Tarot and Archetypes

The tarot cards are really a pack of archetypes. Archetypes are basic personalities or typical expressions of things. For example, the concept of a mother is an archetype. What we think of when we talk about a teacher would be another. Carl Jung worked a lot with archetypes as a part of the psychological frame work. A pack of Tarot cards contains many archetypes. Some of these are personalities, like the emotional brooding leader (King of Cups). Others are roles we play in life, like mother (Empress) and teacher (Hierophant). Still others are archetypal times in our life, when we have to gather our strength, to continue to push forward toward our goals. (9 of Wands)

The pack of 78 cards contains many of the aspects of life we face. There are cards we associate as “good” and cards we associate as “bad”. Ultimately all the cards contain positive and negative aspects. All of the cards can be represented in high energy vibration or a lower energy vibration depending upon your view point.

I was having a conversation with a friend, and the idea that all of the cards live within all of us came up in discussion. Sure there are cards, or archetypes, that we more readily relate to. I, for example, relate to the Moon card. It embraces the defined feminine. Additionally, the Moon is ripe with mystery. The Moon card has the magic of the night within it. It speaks of a childhood running through the woods, with flashlights, playing in the sand near a bonfire next to a glistening lake, and sitting peacefully in the grass in awe of the Aurora Borealis. The Moon card is associated with the sign of Pisces, which furthers my connection to it. Even though I love the Moon card and associate it to myself, it does not define me. It is not all of me.

I hate to see the Devil card come up in a reading for myself. I do not like to think about my associations to this card. What am I chained to? What aspects of myself do I not like and shy away from “looking” at. What addiction may be holding me back? But, however much I do not care for this card, lets face it, we all have aspects of ourself we do not like. So, although this card is not full of the beauty and mystery of the Moon, it too is a part of who I am. It comes with helpful advice to look at those parts of myself and my behavior that are preventing me from stepping forward into the next glorious phase of my life.

Ultimately we are diverse and complicated people. Our lives ebb and flow between happy times of celebration and troubled times of growth. Both are necessary to help us appreciate the good and move towards being better. Which of the archetypes of Tarot cards do emulate today? Which do you hope to be tomorrow?

Thank you for reading my blog today. May your journey toward self awareness be a success, as if by magic!

*To learn more about Tarot and the Archetypes check out my mentor, Toni Gilbert’s, website. She has written a couple of great books on the subject.

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7 Tips to Help When You are in a Dark Place

I saw a meme that my niece posted on Facebook. It said, “When you are in a dark place you sometimes tend to think you have been buried. Perhaps you have been planted. Bloom!” When you think about that, I mean really think about it, that is so true. I believe this! Those dark places that life takes us to, causes us stress and pushed us to change! It helps us transform from who we were to who we are becoming. You may be saying that, this is all great in spirit, but going through this type of transformation is painful and really stinks. How can we nurture ourselves through these dark places? How do we keep putting that one foot in front of the other while we are moving through these times? What can we do to keep our spirits up while our world is falling apart? Here are some thoughts to help you keep looking for the silver lining in these difficult, sometimes even terrible situations.

Listen to upbeat and motivational music. Remember the song from the play Annie? The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow! Whether upbeat songs from musicals, pop culture, or your favorite local band; music can be a great way to change your mood, remind you of a brighter tomorrow, and just help you keep going.
Meditation. When things are falling apart, it can be hard to imagine they will ever be whole again. It can be hard to imagine that you will ever be whole again. It can be easy to dwell on the past and imagine a dismal future. Meditation is about being “in the now.” Just staying present in this moment, can help you step back from past regrets and future fears, at least for a little while.
Do kind deeds. Sometimes when things seem bleak in our own lives, we feel we need help and it is easy to get stuck in this feeling of need. By doing kind, random acts for others, whether they be strangers or friends, can help our self-esteem and give us a chance to feel valuable in the life of others.
Pet Therapy. Play with puppies, pet a cat, or cuddle a bunny. I personally do not have any pets and I am very happy in my pet free existence. But there are few things as stress relieving as the unconditional love of an animal. When I go on walks, I will often ask to pet the dogs. My friends’ dogs are usually happy to see me come visit because they know I have lots of love to share with them. Studies have shown that animals help reduce stress, anxiety, pain and even blood pressure when interacted with. You don’t have to have your own pet. I bet you know someone who has one that you could share some love and affection (and scratching) with.
Feel your emotions. Feel your emotions and realize you are safe to have these feelings. I think this is one of the hardest parts for me. Touching those painful emotions seems so scary. I wonder if I truly allow myself to feel them, will I ever be able to come back from that precipice. Remind yourself that you are safe! You can stick your toe into the river of emotions and feel the cool wet water without having to get washed away by it.
Journal. There are many different journaling techniques.
1. There is Free Writing, where you do not sensor, just let whatever comes, flow out of you and onto the pages.
2. There is a technique referred to as the Divine Witness Journalling. This is one of my favorites because you can see your own wisdom (the advice you give your friends) come back to you. In this type of journaling, you give your wise-self a name, then you write notes back and forth. You write your question or whatever you are struggling with, on one page to that wise part of yourself. Then on the next page you allow that wise person to respond to your note. You will be amazed at the the wisdom that pours out for you.
3. Gratitude Journaling is another that can really help change your mood. It shifts your focus from what’s wrong to what’s right. There is always so much to be thankful for. Looking at the positive things in life can help shift you towards a more positive tomorrow.
Get out into nature. There is just something about being in the forest, hearing the birds sing, and watching a creek gently meander amongst the trees; that is so refreshing. Depending on where you live, “nature” may look very different. It may be hiking up a mountain, riding your bike in the desert, walking on the beach, cross country skiing, or sitting on a park bench near some roses. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to be with nature. I remember driving through downtown Minneapolis one morning and seeing the sunrise reflected on all the skyscrapers. I realized then that nature is all around us. From the vegetation growing up through the cracks in the sidewalk and pigeons landing near the sidewalk bistro tables, to the squirrels racing up and down the trees along the street. Nature is always there for us, even in the city. We just have to notice her. Find a quiet corner of your city or a peaceful place in the country and allow nature to refresh your spirit.

If you are in a dark place right now, I am sorry you are experiencing this. I hope these ideas may help you push out of the darkness and force your beautiful, authentic self; up into the light. We all spend some time there, so know you are not alone. I love you and I am proud of you for continually moving forward, even on those days when it seems next to impossible. We are with you in spirit. You are not alone.

Thank you for reading my blog today. May your life be happy and joyous, as if by magic!

Our Missteps Can Be a Reason To Laugh; Why Let Problems Steal Our Joy.

Do you ever have one of those days when you think you should have just stayed in bed? How do you choose to deal with them? Do you get frustrated, mad, and let it ruin your whole day and everyone that you interact with? Do you roll your eyes, come up with a counter plan, and laugh at the day? Can you carry on without letting a couple missteps ruin your whole day? I want to share with you my ‘Monday’ this week. Where circumstances fell into place to give me just such a day and a ‘choice’ to make.

I typically travel Monday through Thursday every week. My husband enjoys driving me to the airport. It gives us a last few precious minutes together. He is such a gentleman and really works hard to take care of me to ensure that all my needs are taken care of. So, well before the crack of dawn, ourMonday morning started. I packed my suitcase and rolled it into the kitchen, as I always do. I set it by the backdoor where my husband always grabs it and puts it in the trunk of the car. Typically I put my computer backpack onI; he dutifully and lovingly places both in the truck of the for me. This morning, I decided to carry my backpack myself and placed it in the backseat of the car. On the way to the airport, my husband asked about the computer backpack, stating he didn’t remember seeing it with the suitcase. I assured him that I had carried it to the back to the car. When we got to the airport he opened the trunk, said, “It’s not back here”. I am sure I looked like one of those wide-eyed cartoon characters who silently blink in shock. What did he mean it “wasn’t back there?” I asked him, didn’t you put the suitcase back there? He said he thought I had put it in the car. I let him know that I had left it by the door, like I always do for him to carry to the car. So there we stood. In front of the airport, 45 minutes before my plane was due to depart. There was no possibility of going home and making it back in time for the flight. I could either not go, which since this is my job, was not really an option. Or I could be the ultimate light traveler today! I grabbed my backpack, told him I guess I would be going shopping. Kissed this sweet, wonderful (and easily distracted) man, and headed into the airport.

I could have been angry at him and thrown blame his way. But ultimately I am a grown up and responsible for myself. I trusted him to bring it but I did not verify that he did indeed put it in the car. He had arrived home after midnight, the night before; having gone to a family funeral about 7 hours away. The alarm had went off early, for my departing flight. So I know he had likely only had about 4 hours of sleep, if that. I had offered to make my way to the airport by other means but he said he enjoys those extra 20 to 30 minute together in the morning and so he would drive me.

I could have been frustrated with my job and cussed and carried on about the lifestyle I lead; always the go and burning the candle at both ends. I could have blamed it on my busy weekend that had left me exhausted by Sunday night. All of these choices would have negatively impacted my day in a big way! Instead I decided to laugh at it. How funny that he was able to walk past the bag in the doorway and that I so trusted him, to bring it, that we got all the way to the airport without it.

He let me know that my stepson called him in a panic when he realized it was still in the kitchen. Poor boy thought his Dad was going to be in big trouble for leaving the bag behind. I had decided why spoil my day and everyone else’s, by being mad and throwing around blame. In the end it is my responsibility. Marty works very hard to take care of me but on this earlyMonday morning he thought I was embracing my independent streak and carrying my own bags. We got some good laughs about it. I encouraged myHusband to go home and go back to bed for a bit before going to work. He was evidently more tired than he realized.

I have a couple new outfits in my immediate future and a great story to tell. Embrace these days when you feel you should have stayed in bed. Look for the humor in the missteps along your human journey. Life is too short to be angry and frustrated.

I love you. Thank you for reading my blog today! May your life be filled with smiles and laughter, as if by magic.

Zagreb and Dubrovnik: Two Very Different Cities

Zagreb and Dubrovnik are two of the largest cities in Croatia but the similarities seem to end there. They are so very different from each other but each has their own unique charm.

Zagreb is the country’s Capital. It is located in the North Central part of the country. Close to Slovenia. While Dubrovnik is by the southern tip of the country and is a costal town. You may know it as the backdrop of the Game of Thrones series. They film there in the Winter. Come with me as I share the charm of these two very different cities with photographs.

Dubrovnik has it’s old town right on the coast. The town is surrounded by a wall (fortification) that was once used for protection. From the path along the city wall we got a beautiful view of all of the tile roofs. You can actually circle the entire city from the wall.

In Zagreb, the view of the city from above, looks very different. It is a missmesh of different types of architecture.

When you travel to the city center of Zagreb, you do get to see the charm of the old architecture, but it is still very different from Dubrovnik.

The graffiti I saw in Zagreb looked more like murals.

In Dubrovnik, from the old city wall, I witness 3 Nuns climbing the church steps as a black cat ran out. I found the symbolism ironic.

The views from the city walls in Dubrovnik were breathtaking! Each opening seemed to frame another perfect view for a picture.

Zagreb had fun statues in their city center which contributed to an artsy feel of the city.

In Dubrovnik, when inside the old city, it is full of narrow passageways between the closely placed buildings. Fun to explore all the interesting paths.

In a newer part to the Dubrovnik, just down from the old wall fort, we were able to enjoy some fine dining along the rocky beach.

Zagreb, unlike Dubrovnik, has modern sound barriers. These continue the arts vibe of the city, as well as supply some fun quirky little finds.

I feel our trip to Croatia, would not have been complete, without experiencing these two very different cities. Zagreb the Country’s Capital was artsy and eclectic. While we experienced Dubrovnik as perhaps the more sophisticated, but a bit stiffer, town.

The featured photo (first) on the blog, is of Dubrovnik’s old city (wall) as seen from the place (Leonardos) we dined on pizza the night we arrived there.

Thank you for reading my blog today. May your travels bring you contrast so that you might experience all the different facets a place has to offer, as if by magic.

What is a Witch?

As Halloween grows near, we see many images of old women in pointy hats riding on brooms or leaning over bubbling cauldrons. It is all part of the fun, magical, and yes even scary imagery; that is part of this time of the year. My 4 year old granddaughter asked me the other day if bats and witches are real? I told her they are. She said she had never seen one so she didn’t think they were. If only she knew they walk amongst us. Ordinary people that you pass in the street, every day, may have a spiritual practice that you may refer to as Witchcraft, The Craft, or Wicca.

We have all heard of the past tragedies that were done to the young women in Salem, Europe, and many other places around the world because they were accused of witchcraft. So what is a Witch? Where does the fantasy end and the tradition begin. Past history has witches worshiping the Devil and practicing “Dark Magic”. Witches have been portrayed in movies like, The Wizard of Oz, Stardust, and The Witches of Eastwick, as well as TV shows like Bewitched. Some of the witches are good and some of them are bad in these shows.

I would say that is the same of real people as well, some are good and some are bad. Usually, those we considered bad, have damaged psyches, are going through some difficult experiences currently or have had very difficult things happen to them in their past. I would say, like with all people, most Witches are good. They do not worship the Devil but rather the Earth and Nature; they see “spirit” in all things and understand that there is a balance to the way we interact with the world.

Most Witches, in the long ago past and still today; are healers. They use natural herbs in their magic, cooking, and potions. Like using some Lavender or Valerian to relax you or Echinacea to boost your immune system. Chamomile to help you sleep. They may practice various forms of energy healing; like Reiki or Hand on Healing. They may use crystals for their energetic properties. These Witches may also practice various forms of divination such as; reading tarot cards, mediumship or channel readings. They believe in the Power of Intention. Spell work is really just a way to put some ceremony behind their intentions.

There are many different types of Witches and belief systems among them. Some are solitary practitioners and others belong to groups who support each other through their spiritual growth. Some hold fast to ceremony’s past on from generation to generation and others make new ceremonies to suite their needs.

In the past, these woman, were the ones the people the village came to when someone was sick. Then they became prosecuted for being different. The others came to fear what they did not understand. Christianity started to paint the Witch as evil and dangerous. When in reality, these were mostly good hearted people who wanted to help their neighbors.

Think about the times you have turned to a nice cup of tea to calm your nerves, made some Chicken Noodle Soup to heal your sick family, or a time you called a friend who suddenly popped into your head. Only to find out they were going through something difficult and needed you. Call to mind the times you have set intentions for a positive outcome to a situation. We are all more similar than we are different.

So as the veil thins and Halloween approaches, keep in mind that witches walk among us. They are kind hearted ordinary people who see the sacredness in all things. Remember those things your grandmother passed down to you; to heal you family, keep you safe, and make life a bit more magical. After all, there is a little witch in all of us.

Thank you for reading my blog today. May you find your personal magical power, as if by magic.

Protect Me, Open My Heart

“Protect me, open my heart and I will be free.” This is the refrain from a pretty Kundalini Yoga song called “Aad Guray”: by Nirinjan Kaur. I absolutely love this phrase! It says so much to me. This song pops up as the first song in my iTunes account and I sing loudly and poorly with the refrain every time.

The idea of opening our hearts to others can be so scary. So starting this by first asking for protection, to open the heart, is brilliant. Protect me, keep me safe, while I open my heart and share my love with everyone. Such a vulnerable thing to do. I feel like the idea of opening my heart while being protected really is the definition of freedom. I can love everyone then. I can love that person who hurt me. I can love the person who may not be a safe bet to love. I can love the difficult person. I can love strangers.

Understand I do not think all this free sharing of love, means we put up with abuse. It is okay to love someone from afar. It is okay to send love to someone without getting mixed up in the drama of their life. I find that to truly protect myself, this is sometimes necessary. I also have learned that sending love to someone who has hurt me or someone I love, is often the best way to change the situation. It seems like; once I open up my heart and send love (from afar) the situation seems to defuse. When I hold fear, anger or even hate in my heart; my negative feelings are rewarded with negative events.

When we know we are protected, we free safe. When we feel safe, we are more likely to to be able to send love to those who bump up against our lives. Is asking for protection enough? I personally like to enhance the, asking for protection, with some “setting the intention of protection” and visualizing a white light around my heart. The white light is the Divine Energy of Pure Love. It is all around. Pull that energy around your heart and use it to create a force field to allow the love out but no hurt in.

I challenge you to open your heart, surrounded by protection and set yourself free. Let us know what experiences you have had with this in the past and as you step into the future and try it anew.

Thank you for reading my blog today. May you feel free to love safely, as if by magic.

My Daughter’s Mother… Dotties Story (An Adoption Story continued)

My daughter’s mother passed away this weekend. She stepped out of her cancer riddled body and moved beyond the veil. She moved from the life of pain, she was living, into the peace of the world beyond this one. Her life seemed so short; she was much too young, but none of us get to decide the hour or time of our passing. Does it seem weird to you that I say my daughter’s mother? I suppose it might. If you read my earlier blog, A Story of Adoption… My Story, it is easier to understand why I say this.

Let me tell you a little about my daughter’s mother. She had a smile that was infectious. It was so infectious it made you wanted to smile and laugh right along with her when she did. She was fun too! Never taking life too seriously. When I was young, long before any of my daughters where around, her husband (at that time) raced cars and I was part of the pit crew. One time, the car got banged up that it needed some metal repaired on the fender. Dottie and I riveted a new piece of metal to car. Then we painted it to look like a bandaid, all the while laughing and joking about our little addition.

There were countless summer bonfires out at her house. It was a time in my life when I was carefree and my responsibilities were few. My biggest “to do” was to make it home in time for my curfew. She was “that” adult who listened to me and took me serious, when so many others dismissed me or told me how I was feeling, was wrong. She helped me see myself as important.

Today, I sometime speak to high school children about adoption as an option for unplanned pregnancies. As part of these talks my daughter provided a recording of what the experience was like for her. Her mother, Dottie, wrote a letter. I would like to share some of her words with you.

When she described the time, right after this beautiful little soul was born, she said; “They called me in and the mother was holding the baby. I was just dying to see what she looked like and she (the Mother) put her arms out to me with the baby; to give her to me. The baby was crying and crying and I said isn’t that beautiful? The sounds of a baby crying. They (the Mother) shake their head no. I’m holding the baby and the baby stops crying and I started crying. I did ask the Mom if this is what she really wanted to do, and she said yes. This baby girl was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. She had so much hair and beautiful coloring and every finger and toe was there; she was just perfect to me. This Mom had produced the most beautiful angel I had ever seen; there was so much love between this baby and I. I could feel it.”

Dottie always let me and my family be part of her angle’s life. Her reasoning was simple, beautiful, and loving. “I cannot describe the love that I have for the Mom and Dad that gave up their rights to give me that child. That Mom gave me the greatest gift you could give to anyone that cannot have a child. She (Mom) did not give this beautiful child because she did not love her; she gave her to me because she did love her and wanted her to have a good life with a loving Mother and Dad. Time went on, (the baby’s) Mom would come out and see the baby; I never stop her from doing that. That was okay with me because that baby was a part of her life too. I never stopped the baby from having any contact the Mom’s side of the family. Great Grandma and Great Grandpa just adored her. At the time, I was thinking that one day the baby would know she was adopted. So this would make it easier for her, because she would already know that side of the family”.

There was so much love in Dottie. She was so unselfish in allowing my family and I access to know and love this child. She sent pictures often. Dottie and I would have long conversations where she kept me up to date as to what was going on with this daughter, we shared, as she grew. As she grew into adulthood, these conversations decreased and then finally stopped. I will miss those conversations. Dottie always welcomed me, my visits, and my involvement. I see Leeah as daughter to both of us but I see Dottie as her mother. She is the person who did the work of being a mother. Staying up when Leeah was sick, going to her games, concerts, award ceremonies, disciplining her, and celebrating with this girl as she grew. I was only watching from the wings, happy that there could be so much love for her.

No mother/daughter relationship is perfect and Dottie and Leeah have had their differences through the years. It is those we love the most, who can make us the most angry. Fortunately, love can heal all wounds in time. Dottie always shared love with me. As I kissed her cheek that last time and said farewell; I felt that her stepping out of this world would leave a hole, an emptiness, a void. May you be surrounded by peace and filled with love in the place behind the veil, Dottie. Thank you for raising the daughter I was not able too. I love you. I miss you.

I would like to conclude this blog with Dottie’s own words about having adopted the daughter we shared, “I have had nothing but joy, love, and happiness. What I have seen since she’s been growing up; she is so much like her mother and looks like her mother and has the same beautiful qualities as her mother: compassionate, giving, logical, and sympathetic to people’s needs. …So thank you too Leeah’s Mom for this gift from God to me. I know you loved her then, you loved her as she was grown up, and love her now. That makes us all good Moms.”

Thank you for reading my blog today. May you find peace in all of your relationships and your decisions, as if by magic.

How Are You Improving Yourself?

I am always trying different things to improve myself. Are you also obsessed with becoming the very best version of you? I have multiple ways that I am working on myself at any given time. Some are very successful; others take more effort and require that I try again and again. I often think about the goals I have set for myself. Which ones are realistic and which ones are more grandiose ideas.

Currently I am working on going 21 days complaint free. Despite the fact that I have been working on this for several weeks I am still on day one. But with this I am finding that I am becoming more aware of my complaining. I am finding that, depending on who I am around and what I am talking about, makes a huge difference in how many times I need to change my bracelet. To learn more about this, please read my blogs: Can You Go 21 Days in a Row Without Complaining? and OMG! Read This Book! It will take you places you didn’t know you need to go. (An update on my Complaint Free Adventure)

It is the first of October as I write this and I am thinking of writing a blog every day in October, sounds like a great idea, right?! This maybe one of my more grandiose ideas for a couple reasons. Blogging everyday takes time and that is not always a luxury I possess. Another is that, Adventure Sister Emy and I make sure not to post blogs on the same day. This avoids overwhelming our readers and helps make sure both of our important messages are heard. But what would be realistic number for me? To write 20 blogs in October? That certainly seems reasonable and I can write them without posting them. Just save them for a day when I don’t have as much time but need a blog. Okay – that is “now” my goal for October.

Continuing to improve my health with intermittent fasting is another. Somedays I do better with this than others. It remains my goal to start eating somewhere between 10 and noon and complete my caloric intake for the day by 6pm. It is a worthwhile goal to me and I have lost somewhere between 10-20 lbs. doing so. I remain horrible about keeping track of my weight but maybe that is not such a bad thing.

I’m also trying 28 days without having an alcoholic drink. I feel this is also a worthwhile goal. I like the way a glass of wine helps me relax and causes the stress of the day to role off my shoulders. I like the way I can decompress and the stress seems to melt away after a glass. Specifically, because of the way wine helps me not have to deal with my things, is precisely why 28 days without it is a great goal. To remind me that I don’t really need it and by working through the lessons of my day is really better for me.

Another goal I have is to start running again. I cannot say I am currently really working towards this goal… unless you count reading How to a Lose Marathon by Joel Cohen. I keep planning to start training again but so far it is all just talk. I need to overcome the fear that my knee injury is permanent.

Doing a really great job at work is always a goal for me too. I want to continue to improve my skills at my job, learn more, and be more of an asset to my co-workers and boss. Sounds like a lofty goal perhaps but one I feel strongly about.

With all of these goals, I move forward little by little, step by step. I can make big strides in one, while the others may stay stagnate for a time. At other times I move all goals forward in someways. Of course I have many more goals than those listed here. I wanted to convey to you that it is “okay” when goals do not go according to our plan and that when it comes to being the best version of ourselves, we can work on several things at once.

Thank you for reading my blog today. May you make progress on all you goals, as if by magic.

Introvert vs Extravert; How to Find a Healthy Balance

How do you get your energy? What do you do when your batteries are down and need to be recharged? When your Life has been stressful and you just need some down time, what do you plan? Would it surprise you to know that how you answer these questions will vary depending on your “extravert” verses “introvert” tendencies?

I am an introvert and I know this about myself, that when my batteries need to be recharged, I need time alone. How very “peopley” the world is makes me tired. The idea of going to a crowded place seems exhausting to me. (This is probably made worse by the fact that I am also an Empath, but that is for another blog). My husband, on the other hand, is an extravert. He needs people and social time to get him charged up. Getting together with friends, always sounds like a good idea to him. He is a happy, “the more the merrier” type of guy. He has never met a stranger and authentically loves people.

Because of this I sometimes think introverts get a bad rap. People imagine introverts to be socially awkward, shy, and not very friendly. This is simply not true. Those attributes can belong to introverts or extraverts. Whether you are an introvert or an extravert really has more to do with where we get our energy from. I am a very social person. I enjoy public speaking and have lots of friends. I enjoy doing things with my friends and lead a monthly discussion group/class. However, when I get tired, more time with others will only cause me to feel more worn out. It takes a lot of effort for me when I am being social. It doesn’t mean I don’t need these social event or don’t have fun when I am at them. The opposite is true; I do need and want them. But it’s all about the balance.

If you have friends and family that are the opposite of you, it is always important to respect and understand their needs. If being at the mall around lots of people feeds you and makes you feel energized, understand and respect that for your buddy, it may be different. Just as I have to remember that my husband’s needs are different than mine. I work to help ensure that, in our time together, we strike a healthy balance between being social and spending quiet time alone. I have to remember that my need for quiet time should not stifle his need for social time and visa versa. We both need to be fed energetically just in different ways. So listen to what your friends and loved ones have to say about what and how they need to recharge their batteries.

So the next time you feel like you want to plan a way to reward yourself for a busy week, think if that is a night-in binge watching your favorite show or a night out at the local pub celebrating with a large group of people. Think about your friends and family members and how they seem to recharge. Finally, in your personal relationship, try an strike a healthy balance so that you both are getting what you need.

Thank you for reading my blog today. I wish you a lifetime of finding the perfect ways to recharge, as if by magic.

Caring For the Caregiver

No one knows how hard it is to care for someone until they do it. As a hospice nurse I often saw family members giving more than their all. To be able to care for someone they loved so much, it made it all worth it. It is important that those who care for others to also take care of themselves and be supported. I want to share with you some tips on “Caring for the Caregiver.”

If you know someone who is caring for a loved one, how can you best help them? This is a good question. Obviously, these are people who sacrifice their own needs to care for others and put them first. How can we help them get what they need to put the oxygen mask on themselves first? (what you always hear in the airplane instructions; put yours on before you do others) What types of things can we do to help them.

Remind them of the good job they are doing. It is a hard job and often thankless job. It is easy to get caught up in the way you felt you should have handled things better or differently. Often caregivers really question themselves and if they are doing it “right”. Let them know they are doing a good job. Give them specific examples of how. This is important feedback these angels need.
Offer them help where you can. Maybe it is just hanging out for a couple hours so they can get away. Maybe it is running to the store, doing another errand or perhaps just washing dishes. It will be different for everyone and maybe different from time to time. Sometimes even small things (like taking out the garbage) can be a huge help!
Do not tell them what they “need” to do. We sometime can be overly zealous in our desire to help these sainted people who put others before themselves. We can be busy telling them they “need” to take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine. That they “need” to get out and go for a walk. By using the word “need” we are putting one more thing on their “To Do” list. Even something fun, can become a stressor, if it is one more thing you “have to do”.
Accept that how they unwind maybe different from your method of relaxing and decompressing. My husband loves social interaction. When he gets really stressed, getting together for fun with friends, is the perfect way to let off some steam. For me, I want alone time. Sometimes maybe one on one time with someone close to me. A walk in the woods (Forest Bathing) is perfect for me, where my husband loves the hustle and bustle and color of a walk in a busy mall. We all have different things that help us cope. Accept that what they desire might be different that what you desire.
Give them unexpected treats. Home baked goodies, a gift card to a coffee shop or a nice notecard sent in the mail. Just something to give them a little smile and let them know they are appreciated. Maybe even a handpicked bouquet of dandelions. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Just a little something to make them smile and let them know they are appreciated.

If you know one of these angel caregivers, I hope this gives you some ideas about how you can provide them support. If you do not, please feel free to pass this on to others it may help. The Alzheimer’s Association used to have posters that showed caregivers as angels or super heroes. I always loved that imagery because that is what these people really and truly are!

Thank you for reading my blog today. May you make the difference in the life of a caregiver, as if by magic. I love you!

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