miserable; having someone in the Boundary Waters who is not in good health (especially my dear friend) is not something I was wanting to deal with.
I set to work to get a fires started. I piled up some wood near the end of the cots. I hunted for some dry kindling and got everything stacked up. I worked at it until I managed to get a small fire burning to get rid of some of the chill. It was not an easy task since all of the wood was wet. Persistence pays off in the Boundary Waters, also I knew a few tricks. I used a little of the cooking oil we had packed in and poured it over the top of the wood. It was enough to burn away some of the moisture.
Now that the fire was combating the cool air I thought about what should happen next. Well “First” breakfast of course. We are both up and, although it is likely still not at all anywhere close to day break; we need the nutrition to replenish our bodies. So I gaily announced to Emy that I was going to make us hot tea and breakfast. I am a morning person. I must always remember that not everyone is a morning person. I wake up happy and motivated. I am chatty in the morning, and for my own self-preservation, I try and remember that not everyone is like me.
Non-morning people can really be annoyed by my morning bubbliness; can you imagine that? I went down to the lake to scoop us up some oh so not tasty water. I brought the two propane cook stoves over by the cots and got the water started on one. On the other I put a fry pan and started sautéing some of the peppers and onions that Emy had chopped up prior to us coming in. I so appreciated all the thought she put into our food. She would get fresh organic fruits and veggies and have them all cleaned and chopped up and ready for us to pack in.
Emy was still looking quite miserable. “You have got to get out of those wet clothes” I gently suggested. “Do you have anything that is dry?” I asked her. “I am not sure” she grunted in misery. “Go and try to find something, you will feel better if you are not wet”. I pushed, carefully. It is a fine balance when we are out in the wilderness together to allow each other independence, as we are both strong willed, independent women, but also caring for each other.
We love each other and both have a healthy respect for one another. Experiencing the things we do together on these BWCA Adventures brings up a lot of emotions and we also needed to allow space for us each to process whatever emotions we need to process. Because of this mutual love and respect, no matter what we have faced while in the Boundary Waters, we have never fought. Emy set off in search of warm clothes. I continued to cook us breakfast. Emy came back with dry clothes on. I gave her a cup of hot tea and a plate of potatoes and eggs with sautéed veggies scrambled into them. We ate, drank tea, and got warm inside and out.
The warmth of the fire, the warm food, and tea in our tummies started to make us sleepy. We then used an item I brought in on the first BWCA but had not used until this day. After this day it’s one of the items I would recommend everyone bring in with them when going on a BWCA adventure. An emergency blanket. It is a funny item and really is more of a trap that is red on one side and silver on the other. It even has rivet holes around the edges. I added wood to the fire to keep it going. I pushed my cot closer to Emy’s and covered us up with the “emergency blanket”.
This was defiantly and emergency, our sleeping bags wet, our tent full of puddles, and it still the middle of the night. When we were packing the cots in, I thought they were the worst idea, big, bulky and heavy; in this moment they were the most wonderful item I could think of. The plastic of the emergency blanket rustled and rattled with every little movement Emy and I made, but joyously we slept, anyway. We got the rest we needed to recover from our journey in, or at least start to recover. It took us pretty much until our trek back out to fully recover.
When we woke again it really was morning. The rain had past, thank goodness! We set to work stringing ropes all over camp to hang sleeping bags, clothes, and towels to dry. After “second” breakfast, of course! Here are a couple of hints; keep you clothes inside their waterproof bag and pitch your tent on the high spot in camp. One more hint, take this trip with a friend that you love like a sister. You will need this love to get you through the more challenging moments. When Emy and I talked about this experience at a later time, she said she was so miserable in the moment she could not even think to figure out how to get to a less negative state. Luckily Emy and I balance each other quite nicely and she supports me when I am low and vice versa, after all we are the Adventure Sisters.
We first name ourselves the Adventure Sisters at the end of our first BWCA adventure. We were sad to be leaving such a beautiful and peaceful place. As we were cleaning up our campground and following the “leave no trace” standard we realized we had extra wood. Fire wood in the forest is plentiful but not always easy to come by. Nature does not deliver it to your door in neatly cut manageable lengths. Emy is a wizard with the hand saw the outfitter provides. My legs are strong; I enjoy hiking, cycling, and running. Emy gardens and moves dirt, lots of dirt, with a shovel alone. Also being a massage therapist she moves muscle. Her upper body strength is nothing to take for granted. I tried to do my share of the sawing but it quickly became apparent that making tea and hauling wood back to camp were my talents.
Anyway, at the end of year number one we had a few of Emy’s finely sawed logs left over. We discussed how nice it would be for the next people who used the sight. We leaned them up against a tree. “Let’s leave a note”, one of us suggested. Of course the other whole heartedly agreed. We wrote a note about the beauty of this place and how it had affected us. We asked whoever stayed in the campsite after us; protect the beauty and the sanctity of this amazing place. We signed it, “The Adventure Sisters”.
The note was placed in a plastic bag with a couple of tea bags and fastened to the logs. We have always wondered who found the note and did it make a difference in their life? We hope so. Inspiring and caring for others in this life, is what makes life worth living, in my opinion. There are so many ways to inspire and care for others. It can be a kind word or a smile, a little bit of advice, or just being there for someone who is facing a time in their life when they are miserable. Kindness goes such a long way and it is such an easy thing to share. Smile at each other, be kind to each other, and watch the world change!
There is so much going on in the world around us. Things that we judge to be good and things that we judge to be bad. We have no control over it. This is very stressful. Feels like we are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I choose not to focus on all that is going on “out there”. I am choosing to put my focus on what I can control, me. I can control that I get out of bed and meditate, everyday. I can control that I get out there and go for a run, at least 3 days a week. I can control that I get out into to nature multiple times a week, which lifts my spirit and improves my health. These are the promises I make to myself.
My friend and Adventure sister, Emy, introduced me, a couple years ago, to a song. The song is I Am the Fire by Halestorm. It is very motivational. I have it in my running playlist, because it reminds me that my commitment to run is a promise that I made to myself. It is not for anyone else. It is just for me. If I don’t go run in the morning, it does not hurt anyone else. I would be letting myself down. It is with that in mind that I slip into my running shoes and head out the door at least 3 days every week.
In the past when I made promises to myself it was easy to step away from them, because I wasn’t letting anyone else down. When in reality I was letting the most important person down, myself. The promises we make to ourself deserve the same importance as the promises we make to others. We deserve the same commitment and devotion we show others. So how do we break through the barriers that may try to hold us back?
For me is a no negotiation policy. I just know that Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are running days. Meditation happens every morning. There is no option for later. In the past I always embraced flexibility in my self care practices, but I found that for me, that led to excuse making and procrastination. Once you procrastinate late enough into the day, it is easy to move it to the next day, until it doesn’t happen.
I don’t have all the answers. I can’t tell you what may work for you. All I know is what has helped me. This blog is really just me sharing my rambling thoughts, with the hope that someone will find some inspiration or a little bit of helpful information that I have learned along my journey.
I love you! Thank you for reading my blog today. May you make and keep promises to yourself. You are worth it! May you also remember, it is okay to be a work in progress.
The Spring Equinox is the time in the year when we can start to walk away from winter and enter a time of new life, rebirth, and growth. At Equinox there is a perfect balance between the hours of night and day. It is a wonderful time to do some self-reflection and find balance within our lives. This is because balance is important when working to achieve overall wellness. Winter is a harsh time, filled with darkness, cold, and hibernation. As we say goodbye to winter, it is a good time to reflect on the defeat of the season. Defeat or failure is a part of life. We all face it in different ways throughout our lives. We tend to see it as a negative, but what if it is really freedom?
Reflect on:
What happens when we reframe the experience of failure to see it as freedom?
What happens when we start to see it as a shedding, like when a snake sheds it skin?
What if we see it like a chipping away. Imagine chipping away at stone to find the crystal hidden within.
This is a time to shed ways of thinking that no longer serve us and create self-imposed blockages. We can now tear down the walls of self-imposed limitations. What self-imposed limitations or blockages would you like to be free from?
Spring is a time of many things; fresh growth, new life, and a clean start. It is also a time of storms. When we step into the chaos of the spring storms, we can embrace the power of change that is waiting there for us. When we do not suppress what is in us, yearning to get out, we have the opportunity to grow. I want to be ready for the changes that are coming to the surface within me. It is now, in the spring, that those things that have been incubating come to life. This is a profound transformation, if you think about it. We can all enjoy this same profound transformation. Through upheaval, renewal is found.
On the equinox there is a balance between day and night. Let us call on this balance within ourselves and bring forth the beauty that is within us yearning to come forth. This can be a balance of many things.
Work and play
Feminie and masculine
Positive and negative
Progress and rest
Light and dark
Those things we judge to be assets and those we judge to be detrimental
And many more…
As we move forward into spring, it is a great time to take your personal wellness to the next level. Reflect upon what is waiting to be born from you. Look at the judgements you have placed on what is good and what is bad and see if you can find the light in the darkness and vise versa. Allow the transformation of Spring to transform you too.
Thank you for reading my blog today. May you find growth awakening within you as new life brings forth in nature. Many blessings to you.
This morning’s run was a struggle. When the alarm went off, signaling it was time to get up and get started on my mornings healthy habits, I did not want to get out of bed. The alarm was snoozed and snoozed again. Eventually my commitment pulled me out of bed and downstairs to my meditation space. My mind was restless and I had to continually pull myself back to focusing on my breathing. I found myself peaking at the timer before I hit the 20 minute mark. Still I persisted and continued to sit quietly for the whole 20 minutes.
Next it was time for my run. It was 31 degrees out. The ice has melted off the driveway, so an outdoor run was called for. I began my warm up walk on the frozen gravel road. The air was crisp and calm. I could feel the resistance in my muscles even on the warm up walk. I pushed on, being my usual Stacy Sunshine, believing it was going to get better. Once the running began, it was still difficult. My muscles felt tight. I was short of breath. The hill seemed way more steeper than most mornings. I walked more than I ran.
I continued to push on. Convinced I could “positive think” myself out of the struggle. The full moon was setting over the hill in the distance. It was beautiful to behold. There was a pink tint to it in the early morning lavender sky. It felt inspiring to see it so large in the sky. It did not make the run any easier though. I completed my run, although I did not stick to the C25K algorithm completely. Although my time was the same as my run 2 days before, my distance was slightly shorter. Even though I got out there and did it, it still felt like a failure.
Why are some days like this? My day yesterday was stressful and full of intense emotions. I am recovering from a mild case of COVID, so perhaps that played in. The food choices I made yesterday were not as exemplary as I would have liked. When I weighed this morning, my weight was up slightly, causing me some disappointment. Was it any one of these things? Was it the combo deal of all of them? Should I blame it on the full moon?
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter why today was a tough day to take care of me. What does matter is that I got out there and took care of me. I continued my commitment to myself. I may repeat this run tomorrow, in order to be true to the walk/run ratios called for in the C25K program. If I don’t, know one would know or care, but I would be letting myself down. Commitment to ones self is of the highest importance.
Not everyday is going to be perfect. Not everyday is going to feel like a huge flaming ball of success. In fact, I believe, it is these days that are struggles, that we gain the most from. It is on these days that we remind ourself, we can push through. We can do what once seemed impossible. It is on these days that we grow! Keep those commitments to yourself. It is worth it. Push beyond the story in you head that says, “go back to bed”. In the end, you will be glad you did. I am very glad that I still meditated and ran today. Even though my experience was one of difficulty, I checked the boxes and got it done. Tomorrow is another day.
Thank you for reading my blog today. May you find the gumption within yourself to push through even when it feels difficult.
Life in a pandemic has taught us how very little control we have. For me, and perhaps many of you, feeling out of control can be very frustrating and induce a lot of stress. I have long heard that control is an illusion and truthfully the only thing we have control over is our reactions. I feel sometimes I don’t even have much control over my reactions. Being self aware and noticing how you are reacting and exploring where those reactions are coming from can be very helpful; but also very difficult to do in the heat of the moment.
The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.”
Captain Jack Sparrow
I catch myself getting all wrapped up into what seems like the problem. I get stuck spiraling into unhelpful thoughts about what I think the problem is. But when I breathe, and take a minute to look at why I am feeling the way I am feeling, often there is a different cause. I am not saying that there are not problems. There are, everywhere. So unless we understand what triggers us to respond to these issues in the way that we do, we will be forever whipped around, a prisoner to our emotional response. Emotions can be very helpful in motivating us, but they also can be detrimental when we find ourself in a situation where the outcome we desire is not achievable.
There are things that I know trigger an emotional response in me. I like to be in control, so when I feel out of control, this can cause a lot of stress for me. When COVID first started I had a job where I experienced change on a weekly basis, sometime more often. Those changes were predictable changes. Once the Pandemic started, I was experiencing unpredictable changes. It cause me a lot more stress. I am flexible person. I enjoy change. Being fluid and in the moment, is how I do my best work. So I was surprised in how the unpredictability of life really got to me.
Awareness is the first step. When we examine the thoughts we have around the “problem” we can better understand why we are shaken when presented with the problem. Having this understanding gets us closer to being at peace; despite the situation we find ourselves within. Once we can see what is bring up our emotions and that it is really more about us than the perceived problem; we can start to work on this aspect of us.
It is important to have some strategies to get past these emotions or as Captain Jack Sparrow says, “…[our] attitude about the problem”.
Breathe – take a deep breath, center yourself, and just feel the emotion.
Acknowledge – emotions are not good or bad, they just are. Acknowledge what you are feeling. Give yourself permission to feel it.
Be Present – be present in the moment. Notice what is around you. What do you hear, see, smell, feel, taste? Notice that in this moment you are safe and everything is okay.
Understand – attempt to understand what is causing you to feel so …whatever you are feeling. If you can name what is behind the emotion it can be helpful in gaining understanding. For example: I feel frustrated at a lack of control because I have a fear of failure.
Calming ritual – create yourself with a calming ritual. What this is may differ on where you are and this will be very individualized to each person. Some ideas are:
cup of herb tea
lighting a candle
carry a “worry stone” that you can hold or rub your thumb against
take a series of slow, deep breaths
recite a poem, prayer, or mantra (out loud or internally)
have a mint or piece of gum
take a walk outside
rub some lotion on your hands
Carry on mindfully – once you have gained awareness you can carry on with your day. You will have a better understanding of why you were so upset and have taken some action to become present and understand you cannot change the problem – only your reaction.
Take action if it still seems necessary – once you have done all of this, depending on what the perceived problem was, there still may need to be action taken on your part. Now that your mind is clearer and you are not as caught up in the emotional response, you can attempt to make a plan.
Repeat as necessary – depending on what is going on you may find yourself needing to use these strategies over and over again. It will get easier as you practice.
I love the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
I think there is a lot of wisdom in this prayer. There are things we cannot change. Things we have no control over whatsoever. Then there are things we can change. Often that is us and how we deal with what we cannot change. Working on ourselves is some of the hardest work, but also the most beneficial work we can ever do. Knowing what things we can affect and what things we cannot affect will give us much more peace, rather than banging our heads against the wall trying to change the unchangeable.
I also believe in the benefit of planting seeds, but that is for another blog. Thank you for reading my blog today. May you find peace within the storm. May you find the calm pool of serenity within yourself.
Stacy Crep 