7 Ideas for Giving Feedback with Love

Are there ways we can open our heart and give honest feedback without hurting peoples feelings? Yesterday was a day for giving people feedback. It can be a scary thing to do honestly. People do not always want to hear that you don’t agree with them or think something can be improved upon.The day started with Toastmasters and letting two people, who are part of a group I just joined, know how they could improve on their speeches. The day progressed into sending feedback on chapters for the book my Adventure Sister, Emy and I have written together. Did I handle these situations in the best way possible? Did I open my heart and share my feedback with love? Here are some ideas on sharing feedback with love.

1. Be honest – don’t say it was great if it wasn’t. People respect your honest opinion. They can also smell through fake compliments.

2. Use a sandwich approach – I learned this one from my daughter. She gives the more difficult assessment sandwiched between positive observations .

3. Set the intention – prior to giving a critique I open my heart and set the intention that it will be heard with the love it was intended. I often ask Jesus to help me speak with love. After all Jesus was all about love.

4. Don’t sugar coat it – provide the information in such a way that it is not sugar coated. Be direct. If we use to many flowery comments or words the true message may be lost and the person may walk away not really understand what you were saying.

5, Don’t pretend to have all the answers – we are all just human. There are as many opinions as there are people. Be willing to discuss the response, if the person wants to talk about it.

6. Use your Heart Chakra – your heart chakra is an energy center in your chest. It is a great way to infuse love into your words. Just visualize all of your words coming through this energy center.

7. Provide a solution – give them another option, example, or an idea of how they could accomplish what they were intending.

Giving kind, honest feedback is a gift. We can not improve unless someone takes the risk to share how they perceived what we said or how we did. It can help us realize blind spots and move forward to be the best version of ourselves. Do you have other strategies that have helped you deliver difficult assessments with love?

Sending Love in Response to Pain

I believe in Love. I believe in the energy of Love and the intentions in conveys. I believe that Love is not just for our family and friends but for the whole world. I also know it is not always easy to share love. When someone has hurt us, how do we send Love their way instead of a lower vibrational emotion like hate, jealousy, fear, anger, or disgust. I want to share a story with you about sending Love.

One day my house was broken into. I was on the other side of the country for work and my roommate called me to let me know that he came home to the door open, things ransacked, and many of the electronics gone. I had to let my boss know and book a flight home the next morning. I entered my home alone in the middle of the day. It was a mess. My bedroom was the worst. Things had been tipped over, pulled from the closet, and strewn about the floor. Drawers were pulled open and dumped out. My laptop with all of my photos on it (many that were not backed up) was gone. I sat on the floor near the closet and cried at the feeling of violation. My bedroom was obvious that it belonged to a woman. I wondered how someone who had a mother, maybe sisters, or even a daughter, could violate me in this way.
As I sat there on the floor in front of my closet, I knew what I had to do. I had to send him Love. I sent prayers and intentions that his life would improve in such a way that this would no longer be an option for him. I put a post on Facebook and asked all my Facebook friends to do the same. It has been several years since this happened, but I also request that those of you reading this do the same. Please send Love to this person and intentions for improvement in his life so that he no longer feels the need to break into homes to support himself.
It was not an easy thing to do. I had people comment on how messed up it was to pray for the person who hurt me. I stand by the fact that it was the right thing to do.

I find that when people who we have been very close to hurt us, this can be much harder to do. The pain we feel causes us to want to lash out and protect ourselves. Only Love can begin to shift this. Sending other lower emotions does not benefit us. I know it does not seem easy or even possible. Please try it. It may never repair the relationship and you may be better off to be out of that relationship anyway. When someone hurts you or a person you Love, send Love to the offender. They are likely hurting in someway too. Love will only bring more Love to you.

Have you ever done this? What was the result? Please share any experiences you have with this.

More Than Just Warm Milk – natural treatments for insomnia

I read once that people used to sleep eight hours at night but not in one sitting. They would go to bed and sleep for about four hours or so and then they would need to get up and stoke the fire. They would get up and write letters and visit in the middle of the night and then go back to bed and sleep the last four hours of the night. I think there is a part of my being that remembers these old ways because to be awake in the middle of the night used to be an every night occurrence. It still happens to me on certain nights. I have a list of a dozen things that are worth a try if sleep seems elusive for you.

Cool room – I have always noticed that I slept better in a cool room but recently my Chiropractor was informing me that a cool room has been proven to improve sleep.
Hot bath – A nice warm bath before bed will help relax muscles. Water is also very grounding. A warm bath before bed may be just what you need to get some serious Z’s.
Essential oils – I can’t say enough about all the great things essential oils can do for you. Some great ones to help promote sleep are Lavender, Bergamot, and Geranium. I also like Frankincense. It is a great oil for a multitude of things and my personal favorite.
Magnesium – Recently I have been hearing about a connection between Magnesium deficiencies and trouble sleeping. I have personally not tried a magnesium supplement for my insomnia, but I may consider it. If I give it a try I will let you know in a future blog how it works for me. Of course check with your doctor before taking a supplement to see if it is a safe choice for you.
Notebook and pen – Keep a notebook and a pen next to your bed. Is a “to do” list of items keeping you awake? Jot those thoughts on the notebook. Then your brain can trust they will not be forgot and move on to dreaming.
Left nostril – A trick from my Kundalini Yoga training is left nostril breathing. Holding your right nostril shut and just breathing through your left nostril will help to relax you. It will induce feelings of being tired.
Mudras – Mudras are a yoga pose for your hands. One that I find helpful for sleep is to pull your thumb in against the palm of your hand and then wrap your other four fingers down over it. It is like you are making a fist with your thumb on the inside. Holding your hands in this position can help bring about slumber.
Salt Lamps – Salt lamps have recently become very popular. They have all kinds of great healing properties. They are said to help reduce the contamination from all of our electronics. By reducing this contamination they allow us to get better sleep.
Cup of tea – Chamomile, Valerian, and Kava Kava are three herbs that can be found in teas to aide with sleep. There are even teas with Lavender in the blend. A cup of one of these before bed can be a great way to drift off.
White noise – White noise or soft relaxing music can be helpful. I personally like a fan on in the room but there are lots of choices. There are apps that play, white noise, fan noise, nature sounds, etc. I feel the fan helps me saw logs because I can’t hear the other noises the house makes.
Rocks – The little girl in me loves rocks. Crystals that could aid in you finding your relaxed state are Amethyst, Labradorite, Jade, Moonstone, and Celestine.
Meditation – Kundalini Yoga has several meditations that can help promote restful sleep. Any type of meditation can be effective in helping you achieve that Zen state to drift away.

Do you have other tricks that help make you sleep that you would like to share with others? Please share those that are effective for you. Sweet dreams. I hope you get plenty of dream time and rest.

What is wellness?

Have you ever stop to think “what is wellness”? Is it having a healthy mind? Is it having a good work life balance? Is it having a fitness program? Is it having a sense of connection? Wellness is all of these things. Wellness is about your mind, body, and spirit. It is greater than the sum of its parts. Lets examine each of these aspects of wellness.
Mind – The mind is an important part of wellness. Think about a time when you were worried about something. Maybe you were meeting someone new who you perceived as having some importance in your life, a new boss, a blind date, your future mother-in-law. Maybe you had a big project looming with a “to do” list a mile long. I am sure you can think of many other times when you were worried about something. This is certainly a part of wellness. Although, you may be physically healthy, the worry and stress is taking a toll of you.
Body – The body seems to be the default part of wellness everyone thinks of first. When you think about your body do you feel good or do you have a shopping list of things you want to improve upon? You may be mentally healthy, able to manage what life throws at you but you are dealing with things on a physical level that leave you feeling drained and criticizing yourself.
Spirit – This is the aspect of wellness that is most often missed. Do you have a sense of connection with something greater than yourself? This could be God, Nature, Artistic Inspiration. What is it that makes you feel whole and fulfilled? What is it that you are apart of? Without a sense of connection, life can feel lonely and pointless.
Lets put them all together – Wellness is greater than the sum of its parts. Although you can have wellness in each of these areas, you can see how having one part left out, can disrupt the balance in the other areas. By moving forward to achieve wellness in one of the three aspects, the other areas improve as well. For example, you decide to train for a marathon. The process of running improves your physical body. Your legs strengthen. Your lung capacity improves. Other things also start to happen. Running can be very meditative and therefore strengthen your sense of connection. If you run nature trails, you may see the beauty of nature and experience a sense of God, therefore improving the spiritual realm of wellness. When you run healthy endorphins are released that reduce stress, improve mood, and decrease anxiety. With this example we can see how making a choice to improve one aspect of wellness made an impact on the others. You can start in any of the three realms and see how it is interconnected. Think about if you start a program to manage your stress, whether it be counseling, reading a self help book, or taking a yoga class. You can think through how the scenario would affect, not only mind, but also body and spirit.
Wellness is a constant work in progress. I do not know anyone who has complete and total wellness. Taking a simple step in one direction can make a big difference for your overall wellness. What is one step towards wellness you feel you could take today? Which aspect of wellness do you feel inspired to initiate improvement?

9 ways to improve meditation

I can remember when I first started to learn about meditation, I really just didn’t get it. I became frustrated and was apprehensive to do it. I dove into learning about meditation, sought out teachers, and pursued learning more about it. Some people meditate for the health benefits, some for a connection with God, others to clear their mind, center, and find peace. Whatever the reason meditation has been proven to be a powerful tool in wellness. Here are some ideas to help you improve your meditations.

1. Mantra – mantra is a repeating of words or sounds. Often it is in Sanskrit but can be in any language. It can be silently repeated in the mind or out loud. I recently listened to a meditation lead by Deepak Chopra and he used the Mantra, “So Hum”. It is Sanskrit for “I am That”. In Kundalini Yoga we often use “Sat Nam”, which means “I am Truth”. “Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful” is another mantra used in Kundalini Yoga. You can choose a word that is something you want more of in your life or a favorite Saints name. For Catholics, saying the Rosary can be a form of mantra meditation.

2. Breath – focusing on your breath is a technique many teachers and people use for meditation. Let your focus rest on the rise and fall of your stomach. Feel the breath pass through your nostrils. Any time you start to notice thoughts, bring your focus back to your breath.

3. Guided meditation – there are many guided meditations on YouTube. These can be helpful especially when you are new to meditation. More experienced meditators may find this distracting. I have also seen apps for meditation; they provide a reminder and a short meditation.

4. Visual aides – meditation is about remaining present. Gazing at a candle flame or tracing a pattern in a piece of cloth with your eyes can be helpful in remaining in the now.

5. Music – soft peaceful music can be helpful in preventing the mind from wandering to background noise. I heard a wise Buddhist teacher say once that when we meditate in the forest we do not become upset when the birds chirps because we do not think we can control the bird. Background noise can be distracting during meditation so adding some music can help distance it.

6. Coloring or mandalas – adult coloring books have recently become very popular. This is a great meditation technique. Take a deep breath and just be present while coloring in the small spaces. A mandala is a circle you fill in with color, pictures or designs. They can represent your subconscious or reflect your inner self.

7. Essential oils – Frankincense and Sandalwood are two of my favorites. Other nice options are Lavender and Chamomile because of their calming nature. Many of the essential oil manufacturers also make blends that are helpful attaining a meditative state.

8. Crystals – stones and crystals all have their own vibrational qualities (think back to your science classes about atoms). Having certain stones or crystals near can help you in your meditation. Some of my favorites are fluorite, amethyst, aquamarine, and quartz (either clear or smokey).

9. Have a cup of tea – have a cup of tea with an herb to aid in relaxation prior to meditation. After you finish your tea make sure you empty your bladder. You do not want to get in a nice Zen state only to have your bladder distracting you. Some nice relaxing herbs that can be found in teas are Kava Kava, Chamomile, and Valerian.

Meditation can be such a big step towards wellness. It is certainly one worth taking. These are some things that have been helpful for me on my meditation journey. Do you have other suggestions for new meditators? I would be interested in hearing your ideas or how any of these things work for you.

Energetic Residue

Yesterday’s adventure was an amble through a historic park. When I am in Philadelphia for work I love to go to Valley Forge National Historic Park. It is a large beautifully wooded park, rich with history. During the revolutionary war George Washington and his troops camped there from 1777-1778. According to Wikipedia over 2500 soldiers died in the encampment from starvation/malnutrition, disease, and exposure. It seems like such a contrast that someplace so beautiful could have such tragedy linked to it. Can we feel the energy of those lost lives? What about other historic places; do they carry residue of past acts?
I have always loved going to Valley Forge. The woods and gently rolling hills make for a beautiful back drop for a walk or a run. Even sitting at one of the multiple picnic tables and eating supper has brought me peace at the end of a busy day. Last night I went into the park from a different direction. Because of this I found myself in a different part of the park that I had not wandered before. I happened upon Washington Memorial Chapel. This Chapel was started in 1903 to commemorate the Continental Army and George Washington. The trees leaves were reflective of a camp fire with their autumn colors. I saw few visitors while I wandered the grounds. There is a large Cemetery behind the Chapel. Some of the graves are older but many recently departed rest there as well. As I was wondering amongst the tombstones, I spooked 3 bucks. Quite honestly when they spooked, so did I. I didn’t realize they were there until they bolted. Their sudden movement was in such opposition to the tranquil setting.
There seemed to be more of a feeling of sorrow in this part of the park. So different from what I had felt in the park before. Recently my husband and I traveled to Amsterdam. While we were there we visited the house where Anne Frank and her family hid during WWII. The sorrow in that place was crushing. I do not know if that sorrowful energy is from the people who hid there or from the multiple visitors that flock there daily. I was also blessed to be able to visit Stonehenge on the same trip. This historic site is located inside of a massive ancient graveyard. It is surrounded by burial mounds for some distance on all sides. The energy here is very soft and has no feeling of sorrow. Why is that? Is it because it is so old and all the old attachment has faded away. Is it because visitors come with an attitude of curiosity and awe? Or perhaps our ancestors saw death differently than we do.
The energy of a place can have such an impact on our experience while we are there. If we are not aware of our sensitivities to left over energy we could potentially take on those emotions as if they were ours. What are your thoughts about energy signatures? Have you felt this in the past?

Celebrate and Live

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Once upon a time I had given my power away and forgotten who I was. I allowed myself to merge into the man I was married to as if we really were one in the same. Perhaps that sounds like a good thing for a marriage but in my case it was not. I forgot who I was. What was important to me faded away like so much smoke. I was married for 12 years; from the outside looking in we probably looked like a family who was functioning just fine. In reality we were not. I had lost myself.

Around the time of the divorce there was a song that was popular, Dynamite by Taio Cruise, which helped me reclaim my life. I would drive around with he windows down and singing along with the chorus at the top of my lungs, “I want to celebrate and live my life”! I found such joy in the process of discovering who I was. Reclaiming my power made me giddy with happiness. I feel that over the next year I came alive again. I was transformed by the process of respecting and honoring my hopes and dreams. I found ecstasy in discovering new interests and thinking for myself. It was the start of a whole new me. If the me I was when I entered that marriage were to meet the me I am now, I would not recognize myself.

By honoring who I was and how I felt happy living my life, I was able to shift so much. Even though I did not enter that marriage thinking it would end, I can see how it’s ending was such a positive thing for me. It allowed me to wake up to myself. I am married again now and my new husband gets the benefit of a wife who knows what she wants and who she is. I am able to be present in the relationship. I can respect our difference and hold the space for each of us to be individuals. We share many interests, because we both had a good understanding of who we were before we came together.

Are there ways you are giving your power away?
How can you embrace your life?
What do you want to celebrate?
How do you want to live?

If your friend had great stuff happening you would not hesitate to help your friend celebrate. Look at your life and find the reasons to celebrate. We all have them. Some may be really big deals. Some may be tiny accomplishments. Whatever the good is that is there for you, celebrate it. The more you celebrate the more your life will give you to celebrate.

Happy life my friends,
Stacy, Adventure Sister

What comes after the last breath?

Have you wondered what happens when we die? As a hospice nurse I have spent a lot of time thinking about death. I have been with many people as they take their last breath. I have read books about what comes next. I also have had experiences that have lead me to have suspicions about what comes next.

My grandfather had a near death experience. His heart stopped. The medical team worked quickly to revive him. A call went out to my grandmother in the middle of the night, to let her know she should come and be with her husband immediately. While all of this action transpired my grandfather said he floated peacefully toward the light. He described the same light others have talked about. He described a feeling of utter peace. To my grandmother’s dismay, he said he didn’t want to come back from it.

I have been with many people as they have taken their last breaths. I believe that we do not go alone. I have seen them having conversations with someone/something that I can not see in the room. I have seen them looking up at the corners of the ceiling. I like to believe they are seeing angels. I have heard them describe visits from people who have died before them. I have seen them reach out, as if to someone, just before they take their last breath. I have even seen them petting a long gone pooch who I do not see in the room, but they believe to be there.

I have read a couple books about what comes next. They are not your typical heaven or hell stories. Letters from the Afterlife by Elsa Barker tells the story of a woman who started to get messages from the other side. This book was written in 1914 and is a very interesting read. Journey of the Souls by Michale Newton is another interesting read. Michael is PH.D. counselor and hypnotherapist. He, accidentally at first, regressed people to the time between their lives. The book is full of case studies and Michael’s theories of what happens to us when we leave our body. Dying to Be Me by Anita Moorjani is on my list of books to read. This is a book about a woman with terminal cancer and her near death and ultimate healing experience.

I have had past life regressions done as a healing modality. From the experience I had during the regressions, I do believe the soul moves from lifetime to lifetime. I have met people who, although they are strangers in this lifetime, I know on a soul level. Emy Minzel, Adventure Sister is one such person. Our connection was fast upon meeting and beyond any other explanation. We have surely been sisters in other lifetimes.

I believe in the eternal nature of the soul. I believe from things I have experienced, the people I have been with as their souls have slipped out of their bodies, and books I have read, that this earthly journey is not the end of us. I believe it is a part of our course. I believe it is a part of the experience and the lessons. I do not truly know what comes next. What do you believe comes next? Do you believe in reincarnation? I am interested to hear your thoughts.

What do Elsa and Anna have to teach us?

Could we learn something from a children’s movies? Could we learn to let go and love unconditionally? I have recently been reading The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer. In the book he talks about letting emotions go. Just letting them roll through you, noticing them, and having no attachment to them. Years ago when I was first starting my spiritual journey I read the book, The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin. The idea is similar. It is about not holding on to those old emotions but rather letting them go.

All this talk of Letting go brings to mind the Disney movie Frozen. Could there be a spiritual message in this children’s movie? Well of course, spiritual messages can come from anywhere. In the movie Elsa has been holding on to all kinds of emotions of loss, self doubt, and hiding who she really is. Finally having enough she lets it all go and feels free. This freedom hurts the person who loves her the most. She has to learn how to repair the relationship with her sister. She eventually figures out that love is the only way to thaw the coldness between her and Anna.

As we let go of emotions, they will not effect us in the same way as they affect our friends and family, who are attached to their emotions. I remember in the Sedona Method Hale says how some people even have a sense of being “special” because of a bad thing that has happened to them. When I first read that, it struck me by surprise. Once I looked back at my life I could see how I was holding on to some of those traumatic experiences, because I was proud that I had gotten through them. This will make people more inclined to hold onto emotions, even ones that do not allow them to feel good. As we let go of these lower vibration emotions we will began to move out of the same energetic space as some of the people around us. With love we can bridge that gap. I feel a part of love is acceptance. When we allow ourselves to accept and love others in the space they are in, we are freed.

If you have more interest in learning about letting go of emotions I recommend either The Sedona Method or The Untethered Soul. I see the Sedona Method as more of a “how to” book, while The Untethered Soul is more of a lesson about becoming conscious. Both books have helped me along my journey. If you would like to comment more on either of these books or contribute, please feel free to comment below.

It’s not going to be easy but it will be worth it

I was walking in the woods one day and I came across a fairly large teepee structure. Near the structure there were several pages that had been torn out of a book laying on the ground. The heading on one of the pages said, “I am not telling you it will be easy, I am telling you it will be worth it”.
If we did not have to exert the extra effort we would not appreciate the blessing in our lives. I can compare this to Emy and my trips to the Boundary Waters. It was a lot of work to get there. Surviving while there was also a lot of work. It was not easy but in the end it was totally worth it. We were out in the middle of nature and hardly saw another human. We were surrounded by lush forests and clean lakes. There were no noisy motors to disturb our peace. It is an amazing place. The “work” of getting there and being there was not easy, but it was totally worth it.
Another example I have of this is my career. I have been blessed with opportunities to advance in my career. It has not been easy, it has required late nights and early mornings. I have had to work holidays and weekends. I have had to make choices about how to utilize my time. I have had to put in an amazing amount of effort and deal with stressful situations. It has not been easy but it has been worth it.
I think we have gut reaction when we see successful people. We think they are so lucky. This headline on a discarded page from a book, laying in the woods has caused me to rethink all of this. I was recently at a writers workshop. During the workshop they said it takes about 10 years to become an overnight success. With all the focus on the “Law of Attraction” we are lead to believe it should be easy. If we focus on what we want and keep our thoughts positive all of our dreams will come to us. I don’t deny that some people live very blessed lives. I also don’t deny the power of our thoughts and focusing on what we want. How these opportunities come to us may require us to roll up our sleeves and get busy to move our dreams into being. I have a friend who is an astrologer. I can remember him telling me that even though the planets may be aligned for romance, if I stayed in my house watching TV I was unlikely to find the love of my life. When the stars are aligned or the opportunity presents itself we have to be ready and willing to put ourselves out there and put energy into the project. I personally am ready and willing to dig in and put forth effort to make my dreams a reality.
What are your thoughts?